“It isn’t pity when we’re sharing the same mind and I need comfort, Player. You’ve lived with this a long time. I haven’t,” she reminded.
He hadn’t thought of it like that. He plunged his fingers into the thick hair at the back of her scalp. She had that long braid, but the back of her head was covered in the thick, silky layers he loved so much.
“I don’t understand where the bomb is coming from when I’ve never seen those materials before or the schematics. I’ve never built that bomb before, and I’ve gotten very good at building a good number of them. I have no choice. I have to take this to Czar. It’s too dangerous not to. When I do, he’ll know that you’ve been in my head, Zyah. There’s no way to keep you out of it. The things you’ve seen about me, my childhood, the way I was raised and the things I did, the assassinations—those are all things not another living soul knows outside of the club members.”
She tipped her head up to look at him. He had no choice; he had to let her, even when he didn’t want to. Her eyes met his. She was a very intelligent woman. “Not even Blythe?”
“I don’t know how much Czar tells his wife, but I doubt very much. He doesn’t lie to her, though, so if she asks him, he’ll give her the truth. It isn’t the same as really knowing everything, the way you do, Zyah. You know our childhood. You know everything done to us. The way we were trained. The way we were used as assets for our country. The people we killed to stay alive.”
“That’s not exactly true, Player,” she denied. “I know what happened to you. I know some of the things you did. I saw that the others were tortured and raped, but not the specifics, nor do I want to see. I never saw a single thing they did in order to survive. I see your memories, not theirs, and I’m grateful for that. As to what you had to do to survive in that place, I’m glad you had the strength to do it.”
“I’m a killer, Zyah,” he said quietly. “You can’t very well deny that.”
“You killed to survive. You killed for your country. That’s considered reasonable under the circumstances, Player.”
He refused to look away, staring down into her dark eyes, daring her to continue. He felt like he was falling. Drowning. A man could get lost there. She didn’t say anything else, but she had to know the killing hadn’t stopped once they’d gotten out from under Sorbacov. They had taken back kidnapped women. They had chased pedophiles. They weren’t nice about it when they caught up with the ones they were looking for, and they didn’t take prisoners.
“We’re very careful, Zyah. We always make certain we don’t make mistakes. Czar drilled that into us when we were kids. We’re patient. We let our quarry walk away if we’re not one hundred percent certain they’re guilty. We make sure there are no innocents that can be harmed or are around to witness. We don’t act until we know there aren’t witnesses.”
He felt her body tense. Her lashes fluttered and then veiled her eyes. The tip of her tongue moistened her lips and she tried to pull back. He locked his arms around her, refusing to relinquish his hold now that he’d told her the truth.
“Because you don’t leave witnesses behind.”
“We make certain there aren’t any witnesses,” he reiterated. “We’re careful to ensure no one innocent is ever a witness.”
“Unless they’re like me and can see into your head.”
He stroked a caress down the back of her hair. All that silky hair. Her braid was thick. He wrapped his hand around it, a peculiar, unfamiliar ache in his chest. “I don’t think there’s anyone like you in the world, baby.” He couldn’t keep the raw admiration out of his voice. The stark respect and desire. “The thing is this, I have to tell Czar the truth, and once I do, he could view you as a liability. Either way, I’m betraying you or the club.”
“Player, how can you be betraying me if we’re standing here together in front of these gates and you’re laying it out for me? You’re giving me this information because you know I can walk into that house and either text Jonas myself or ask Blythe to drive me straight to him. No one in the world will get me to believe that, even for her husband, she would commit murder or allow him to, not if she knew I was innocent.”
His woman. Intelligent. He nodded slowly. “That, and I want you to be aware that if I tell you we have to leave now, you don’t hesitate, you just come with me, no trying to argue, and we go. Your grandmother will be safe. The club would never hurt her. I have money stashed. I have ways to disappear, and I can put you somewhere safe while I try to fix this.” He slid his gloved thumb along her cheek. “I’m sorry I got you into this. None of this is your doing. You were just trying to help me out and you landed yourself in the middle of a huge mess.”