his close this long is tormenting her, but Black can’t seem to pull herself back together. I rattled the woman with the heart of stone.
I risk lifting my hand and picking up a strand of her dark hair, letting it fall in a soft curl by her eyes. I sweep it back softly, barely touching her skin and she shudders. I finally get her. I understand her. Sex is power, but she has no interest in men. Not now. Her interest in Sean was never about him—it was me. She wanted me for herself. This changes things. I can use this. It might save us.
I chance it. I have to. There are too many lives on the line, and not just my own. I lean in, and close the distance between us, brushing my lips against hers. She stops breathing, freezes. The pen falls from her fingers and rolls under her desk. I lower my lashes and focus on her lips, pretending she’s Sean. I think about how excited it makes him to have me so close, and then I forget myself for a moment. Eyes closed, I lean in and press my lips fully to hers, stroking her seam with my tongue. Black shudders and gasps before crumbling. Her hand finds my cheek, and I force myself to make that hand Sean’s. I pretend she’s him, lean into her palm and kiss her deeper. She purrs into my mouth and tangles her nails in my hair as she stands and presses her body to mine.
A voice and the rap, rap, rap of knuckles on the open door sound from behind me. “Is this a new job requirement?” Mel asks, half joking.
Trembling, Black pulls away quickly. Her eyes flash with a softness I’ve never seen on her. I’m not the one who breaks the kiss. I’m not the one who pulls away. She does and practically skitters behind her desk like a spooked cat. Mel caught her so off-guard that Black can’t seem to speak, so I do.
“Yeah, come here.” I hold out my arms to her and grin.
Mel snorts and waves a hand at me. “If it’s all the same to you, I prefer men.”
I shrug my shoulders and lie, “That’s what I thought until rather recently.” I turn and look at Black over my shoulder with a serene confidence I sure as hell don't feel. My mind was going nuts, and my body was fucking confused. Add in a baby lotion commercial, and I’ll act completely insane in every possible way all at once.
Mel gives me a WTF look when Black has her eyes on the floor. I shrug like it’s not a big deal and then give her a look that says to drop it. “Switching teams?” There’s a dual meaning to her question, a sharpness about it that worries me.
Black gains control of herself again. Her head snaps up, and she scolds Mel. “Choosing sides isn’t necessarily a switch, not when she’s had no choice in the matter. I apologize for overlooking that aspect of things. It won’t happen again.”
Mel’s jaw drops, and I smile. “Don’t apologize. Ever. You're better than that. Better than all of us.”
Mel’s eyes widen as her forehead wrinkles, but Black doesn’t see it. Her eyes are on me, locked with mine. I either just made the best decision or the worst one possible. It’s still too soon to tell.
Black watches me, her eyes soft and her expression unreadable. I have no idea what she’s thinking, but when she snaps out of it and glances at Mel, she’s back to her old self. “Ladies, tonight’s client has unusual tastes. I’m glad to see you’re willing to go the extra mile, Miss Stanz.”
The way she looks at me makes my cheeks burn. I don’t hide my face. I just nod. It doesn’t escape my notice that she uses my last name. She favors formality with those she respects. This set me apart from Mel in her mind. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing, but at least now I know what frazzles her. It might help me gain the upper hand if I lose it tonight. I’ll do anything, try anything to get through this. I don’t like the thought of Black ending up in a body bag, but it’s a necessary evil. Zipped, lifeless, and behind a layer of plastic is the only way I’ll be free from her.
Something in the back of my mind cries out, forcing a tremor down my arms. My skin prickles in unison, from fingertips to neck, in a quick wave. It takes everything I have to keep the emotions off my face, to remain stoic—strong. But I feel it all the same. The blood on my hands, the man I shot—the man that rests in the woods. His location is unknown. His family never saw him again. He vanished without a trace, and I was the one responsible. I know it was self-defense, but that doesn’t do a thing for my conscience. I could have and should have tried to find another way. The man would have lived. I could have survived. Killing is never justified, and yet, here I am preparing to slaughter the people trying to kill me. It’s a preemptive move. It’s justified. But part of me knows it’s not. The part of me that's shoved into my mental closet, locked away forever, banished from the light of day because I can’t face those facts, cries out in anguish. I don’t like who I’ve become. It’s too late to change course. If I do, my friends die with me.
Black blinks at me, waiting for a response to a question that I didn’t hear. Mel widens her eyes and pulls her brows together giving me an ‘answer her, you idiot’ face.
At some point, the skeletons in my closet turned into demons. They aren’t lifeless, waiting to be discovered. They’re brewing just below the surface, always there, eager for a chance to ruin me. I’m not a fool. I know sifting through the things I’ve done will only make me crumble. If I have to be a fucking sociopath to live through tonight, I will be—I’ll do it. I won’t think twice. I’ll slaughter myself to make sure my baby has a chance to live. I’ll destroy any chance I have at reconciling who I am with what I’ve done if it means Sean will be able to hold his daughter. I wonder if this how Constance ended up the way she is, if she got too close to the edge of the slippery slope and once fallen, couldn’t rise. The race to the bottom isn’t glorious. It isn't noble. It’s despicable, and I’m part of it. I’m no better than Constance. No better than Black. I swallow hard as these thoughts flicker through my mind. They come in a rapid burst that barely consumes the time it takes to exhale.
I hedge, as I try to stop the tidal wave of horror building within me. “I’m not certain I understood that. Can you say it another way?”
Mel sighs so loud that she spits. She talks with her hands, annoyed. “Miss Black wants us to stay together tonight. She’s making an introduction that has connections to people you'll want as clients when you’re a madam.” Mel knows I wasn’t listening and repeats the facts, so I don’t miss anything. “Black set up the introduction, and already presented him the terms. All you have to do is show up with his spec sheet and walk him through filling it out. Oh, and she’s coming with us.” Mel flicks a finger toward Black and gives me a hopeless look.
Black wasn’t supposed to be there. That’s not part of the plan and causes a major problem for the rest of us. “I’m sorry, you’re coming?” I look at Miss Black and smile at her softly, lowering my voice to a gentle whisper. “That’s not really necessary, is it?” I touch her arm with the pads of my fingers and barely brush her skin.
Black becomes rigid, stopping mid-breath, with her lungs filling her chest. It forces her breasts to swell and push against the red fabric of her dress. Her dark eyes meet mine, and she lets out the breath slowly. “No, it’s not. In fact, I hadn’t planned on escorting you. However…” her voice trails off as her gaze remains locked on mine with an unreadable expression. Is that regret? I can’t tell.
Mel offers, “I can handle him if needed. Plus Gabe will be around, so you only need to come out if you want.”
“And I want to.” There’s a finality in her tone that closes the conversation.
I glance at Mel, and know we're both thinking the same thing. We’re screwed.
CHAPTER 17
We were supposed to confer with Gabe on the drive to Vic Jr.'s estate, finalize any last-second changes with Marty, and then rendezvous with Sean and Henry once we were inside the building. That’s not possible with Black in tow.
I sit at the back of the limo and trade nervous glances with Mel. Neither of us says a word as we speed toward the South Shore of Long Island. Gabe doesn’t look at us, doesn’t have any telltale signs of tension from the front seat. I wonder how long he’s been un
dercover because I’m ready to puke.
I twist the gold bracelet around my wrist and rub the round black bead between my fingers. Mel’s matches mine perfectly, but she doesn’t fidget. The movement draws Black’s eye, and she glances at my fingers, the stone, and then up at my face.
“You got the bracelet fitted, I see.”
What? I glance at the golden band. It's identical to my old one with one exception—it’s the right size. I forgot my original bracelet was so big I had to wear it on my ankle. Black notices little details like that, details Henry overlooked when making the bracelets.
I smile like it’s a fond memory and drop the bead. “Yes, it fits much better now. Doesn’t fall off.”
Black inclines her head, holds out a hand, and waits for me to offer my wrist. Mel carefully ignores us. If the bracelets don’t make it into Vic’s estate, then we’re all fucked. My heart pounds as I offer my wrist to the woman. She takes my hand and examines the fit, nodding and then releasing my arm.
“Well done.”
I swallow hard and say nothing. Her gaze resumes the blank stare forward. The car fills with a palpable tension the closer we get to Vic’s. When we arrive, we pull into the winding, tree-lined driveway and head toward the great house. It’s set back on the property, offering the seclusion and privacy a sick bastard like Vic needs.
My heart slams into my ribs, and my palms grow slick with sweat. I focus on the mission, trying to remain calm. If I lose my shit, I won’t be able to think. And it’s evident I’ll need to be on my toes tonight. The car pulls into the circle drive in front of the home. The façade is slate and gray stone. Lights flood across the stone, accenting the sweeping architectural lines of the building. Tall narrow trees form spires in the flowerbeds, and in the center of the circle drive is an enormous fountain big enough to swim in. It has four tiers where water trickles down into a massive base that looks more like an in-ground pool than landscaping embellishments.