“I’m what you made me.”
“Kerry—” Matt stands and tries to jump in, but as soon as my eyes meet his, he can sense the verbal castration dancing on the tip of my tongue and backs off, hands up, palms toward me.
Mom huffs, “You don’t know what it’s like to—”
“To what, Mom? To be betrayed by someone you loved your entire life? To have her stab you in the back as soon as you’re out of sight? To know your boyfriend was in on it? To find out he never loved you at all? What don’t I know? Tell me! Dear God, please explain to me how this is anything but a betrayal. I want to know. If I could fathom it, I could forgive you, but for the life of me I can’t understand. And it’s overwhelming to lose my boyfriend and my mother all at once, so unless you have some earth-shattering news I'm not yet aware of, get the hell out and never come back.”
My face scrunches up as my anger bleeds into pain. Tears prickle my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. She’ll never see me weak again. I shoulder my way past her and slam the door behind me. It takes every ounce of strength I have within me not to stop. My heart tears from my chest, stealing my breath. My stomach churns like I ate nails, each one piercing me from within. I knew I’d lose her eventually, but I thought it would be by death’s cold hand. I never expected her to walk away from me willingly. But she did. And that’s where I am. She’s dead to me. Gone. By her choice.
* * *
I don't remember getting on the bus or driving out of the dorm parking lot. As if waking from a dream, I wake up with the steering wheel clutched in my hands and the bus hauling ass down the street. The traffic light turns red, and I’m so spaced I nearly miss it. At the last second, I slam on the brake and feel the back end try to skid around. The raccoon comes flying up the aisle, cursing me out with that rabid chittering he does. His back slams into the panel blocking off the stairwell, his little hind feet drooping down over his head. I manage to regain control, and we stop just before the intersection. Eyes wide, I glance down at the little beast, nearly in tears.
When his ass flops to the side, and he falls over, I start laughing. The raccoon rights himself and hisses at me on his way back to his seat.
“You little bastard! You should thank me. You were almost road kill.” When I glance up, there’s a cop standing at the door of my bus. “Awh, shit!”
I pull the lever and open the door. He has an incredulous look on his face as he peers into the stairwell. “Ma'am, do you know why I pulled you over?”
Uhhh. Say what now? I nod like I noticed and pulled over on purpose. Then I glance around for his car and flashing lights. How’d I miss that? I should be able to see a big fat cop car, but I don’t.
“I’m not sure,” I say.
“You nearly blew that red light.”
“But I didn’t.”
He’s not amused. His young face has a spattering of freckles across his nose like he’s been in the sun all day. “I’ll need to see your license and registration.”
I stare at him. Something’s wrong here. “Where’s your car?”
The cop straightens and climbs into the bus. “I asked for your license, ma'am. Now.”
I study his uniform. Something seems out of place. The light flips green, and the cars behind me honk before going around. Why would they honk at a cop? I look at him again. His uniform is off. Something is missing, but I can’t figure out what. It’s dark bl
ue with the city seal on his arm, name across his breast, buttons, pleats, and radio. Beating stick on his side, and the cop cap. I’m still staring, wondering what’s off when a familiar voice calls from the left lane.
“Hey, Kerry! Let’s race for pinks!” Josh shouts at me, revving his engine loudly.
I glare at him like he’s nut. “I’m kinda busy here.”
The top on his convertible is down. He pushes up on the seat to see past me, and then makes a face. “What, are you giving rides now?”
“No! It’s a cop, so cut it out.” I turn and look at the officer.
“Ma'am,” he says with a scolding tone, still holding out his hand for my license.
After the light changes, Josh peels out and pulls over on the shoulder in front of my bus. He gets out of his car, and I nearly have a stroke. The cop is going to shoot him in the face. This is bad. Walking up behind a cop is bad. I glance at the officer again and suddenly realize why he looks different. He has no gun. My eyes flick up to his face.
“What are you?”
“Kerry,” Josh chides, standing in the bottom of the stairwell, leaning on both railings, “that’s a really rude question.”
The man startles and turns, his expression souring. “Josh Gallub, move along.”
“Or what? You’ll throw your keys at me? Kerry, I'd like to introduce you to Kevin Rickets, with the campus police. You’re not currently on campus, so you don’t have to stay here. Actually, Officer Rickets should walk away now.”
Kevin scowls at Josh. “Mr. Gallub, you’re out of line.”