I’m sorry this letter is so brief, but since my garden has waned, I find myself easily tired. I will send you more news soon, telling you all the gossip about the gentry in Isolte, even though you won’t know any of these people at all. The stories themselves are amusing, and I think it might keep you entertained out in the country.
Do take care of yourself, Lady Hollis. Stay well and write soon.
Your dear friend,
Valentina
I sighed. I wished she could be standing by my side, too. Tucking my letters into my skirts, I went to the only person I could talk to about this.
Thirty
IF HE WASN’T HELPING WITH the renovations to the manor, Silas was always in the outbuildings with Sullivan, working on new pieces. It seemed, despite the rumors of our leaving together, he was still receiving commissions. The people of court had seen Eastoffe work firsthand at least twice now, and there was no denying their skill.
I could see him through the large, glassless window, hammering away on metal as Sullivan appeared to be polishing a piece toward the back.
“Good afternoon, sir,” I said, setting myself down on the window ledge.
“My lady!” Silas called, wiping sweat from his face before coming over and kissing me. In the corner, Sullivan stashed his work under some straw. “To what do I owe the honor of your company?”
“I had a question for you.”
Quietly, Sullivan crept out the door. If anyone took the time to watch, it was impossible to miss how sweet he was. He tended to live in his own world in his head, but he wanted to offer others privacy, too. Just in case.
“What do you want to know?”
“Do you remember how I was in charge of entertaining Valentina?”
He laughed. “Yes. And I remember you doing a smashing job because no one—I mean, no one—in the Isolten court could get her to smile, let alone talk.”
“It felt like quite an accomplishment at the time. I wasn’t sure, after we spoke, if you realized just how close Valentina and I were.”
Silas raised his eyebrows, looking over at me. “I realized. As much as I was wishing you’d come just to speak to me, I could tell how worried you were for her. I was hoping it would be a very short-lived friendship.”
I grimaced. “I know you and the Isolten royal family aren’t exactly on good terms.”
“You don’t know the half of it.”
“But all the same, I care about Valentina. She’s entrusted me with some very important secrets.”
He squinted, crossing his arms. “Such as?”
I sighed. “She just had a miscarriage. It’s the third one she’s lost.”
Silas stood there, gaping at me. “Are you certain?”
“Yes. She told me under strict confidence about the first two when she visited, and she just wrote me about the third. I’m worried for her.”
He ran his fingers through his hair. “Three . . . I have to tell Father.”
“No!” I insisted, putting my hands up. “I promised I’d keep her secret, and she trusts me. I’m only telling you so I can explain my following, very unreasonable request.”
“Which is?”
“Do you . . . could we go to Isolte sometime soon?”
“Hollis.” His face was aghast and his tone flat.
“Not for long!” I promised. “I know that Valentina is all alone, and I’m sure she’s afraid the king may divorce her—or worse—now that she’s lost a third child. I want her to know she has a friend.”
“Then write her a letter.”
“It’s not the same!” I protested.
He shook his head, staring back at the fire. “I resigned myself to the fact that I wouldn’t be able to give you the life you were going to have at the palace—”
“I don’t want that life,” I interjected.
“And I promised myself that, so long as it was in my power, I’d give you everything you ever asked for.” He came closer, lowering his voice. “But Isolte is a dangerous place for my family. The king doesn’t trust us, and we’re not sure if the Darkest Knights would tolerate us, even for a visit. For goodness’ sake, I was the one who convinced my family to finally leave.” He clasped my hands tightly. “I can’t go back there. Not now . . . maybe not ever.”
I dropped my head but tried to not look too disappointed. Running off had caused much more of a mess than I’d bargained for, and I kept worrying I was taking things away from Silas instead of adding to his life. I didn’t want this to be something else he worried about for my sake.
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I’ll write Valentina and try to be a comfort that way.”
He kissed my forehead. “I hate to say no. For now, we need to take time for ourselves, start our lives.” He smiled. “I feel like I’ve been waiting for you for ages.”
“Well, not much longer, sir.”
“Not much longer at all.” He smiled, and the world felt right. I couldn’t wait to become an Eastoffe.
“By the way,” I said, walking back to the manor, “Delia Grace, who has been gifted a dress by the king, has heard rumors I’m to be married, and is very concerned about their validity.”
He laughed heartily. “I’ll bet she is. Tell her you actually ran off with some gypsies. Oh! No, no! Tell her you joined the monks of Catal and are now living out of a cave. I’ve got tools! We could carve your letter into a rock!”
“If we find any big enough.”
I walked back, thinking I did need to tell Valentina something to encourage her, and I knew Delia Grace was probably pacing her room at this very moment wondering if I was a married woman or not.
Still, with all of that, there was only one letter I could think about writing today.
Blessed Mother and Father,
I’m sorry. I know I have disappointed you, not only with refusing to marry the king, but with the several years of squandered attention that led up to today. I rarely behaved the way you wished I would. Some of that is simply my nature, but the rest, I cannot explain. I didn’t aim to be unruly. I simply wanted to find the joy in everything, and it’s difficult to do that while sitting still and saying nothing. I apologize for letting you down.
I can’t undo what’s been done, but I do believe, in my heart of hearts, that His Majesty will find someone far better to wed, someone who will be a superior leader for Coroa. Even with my best intentions, my leadership would have proven disastrous, and I hope that my absence from my king’s life will ultimately benefit the people of Coroa far more than my presence in it would have.
I believe I’ve found my equal in Silas Eastoffe. I know you’re unhappy because he doesn’t exactly live like a gentleman, even though his family is an old one in Isolte. And I know you’re not pleased because he isn’t Coroan, but I think this snubbing of Isoltens has gotten our people nowhere. The handful I truly know, I really care for. And I can’t pretend I don’t know better anymore.
I love Silas, and I’m marrying him in two days. I’m sending this to you as a last hope that you will find a way to forgive me and be present on the most important day of my life.