Lexa had that same look in her eye that Cathy had that day. Like she wasn’t really there. Not there at all. Ariana had counted on the fact that Conrad’s presence would keep her calm, but if she could have a breakdown like this even when she was alone with him, then Ariana was in serious trouble. Because she couldn’t keep watch over Lexa 24-7 for the rest of her life. It simply could not be done.
Don’t think about that. Not yet. Right now all you have to do is bring her back. And you can bring her back, Ariana told herself. You have to bring her back.
“Lexa, please,” Ariana said calmly. “Just hit the button with the little open lock on it, right there. Right there on the door. Hit it so I can open the door and get you out of there.”
Lexa sniffled and looked down. “I can’t get it out.”
Ariana swallowed hard. Lexa didn’t even understand her.
And then, suddenly, a click. Ariana’s head popped up. She reached for the door handle and tried it again. The door swung open. Lexa looked at her, her back bent, her shoulders curled.
“I can’t get it out,” she said.
“I know,” Ariana said soothingly, reaching for her. “I know, Lex. I’m gonna help you.”
Carefully, she tugged Lexa out of the huge SUV. The moment Lexa’s high heels met the ground, her ankles went out, and she almost hit the asphalt. Cursing under her breath, Ariana braced her arm under Lexa’s and held her up. She was heavier than she looked. Ariana looked up at the glowing windows of Privilege House, wondering where the hell Conrad had gone—why he hadn’t come back out to check on Lexa. Did he even realize she was still out here?
“Come on. Let’s get you inside,” Ariana said patiently.
“I can’t get it out, Ana,” Lexa said, holding her shaking hands out flat as she loped along. Her fingers were all dry and cracked from so much washing, and her palms were red and raw. But there was nothing staining her hands. Nothing to be gotten out. “I can’t. I just can’t get it out. No matter what I do, I can’t get it out.”
“I understand,” Ariana assured her, holding Lexa close to her side. “I understand.”
Lexa caught a few curious and appalled looks from a group of sophomore girls as Ariana helped her to the elevator. It was all Ariana could do to keep from lashing out at them. This could just as easily have been them. No one around here knew how close they all teetered to the abyss. They all thought they were so secure, so wealthy, so privileged that nothing could ever touch them.
But they didn’t know. They had no idea. No one was safe. Bad things could happen to anyone at any time.
“I can’t get it out, Ana. I just can’t get it out,” Lexa whimpered as the elevator whisked them to the top floor.
“I know, Lexa,” Ariana replied, stroking her hair. “I understand.”
Tiptoeing as best she could so as not to arouse the attention of their other friends, who would undoubtedly pepper her with questions, Ariana escorted Lexa to her room. She helped her lie down on her bed and removed her shoes, placing them carefully on the floor. Then she fished out her almost full bottle of Valium and stood next to the bed.
“I can’t get it out, Ana. I can’t get it out.”
Ariana stared at the dozens of tiny pills inside the bottle. It would be so easy. Lexa was completely out of it. All she had to do was feed her the pills. Surely an entire bottle of Valium could take care of one tiny person like Lexa. She would simply swallow them, go to sleep, and never wake up. It would be like putting a dog out of its misery. Look at the girl. She was a disgusting, sad, sorry mess. She wasn’t in her right mind. Probably never would be again. And when they found her in the morning, Ariana could just say that Lexa must have taken the pills herself while Ariana slept. It would be so . . . very . . . easy.
Slowly, Ariana uncapped the bottle. She tilted it over her palm and shook out two of the small, white pills.
“Here. Take these,” she told Lexa, holding out her palm.
Lexa looked at the pills, focusing for the first time all night. “They’ll help me sleep,” she said robotically.
“Yes. They’ll help you sleep,” Ariana replied.
Obediently, Lexa swallowed the pills dry, then curled up on her side on Ariana’s bed, facing the wall. Ariana placed the cap back on the bottle and shoved it as far back in her drawer as it would go. Then she closed the drawer slowly and moved her chair over to block it from opening. To remind her that it was not to be touched.
“I can’t get it out, Ana. No matter what I do. I can’t get it out.”
Ariana lifted the chenille blanket from the foot of her bed. She laid it over Lexa, then crawled into bed behind her, looping her arm around Lexa’s waist.
“I can’t get it out Ana. I can’t get it out.”
“I know, Lexa. I understand. Don’t worry. Everything’s going to be okay. I’m going to take care of you.”
And Ariana held Lexa close, until the Valium finally did its job and she drifted off to sleep.
The next morning, Conrad was sitting at one of the indoor tables at the Privilege House café, sipping a coffee and staring down at a novel that he had open across one thigh. Ariana watched him for a couple of minutes. Every once in a while he shook his head, as if irritated, and refocused on the book, gritting his teeth. Ariana knew exactly what he was doing—reading the same line over and over again because he couldn’t concentrate. Because he was thinking about Lexa.