I stared at her. Looked past her to Noelle and Kiran. I walked past them all. Numb.
"I'm sorry, Reed."
232
I stopped short. Noelle had just apologized. Slowly, I turned.
"I'm
the one who called the police. I couldn't let you be holed up in Mitchell Hall alone with that psycho."
I didn't ask how she knew where we were. She, as I was constantly being reminded, knew everything.
"Don't call him that," I said.
"Reed, he is a psycho," Kiran told me, stepping forward. "When Noelle called the police, they were already out looking for him. They had just found the murder weapon. If they hadn't gotten there in time--"
"Shut up," I said, my voice flat.
"Reed. I just saved your life," Noelle said.
I looked up from the ground and into her dark eyes. She really believed that. She believed Josh would have killed me if she hadn't made the call. Was she right? Was Josh the insane one around here? Or was it Noelle who was delusional? Delusional enough that she could make herself believe she was innocent? That she cared about other people. That she was above reproach. I glanced over at Ariana, at her cool, ice-blue eyes. At Kiran and her expectant, self-righteous stare. These were my friends. These were the people I had chosen. Who had chosen me.
"I told you, Reed," Noelle said, stepping forward. She reached up and flicked my hair behind my shoulder, smoothing it down. "I just wanted to protect you."
"I know," I said. "Thank you. I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't made that call."
233
It was what they wanted to hear. It was the only thing that would get me away from them.
Noelle's face finally broke into a smile. Mission accomplished. "You're welcome."
"I'm going to bed now."
My hand was on the front door at Billings when Noelle spoke again.
"I'll always be here for you, Reed. We all will. We're not going anywhere."
The wind whistled down from the trees, and a chill raced down my spine.
"Not ever."
234
NOT EVER
Natasha was not, as I had anticipated, waiting for me in our room to shower me with concern. Most likely she was up on the roof talking to Leanne, relating everything that had happened. Good. I felt like I needed to be alone. The lights were all out, but her computer screen glowed, casting an eerie blue sheen over everything. I sat down on the edge of my bed and stared.
A baseball bat. Josh's fingerprints. Hauer was sorry.
I couldn't stop thinking about what Josh had said just before the police arrived. That we were all Noelle's puppets. That she was the one who'd suggested Rick as a suspect. And he was right. Josh might have turned the guy in, but it had been Noelle who had planted the seed that day in the car. Did it mean anything, or was it just one more thing Josh had said to throw me off his scent?
Who was telling the truth? Was anyone? Did these people even know what truth was anymore, or had they just twisted its meaning to fit their needs like they did with everything else?
235
Natasha's computer let out a blip. I glared at it. It was impeding my downward spiral. Then I saw that an IM screen had popped up in the corner. Every inch of me started to throb.