“That’s rough. But you’ll go back someday.”
The knife in her heart twisted a little deeper. “I won’t get the chance. The kids need me, and by the time they’re old enough to be out on their own, I’ll be too old to go back.”
She could feel him watching her. “You knew that when you came here, didn’t you?”
The lump in her throat kept her from speaking, so she nodded.
“You walked away from your dream to give your siblings a better life.” When she said nothing he continued, “That must’ve been really hard.”
Tara couldn’t keep the bitterness from her voice. “What do you want me to say? That it was like losing a limb? Cutting out my heart? It was. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But it wasn’t a choice. Not for me.”
“That says a lot about the kind of person you are.”
She shrugged, uncomfortable with the admiration in his tone. “My mother doesn’t understand it. As far as she’s concerned, I took all the years of training, all the classes and work and advantages she worked to give me and threw it all away on kids I didn’t even know, who, in her eyes, had no connection to me.”
“She’s still got issues with your dad, I take it.”
“He was a mistake. One she spent my entire life trying to distance us from. So she sees the fact that I’m here, that I’ve taken primary custody of my half-siblings, as a slap in the face and a rejection. Like I somehow chose him over her.”
“You aren’t here for him.”
That he saw that, understood it, soothed something in her.
“You’re right. I’m not. My dad is a screw up, and I’m not going to let Austin and Ginny pay for his mistakes.” Realizing her hands were fisted around the steering wheel, she made a conscious effort to relax. “I miss dance. And I’m probably still working my way through the stages of grief about the fact that I’m not going to get to pursue it as a career. But I don’t regret walking way for them. I don’t talk about it because I’m just not where I can yet without feeling like I’ve been gutted, and I don’t ever want them to feel like I resent them for being the reason I gave it up.”
“For what it’s worth, I don’t think either of them thinks that.” He went quiet for a moment. “What about the rest? Why tell me?”
Tara looked over and met his eyes. “Because you’re the first guy who found out about my situation who didn’t look at me with scorn or pity.”
“What kind of assholes have you been hanging out with?”
She laughed. “None. None at all.”
“I don’t see anything to pity in your situation. I see plenty to admire. You’ve done a good job with them under difficult circumstances. And maybe you don’t want praise or recognition for that, but you deserve it either way.”
“I’m not looking for a reward. I just want to do right by them. And right now I want to give them the best Christmas I possibly can.”
~*~
Now that she’d pointed it out, Jace noticed strains of The Nutcracker absolutely everywhere they went. As she went about picking the perfect gifts for her siblings, Tara didn’t seem quite as weighed down as she had, but her story bugged him. Talent like that shouldn’t be wasted. Her situation wasn’t the same as Jordan’s, but he could see just as much futility. It wasn’t like Wishful was exactly a hotbed of culture. Still, there had to be something to be done.
“Oh my God, this is perfect.”
Jace dialed his attention back in time to see Tara running her hands over a...what the heck was that? Three tiers of purple and pink, with lots of glitter and some kind of sloping roof, it was clearly girly. “Is that a princess tower dollhouse thing?”
“It’s a princess tower bookcase. Ginny adores books. Right now we’ve got a stack of milk crates to hold her collection, but this would be so cute in her room. I’m buying it.”
“Your wish, milady.” Jace reached out and hefted it into the basket. “What about Austin?”
“I want to find him a drafting table. I got an easel for his birthday, but he’s really more into drawing.”
They wandered the aisles. Jace snuck in some sketch pads and a set of charcoal pencils.
“What are you doing?” Tara asked.
“I told you. Stocking stuffers.”
Panic flitted over her face. “I don’t think the kids actually have stockings. I never found them last year and I didn’t even think—”