"It'll take your mind off more unpleasant things," Ariana added, wrinkling her nose in a dainty way.
More unpleasant things. Like we were talking about a particularly nasty foot fungus or something.
"Let's do this!" Rose cheered. "I need a chocolate fix, stat."
Everyone cheered.
My skin crawled and I ducked away from Noelle. I felt like screaming. What was wrong with these people? They really thought a sugar high and a buzz were going to make it all better?
"Sorry, you guys. I'm not up for a party," I said.
"What? Why?" London asked, pouting as she lowered her bottles.
Take pity on her. She's a ditz. She doesn't know how idiotic she looks.
"Because I . . . I'm tired," I told them. "Exhausted, actually. I think I'm just gonna go to bed."
Noelle gave me a reproachful stare. She wasn't used to hearing the word no.
"Reed--"
"You guys have fun," I said flatly, moving forward, crowding them toward the door.
Rose, London, and Vienna took the hint, jostling their way out. Ariana paused and looked at me with her clear blue eyes.
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"You really should try to get your mind off things," she said. 'You'll feel better."
"I already do," I said honestly.
Not 100 percent. But after venting my emotions and blubbering all over Natasha, I was much improved. For now. But if I thought for one second longer about the idea of partying, the anger was going to come back full force.
"You're sure?" Noelle said. 'You really don't want to come?"
"I'm sure." I placed my hand on the door. "Please, Noelle. Just go."
Ariana and Noelle locked eyes. Never a good sign. I knew I had stepped over a line in their eyes, and for a split second I was reminded of how scared I'd been of them just a couple of weeks ago. Thomas's death had cured me of that, at least temporarily. At that very moment, I couldn't imagine remotely caring what they might do or say to me.
"Get some sleep," Noelle said finally. "We'll see you later."
And with that, she closed the door. Nothing more. Maybe Thomas's death had cured them too.
30
DECISION
Cheerios expand when left to soak in milk for too long. If you gaze blankly at them long enough, you can watch it happen. Also, the curious stares of your peers become less noticeable when you're working on approximately forty-five minutes of sleep in three days. And the cafeteria manager doesn't like it when he finds someone sitting on the cold brick outside the door waiting for him to unlock it.
Ninety percent out of it and I was still learning things.
A few uneventful days had passed since Thomas's funeral, and I had still hardly eaten or slept. That is, uneventful aside from the fact that several kids had been taken out of school by their parents. Mostly freshmen. Skittish newbie parents, according to Noelle. "As if this school has never survived a scandal before," she'd said yesterday, as we watched a scarecrow-haired Asian guy being loaded into a Hummer. None of my friends had been spirited away, but it was almost eerie to see the sedans and limos idling in the circle in front of the dorms, the students being
31
escorted with their bags while their parents looked around suspiciously, as if some masked killer was suddenly going to come shrieking out of the shadows. No one had officially said that Thomas's death had been suspicious in nature, but it was clear that was what people wanted to assume. My heart tightened and released as I thought of him. This was all it ever did anymore. I wondered if it was going to affect my long-term health.
A couple of girls whispered and shot me looks as they walked by, so I turned my head so that my hair would hide my face. The area under my eyes felt full and tight and heavy at all times, like I might either pass out or burst into tears at any second.