Talk about my heart skipping a beat. And like I always do, I speak without thinking. “I do.”
“Do you think she loves you?”
“I think she cares deeply for what I let her see.”
She nods thoughtfully. “Exactly. How can she love all of you if you don’t show her? She’s shown you. Now show her.”
I press my lips together. I want to agree, I want to say I’ll do it, but I don’t see that happening anytime soon. “Maybe after she meets my mom.”
Her eyes widen. “Your mom is coming to town?”
I want to laugh. “Yup. She can’t wait to meet you.”
She groans. “I might be sick that day.”
I laugh now, and she shakes her head. “Okay, before you go, though, how do you feel about the gala tonight?”
Man, I was doing well not thinking about that damn gala. Within seconds, my flight sense is screaming. I have been trying to prepare for this stupid gala for the last three weeks, but I am freaking the fuck out. I don’t want to go. I don’t care how hot my girl looks in the dress she got or that she promised not to wear panties—I don’t want to go.
“My chest hurts thinking about it.”
She nods. “Remember to breathe. Hold Aviva’s hand. Take it easy. Don’t throw yourself into it. Ease into it.”
I try to swallow past the lump in my throat, but it’s basically suffocating me.
“It will be okay. It’s such a small event. Only players, with their dates, staff, and the donors. This is a wonderful event for you to try. You will be okay, and if not, then leave. But I truly want you to try for at least thirty minutes.”
My skin feels clammy. “Okay.”
“And remember, no alcohol. You do not need a vice.”
“Damn it, I forgot that part,” I say, groaning loudly.
“You can do it. I know you can. You’re so ready. You’re doing so great, Nico.”
I don’t think I am, but her encouragement makes me feel a little better. Like, two percent better.
“Does Aviva know that this is a big deal?”
I shake my head. “I told her I’m freaking out, but she doesn’t know that I may not make it past the thirty minutes.”
“Tell her. Please.”
Yeah, because that’s gonna be easy.
Hey, Aviva, I probably won’t make it past the thirty minutes because right now, I’d rather rip off my left nut than go.
Damn it, the thought of all those people. Standing around me, wanting to make small talk. Able to touch me and look at me without my gear.
Shit. I don’t think I’m gonna make it.
* * *
My hands are shaking against the steering wheel as I head to get Aviva. We have to be there at seven and it’s already ten minutes till, and I’m driving like a turtle. I don’t want to go. It’s that simple. To make matters worse, my mom decided to call and talk me to death.
“Why are you being so short with me?”
I want to groan loudly, but she wouldn’t appreciate that. Especially since she’s been dealing with it basically since I was born. I’ve always been a pain in the ass. “I have that gala tonight, and Dr. Jenkins says I can’t drink.”
“Oh,” she says softly. “I forgot that was tonight. I have it written down, but I forgot.”
“It’s fine.”
“You can do this, Nicolas. I promise. I have noticed such huge progress since you’ve been with this new therapist.”
“I thought you hated her.”
“I do. She sucks, but you’re doing great.”
“Because that makes sense.”
“Don’t question me,” she says sternly. “Listen, you know you have this.”
“Eh, that’s spotty,” I say with my face all twisted in annoyance, fear, and a wee bit of anger. I don’t know why I have to do this. Why can’t I be the player who just doesn’t do shit but win hockey games? I think I’m doing what I’m paid for. “Aviva is excited, though.”
“Is she? Send me pictures.”
“I will.” I probably won’t, though. “Are you bringing Mimi and Papa when you come?”
“I am.”
“Fantastic, Aviva will get to meet all of my crazy family.”
She chuckles happily. “For as much as you talk about her and her sister, I’m sure we’ll all love her.”
“Are you going to give her the third degree?”
“Yes, and this could all be done before I arrive if you’d give me her number.”
I roll my eyes. “I wouldn’t subject her to that. I want her to like me.”
“How could she not? You’re absolutely perfect.”
I love my mom. “Thanks, Mom.”
“It’s the truth. You know I love you more than anything in this world.”
“I know.”
“And if a woman is going to come in and replace me—”
“No one can replace you,” I say quickly. “Aviva wouldn’t even try.”
She pauses. I want to say I feel better, but I don’t. I’m terrified. I swallow hard as I turn onto Aviva’s street.