I stuttered to a halt. My world had just shattered, and now this. Was I losing my mind? How long had I been gone? How much time had I spent in the castle? Suddenly everything, even my own sanity, was thrown into doubt. “What’s going on?” I asked dumbly.
Another figure emerged from the shadows. “Och, my wee dove. ”
Carden. Carden was back.
My mouth opened, but I was unable to make a sound. I realized I was shivering violently, emotions buffeting me more savagely than any surf.
Carden turned to Ronan. Had he sensed the emotion between us? My urge to go to Ronan for comfort? I expected hi
m to lay into the Tracer, but instead the vampire approached him, clasped his hand. Carden put a brotherly arm around Ronan’s shoulders. “Thank you,” he said. “Thank you for guarding her. It was much to ask, and you have my gratitude. ”
The ground jolted beneath me. Thank you for guarding her.
I’d wondered why Ronan kept showing up, all those times he was concerned for my safety. But he hadn’t been there because he wanted to be. It was because Carden had asked him.
My knees gave way. But Carden was suddenly there, catching me. I shoved him away, steadying my own self. “You asked Ronan to babysit me?”
“I knew I’d be away for a time,” Carden said gently.
“So you had Ronan babysit me,” I repeated flatly. I stared at the Tracer, but he didn’t—couldn’t?—meet my gaze. I’d thought I knew him, but after seeing Josh at that ritual, how could I think I knew anybody?
He’d been there for me because Carden had asked him to be. Because if anything had happened to me under his watch, he’d have been in a world of hurt.
Look at me, Ronan. What about our almost-kiss? Because I hadn’t imagined that, had I? I could only guess what would’ve happened to Ronan if something had happened with Ronan.
“I dared not leave you to face danger alone,” Carden said gently.
I spun on him. “You were the one who left in the first place. No, check that. You took off…in the night…without telling me. ”
“I didn’t know until—”
“You had enough time to ask Ronan to mind me. You put me in his care. What am I to you, a child?” I felt Ronan disappearing into the shadows—of course, he’d want to sit out on the lovers’ quarrel. “Bye, Tracer Ronan,” I shot out, putting a cold edge to the formal term of address. “It’s been real. ”
Carden took my arm. “Come, mo chridhe. You are upset. ”
I made myself flinch away, wanting to lash out. “You bet I’m upset. ” I was furious. After the horrors of that ritual, I felt lucky to be alive, and here was Carden, nonchalant as ever with his affections. And the really crap part about the whole thing was that I was angry mostly because I was embarrassed. Because seeing him now, I realized how much I’d missed him when he clearly hadn’t even cared enough to say good-bye. “Do you want to be with me, or did you come back because you had to?”
“I long to be with you. ” His voice was low and mellow, and it rippled over me like warm flowing waters.
“Then why weren’t you? I needed you, and you bailed. I lost Emma, I lost Yasuo, and you…you just vanished. You weren’t here when I needed you most. ”
“There was something you needed more. If you let me—”
“Cryptic much? You’re just thirsty. ” I stormed inside. He could follow me or not.
He followed. “Are you not thirsty?” he asked, and he actually sounded baffled.
I stopped short. “Is that it? Did you come back because you craved me? Do you even like me?”
“I came back because you’re mine. ” He stepped closer, his body pressing against me as he cupped my cheeks in his hands. “I came back because I love you. ”
My throat clenched. He’d called me love before, but he’d never said he loved me. Could it be true? I peered hard into his eyes. He was looking so sad, so confused.
I couldn’t trust it. I stepped back, headed to my dorm room. “Why’d you even leave in the first place? After all we shared, all we did…” I tapered off, sudden chagrin choking me. It was so hard not to be insecure about the times we’d been together physically—had I done something wrong? Some rookie error? Did I kiss weird? What?
He stopped me when we reached my door, putting a fingertip to my chin. “You are angry. ”
I cut my eyes away, fumbling with my keys. “You think?”