As I gaze at her, I feel like I’m falling over the edge. Fuck it, I don’t want to be caught or stopped.
“I feel like a train wreck,” she admits, and I cup her jaw.
I give her a small smile. “You’re not, sweetheart.”
She examines me. “Are you disgusted by me?”
“Not at all,” I say incredulously. “Why would I be?”
“Because of what I just said.”
“Jaylin, I’m in awe of you.”
“You are?”
“Completely. You overcame a trauma and made something even stronger of yourself. How can I be anything but proud of you?”
“I’ve never told anyone. Not even my therapist when I was going to one.”
My heart swells. “I’m thankful you trust me.”
She presses her nose to mine. “I feel safe with you.”
“That’s all I want,” I whisper against her lips as I squeeze her hand. “Trust me when I say we can go as slow as you want. As long as you continue being honest with me.”
“That’s not a problem.”
“And you know nothing like that will ever happen here. I will literally kill someone for you.”
Her lips tip up at the side. “No one has ever said that to me.”
“Because they aren’t me.”
She perks her mouth, and I do the same, gently kissing her. When she smiles against my lips, I grin back at her. “You’re going to make me fall in love with you, aren’t you?”
A shiver runs through my body at just the idea of that. “That’s the plan. I’ll pull out all the stops. I’ll even use my kid to make it happen. So, get ready, Counselor.”
She giggles against my lips. “Oh, Kirby, I swear to you, I’m trying.”
I kiss her once more. “That’s all I can ask for.”
Because let’s be honest, once she allows herself to love me, I won’t need a Stanley Cup ring.
I’ll have Celeste and her.
Nothing could ever compare to them.
Chapter Twenty
Kirby
* * *
It’s really frustrating to sit during a hockey game.
Even though I know it’s only preseason, it doesn’t matter. I hate it. I am aware it’s for the young kids to shine and figure out what it’s like to play in an NHL game, but I’m still beyond frustrated. This is the second game I’ve sat at, and all I can think is I could be home with Celeste. I could be holding her, putting her to bed, feeding her, and playing in the sand, but all that is now happening on the phone. Jean…God, she is an angel, is making sure I have my time with my girl. She’ll set the iPad up on the floor, and I’m able to play with my daughter. At night, she’s okay with doing the same so I can watch Celeste sleep.
I didn’t realize how hard this was going to be.
When we were in the Cup final, Celeste was like a potato. She didn’t move much at the time, and I trusted Lilly to make sure she was taken care of. But now, Celeste is not only moving and doing things, but I have this ungodly fear that Lilly could come snatch my kid. Not because she wants Celeste, but because she wants to hurt me. It has been over a week since our court date and still no contact. I can’t go an hour without some kind of update from Jean, but Lilly has gone almost a month. It’s beyond me, it’s unfathomable, and I hate her for it. I hate that I have hate in my heart for this woman, but I do. How can she do this to our baby girl? It’s Lilly’s blood, her flesh, and…nothing. The situation makes me irate, but then I think of Jaylin, and soon it all floats away.
Unlike Lilly, the mother, by the second day of my being on the road, Jaylin asked if it was okay if she went over to hang with Celeste. I couldn’t say yes quick enough. It has been such a help because when she comes by, Jean is able to run errands more easily or do anything else she needs to do. Though, from what I’m being told by both of them, they’ve become buddies, Jaylin and Jean. They had a girls’ night and play-painted Celeste’s nails while they did theirs. I’ve noticed Jaylin spends more time at my place than her own. Though she hasn’t slept over. I don’t want to let it bother me, and of course, my mind goes to every reason I could be doing something wrong, but then I remind myself of the real reason. She may trust me and she may feel safe, but she still isn’t ready mentally, and that is totally fine. I understand, and I will be supportive. No matter how much I want to wrap my body around hers and never let her leave. I’ve never been with a woman who doesn’t want me to do everything. Or has to depend on me. While it’s something I am trying to navigate, I will do whatever I need to so that Jaylin is comfortable.