CHAPTER 1
Carter stands there in faded black clothes, his pants two sizes too big. His dark hair is slicked away from his eyes, damp with sweat or rain. I can’t tell which. His cheeks are rosy as if he’s been running. My gaze drops to Carter’s feet as I pull away from Nate. I wish we were standing closer to the door. If Carter had smacked it into us, there would have been confusion and a way to cover up the kiss. But this? There’s no way it looks like anything else.
Carter won’t fall for the ‘oops, I fell on his lips’ defense. He’s intelligent, and I respect him despite our argument, so I don’t make excuses. There are none. I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear and shift my weight to my other foot.
Nate swallows hard, caught between breaths as Carter walked in. The two of them freeze, looking at one another in horror. It feels like the longest twenty minutes of my life, but it couldn’t have been more than a few seconds.
Resisting the urge to hang my head in shame, I glance up at Carter, who’s sporting a sucker-punched expression. I manage to find my voice. Stepping toward him, I say casually, “Hey, Carter! I was just headed out. Come with me.” It isn't a question. It’s a demand—and based on the circumstances, it’s a little insane.
When he stands there blinking, unable to close his gaping mouth or stop staring at Nate, I side step between them. He shakes his head and frowns, “Kerry, what the hell—”
Carter doesn’t get a chance to finish. I sigh exasperated, as Nate remains paralyzed. This kiss will cost him his job. They’ll say he was sexually harassing me or worse. I’m not going to let that happen. Right now I need Carter’s feet moving down the hall.
I’m going to have to make something up. Fast. So I wing it. Grinning, I go up on the balls of my feet and press my lips to his. Carter blinks, shocked, but he doesn’t pull away. A small spark shoots through me and flitters into my belly like a falling leaf.
I feel Nate’s gaze on the side of my face and inwardly squirm. Maybe this was stupid. Okay, it was dumb. There’s no way Carter is going to think I’m loose, throwing myself at anyone with a dick. Although, I suppose that's exactly what I've been doing. Nate’s still glaring at us, not happy, but remaining mute.
Carter kisses me, or stands there stunned—it depends on how you look at it—with his hands at his sides. Heat rushes to his face, flushing it with embarrassment and although I expected shock, I thought he’d kiss me back. When he doesn’t, I pull back.
Beaming up at him, I grab his hand and pull. “Come on. I have to get ready, and you’re not dropping this class. I need you.” I don’t say anything else. I don’t elaborate.
Nate is silent, rooted in place, with his brow furrowed and his hands at his sides. I get the distinct impression he has no one to talk to—at least, not about the crazy-ass bus girl that landed in his bed before he discovered she was his student. Nate seems isolated. That’s probably what drew me to him in the first place, more so than the sketchpad. I felt utterly alone that night, and he was giving off the same vibe. Like calls to like.
I toss the thoughts to the back of my mind and tug Carter behind me while prattling about Jax being an ass. “This whole stupid thing is a mess, and I can’t back down. Actually,” I pull Carter into the empty classroom and step past him to shut the door before flicking the lights on. I can't force my eyes off the floor even as my eyebrows inch into my hairline. My lips are parted, stuck in an unending sigh because I don’t know what to say. I want things back the way they were.
I miss him.
Carter doesn’t blink. He’s still shocked, lost inside his mind. It’s probably a museum for paintings of memories and sculptures of dreams. Carter seems like the kind of guy that files things away to pull out later. My brain is a typhoon of emotion. My favorite memories eroded the day Matt dumped me for Mom. I still have to deal with them this weekend. Can life fuck me any harder? I shouldn’t ask that, but really? How can it get worse? The raccoon bites me, and I grow a third tit? That might be helpful. I make a mental note to hug the fuzzy bastard the next time I’m on the bus.
I press my back to the door and glance up at him. I’m worried about this—about him—and Nate. “Listen, I’ve screwed up this whole rebound thing beyond belief.” I laugh nervously, lowering my head and letting my hair fall across my face. I tuck a long strand of bland brown hair behind my ear and talk to my sneakers. “Every guy I’ve thrown myself at has rejected me.”
The best deceivers use the truth to twist a perfect lie. I’m not the most convincing liar, and I hate being dishonest, but it’s not my job on the line. It’s Nate's. And this wasn’t his fault—it was mine. I can’t let Carter tell the dean about it when I’m the one to blame, so that’s what I'll do. I'll shift all the blame to myself. Flicking my gaze up at him, I laugh nervously.
He stands there in the open space, his hands shoved in his pockets and an indifferent expression on his face. Maybe I shouldn’t say it. Maybe it’s cruel. I don’t know, and that’s my biggest problem.
I press my lips together and feel my heart crack inside my chest. Words begin to spill out of my mouth, and once I start, I can’t shut up. “Since I got here, my life has turned into a clusterfuck of epic proportions. I’ve made one wrong move after another, and it won’t stop. I can’t undo this. I wish I could.”
Without looking at me, Carter finally says something. “What part would you erase? Losing your friends? Strutting around naked? Hooking up with the professor? Or kissing me?” His eyes are resentful and hot on the side of my face.
Something inside me snaps. That’s it. He can’t treat me like a slut for modeling. He’s part of the same world, and there are rules. He knows that as damned well as I do. I step toward him, place both hands on his chest, and shove. “Hey! I don’t deserve your scorn or your anger. We’re artists, you and me. We were on the same page at one point. You know as well as I do that modeling isn’t the same as stripping or prostitution, so stop being such an asshole! As if things aren’t hard enough, I don’t need you dropping your conflicted morality crap on me right now. You think you're the only one who doesn't like Beth’s brother hanging around? Well, neither do I! I can’t get rid of him, believe me, I’ve tried.”
Carter’s face crinkles and I know he’s getting mad. He snaps, “Yeah, well you didn’t try hard enough.”
I make an aggravated so
und in the back of my throat that’s lost somewhere between a scream and a growl. My arms tense and my fingers splay at my sides. I start talking with my hands, extremely aware of how close I am to poking my eyes out waving my five digits around wildly. “You have no fucking clue how hard I’ve tried! Since day one, the first second, before I even got to class my life started falling apart. I’ve done everything I could do to pull myself back together again. I thought you were my friend.” My voice changes abruptly, and I can’t hide my disgust. “We aren’t supposed to look at a nude model and think sex. It’s shadow and light, curves and lines—it’s a moment to be captured and immortalized.”
“I know that!” He’s angry now, stepping back as he tries to keep his temper in check.
I get in his space and yell up into his face, “Then why are you giving me such a hard time? Why does it matter what I do? You’ve known me for five minutes. You have no idea what's going on in my life!”
“Kerry—”