When I stepped before the Pearsons, I must have been red with rage. Still, part of me expected them to recognize me as the person who had been with them when we had first realized that Thomas was missing. The person who had meant enough to their son that he had invited me to brunch with them. But when his mother's cold, hard eyes fell on me there was no spark of anything. Except, perhaps, mild displeasure. Apparently my simple black dress and unhighlighted brown hair didn't meet her exacting standards. These were the things that were on her mind today of all days. Well, these things and Paris.
"I'm sorry for your loss," I told her through my teeth.
Then I somehow refrained from grinding my heel into her toe on my way out the door.
14
TIME BOMBS
Josh adjusted his seat and checked the mirror for the tenth time. Behind us, the line of cars waiting to get out of the Eighty-first Street garage started to grow.
"Any day now, Hollis," Noelle said through a sigh. She leaned her arm on the front windowsill. Of course she had taken the front, no questions asked.
"Sorry. When I picked up the car back at Easton the seat was all pushed forward for some reason, and I still haven't gotten it back where I like it," he said.
Kiran glanced around at everyone as if this news made her feel unsafe somehow. Ariana caught her eye for a long moment and then Kiran relaxed again. That penetrating stare of Ariana's had multiple purposes.
"Great. So you're too cheap to spring for memory seats and we're the ones who have to suffer," Noelle griped.
"Back off, Noelle," Josh said through his teeth. "I wanna get out of here as much as you do."
15
My fingers curled into tense fists and I tried to breathe. All I got was a lungful of noxious fumes. I just wanted to go, to put this all behind me. My leg started to bounce up and down. Sitting still was not an option. When I was sitting, it felt like something was gnawing on my heart.
My heart pounded harder and harder. Breathe, breathe, breathe.
"There's no air in here," Ariana stated.
Amen, sister.
"It's the long pedal on the right, Hollis," Noelle said.
"Do you always have to be such a bitch, Noelle?" Josh snapped.
Whoa. That was uncharacteristic.
"Do you always have to be such a Boy Scout, Josh?" she snapped back.
Breathe, breathe, breathe.
A horn honked from one of the cars behind us, echoing throughout the garage.
"Josh?" I half-whined, at the end of my rope.
"Fine! Fine, we're going," Josh said. "Remind me never to get in a car with five women again."
As he eased out onto the street, Josh caught my eye in the rearview mirror. I could tell he was wondering if I was okay. Already I was breathing easier, so I attempted to smile reassuringly. Unfortunately, somewhere between the elevator and the parking garage I had finally let a few tears loose and now they were drying on the skin under my eyes, making it feel tight and itchy, which made it hard to smile.
16
"What the hell am I sitting on?" Kiran yanked a dirty white batting glove out from under her perfect little butt. She groaned and threw it over her shoulder, where it narrowly missed the side of Taylor's face. It fell over the second row of seats into the back, where it joined the rest of Josh's baseball equipment. "God, do you ever clean out your car?"
Josh ignored her comment and Ariana sighed. Finally, we all fell into an exhausted silence. As Josh whisked us northward I stared out the window at Yankee Stadium on the other side of the East River and tried to silently name every professional baseball team I could think of. Anything to keep from actually thinking.
Thinking that I was never going to see Thomas again. For the rest of my life. We had spoken our last words to each other. Had our last kiss. God, I wished I had known that then.
"Well, at least that's over," Kiran said finally, hugging herself rather tightly, as if she was trying not to touch anything she didn't have to touch. I could smell her breath from three feet away.