It isn’t right.
And it pisses me off. I spent the night preparing myself to see this relationship with Jaylin all the way through the way I want. Deep in my heart, I believe Jaylin will come to her senses and realize I don’t want anyone but her. Yes, it will be hard to share custody with Lilly if that happens, but I don’t want to be with her. I don’t want to be tied to her any more than I am through Celeste.
It’s such a beautiful feeling to be with a woman because she wants me. Because I am enough for her. Not because I have money or I knocked her up. I don’t go through the day terrified that Jaylin is cheating on me or spending all my money. Instead, I am excited to see her, be with her, and enjoy the little family we have made. We may look different, we may come from different worlds, but no matter what, our souls are connected. Or at least that’s what I keep telling myself so I don’t lose my mind. I know she feels we’re moving fast. I also know she hasn’t slept with me in my bed, but she is mine, I am hers, and Celeste is ours.
It’s that simple.
I brush Celeste’s hair up in a short little ponytail as she plays with some blocks and sings with Dora. I didn’t even think Dora was on TV anymore, but apparently I was wrong. And of course, she loves that monkey. Jaylin jokes that Celeste will be a zookeeper with her love of animals, but I’m kinda hoping she’ll want to be a lawyer. If my super-intelligent, hot-ass lawyer girlfriend will stay in my life and not leave me because of my crazy baby mama drama. Man, I knew this was all too good to be true. Guys like me, with the kind of past I have, don’t get girls like her.
Oh look, my anxiety is back to play some more.
I roll my eyes as I put a bow in Celeste’s hair and then make sure her little dress fits her right before putting on her tights. Once she’s dressed, I go to pack her bag. We’re only heading to the hospital to see Nico and Aviva’s new baby, but no telling what could happen. The kid loves to poop. I’m packing bottles when my phone sounds. I pull it out to see it’s Jaylin.
My heart jumps into my throat.
I hit answer so fast, I almost drop the phone. I grab it quickly. “Hey.”
“Hey,” she says, pausing, and I almost lose my mind.
“Hey.”
She chuckles softly. “Hey. Um…wow, I don’t know why I’m being weird.”
“’Cause we need to talk things out,” I suggest, knowing it’s true but dreading the unknown.
“Exactly,” she says on a sigh. “I should have called earlier.”
“From what I hear, you’ve been running ragged getting Callie there.”
I can hear the smile in her voice when she answers. “I did. Finally had to call her RA.”
I chuckle nervously as I wait for her to say something else. I don’t have to wait long.
“Are you coming up here to see the baby?”
“I am.” I move to add some diapers to the bag. “I’m packing Celeste’s bag and then heading that way.”
“Okay, don’t forget her paci. I left it on the nightstand.”
“Ah,” I say, running back into the room to grab it so I don’t forget. “Got it.”
“Also, don’t put her in those moccasin shoes. They don’t fit right. Put her in her UGG boots I got her.”
I reach for her boots before I leave the room. “Done.”
“Did you pull her hair up?”
“I did. She’s wearing the outfit you had picked out for today.”
“Good. Listen—”
“No. Can I say something?” I ask, but then I don’t wait for her to answer. “Jaylin, I love you.”
I hear the emotion in her voice as she whispers, “I love you more.” She lets out a sigh. “We really need to talk.”
I don’t know if I like the sound of that. My anxiety is screaming “Talk now!” but this isn’t the kind of thing we can discuss over the phone. “I’m on my way up there.”
When the doorbell sounds, she asks, “You expecting company?”
“No, and it better not be fucking Lilly.” But of course, when I look out the window, I see the car Lilly drove last night. “Fuck me, it is.”
“Well, that sucks.”
“Yeah. Can I take you to lunch after we see the baby?”
“I would love that.”
“Okay. I’ll see you in a few.”
“All right, but don’t kill your ex. And if you do, call me first. I’ll bail you out and represent you. I’ll get you off.” She says it as a joke, but her voice is strained.
“Man, I hit the lottery with you.”
“Yeah, you did,” she says ever so softly. “As did I with you. And Celeste, of course.”