“So did Chandler and I, and now look.”
She shakes her head. “It was never just about sex with you two, and you know it.” She reaches for the door.
“I thought it was, though. And now, it’s all so fast and so real, and there are so many feelings.”
“Yup, no feelings but lust between Nico and me. So, you have fun with that,” she says as she opens the door. “Nico, want to take me back to your place?”
“Sure the hell do,” I hear him say just as Sadie comes barreling in and jumping on my bed. She heads right for me, laying her head on my chest before the rest of her body settles into the comforter. I slide my fingers through her silky hair as I listen to Nico and Shelli leave. I’m not sure how I feel about the two of them hooking up, but really, why do I care? She’s happy, and that’s all that matters. I watch as the lights are shut off, and I hear the doors being locked. It’s all so natural. So perfect. Like Chandler has been doing this every night of my life.
When Chandler pushes the bedroom door open, he has a smile on his face. He moves through the room, removing his clothes and then climbing into bed with me. He wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me back into him. He kisses up my shoulder before planting a wet kiss on my neck. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” I whisper as I lean my head back into his chin. “You?”
“I’m great,” he says into my hair. “But I’m not the one who had to stir up the past.”
“That wasn’t fun, but lying here with you makes it better.”
I feel his grin against my head. “Shelli is okay?”
“Shelli is insane.”
“Seems about right,” he laughs as he kisses my neck. “I do have some questions.”
“Questions?”
“When I was cleaning, I found a drawer full of checks from your ex-husband.”
I close my eyes as I stroke Sadie’s head. “My hush money so I don’t talk about what he did.”
“You didn’t cash them?”
“I don’t want them. I feel that if I take the money, it’s giving life to what he did, and I don’t want that. I want it all to go away. Make like it never happened. But each time a check comes, it’s a reminder.”
He nods. “Maybe we can cash them and donate the money to a women’s shelter?”
Tears flood my eyes. “I’d really love that.”
“I’ll go with you.”
“Thank you.”
“Anytime,” he whispers before kissing below my ear. “Who else knows? I’m sure if Ryan knew, Drew wouldn’t be alive.”
I bite into my lip. “Only you and Shelli know. Please keep it that way. With the way Shelli acted, I can only imagine that my family would do worse. Especially Ryan.”
“I won’t tell them.” He kisses my hair. “Why did you stay, Amelia?”
“Pride and hope,” I say automatically. “I wanted so badly for it to work out because I thought he was the one. Even when he was punching me in the gut, I would convince myself it was my fault.”
Chandler’s nose moves through my hair. “But weren’t you unhappy with him? Even when he wasn’t hitting you?”
“I was.”
Silence threatens to suffocate me as I wait for more of his questions. I figured he’d have some after enduring my emotional breakdown. When he takes in a deep breath, I tighten my grip on Sadie.
“Promise me something.” When I don’t answer, he continues. “If you’re ever unhappy with me, tell me so I can fix it.”
I blink a few times as I bring in breath after breath. “What?”
I roll onto my back to look up at him.
His eyes are full of such compassion. “I don’t ever want you to feel like anything we disagree about or that upsets me is your fault. Talk to me. Tell me what you’re feeling, and I’ll do the same. I didn’t with my marriage, and I think that was a big problem. I just let her act like a fool, and I made excuses for her.”
I nod. “I did the same.”
“I don’t want to make that mistake with you. I love you too much to lose you.”
I feel as if I’m flying in the clouds. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” he says, kissing my nose. “I don’t want this to end because we can’t communicate. What we have is real, Amelia, and I don’t ever want you to feel unhappy or unloved when you’re with me. Because when I’m with you, I don’t feel that way.”
Tears well up in my eyes as I gaze up into his sweet topaz ones. No one has ever said that to me except my dad.
When I was twelve, I thought about quitting gymnastics because I couldn’t get a flight series on beam. I fell every time. My dad asked me if I was unhappy, and I told him yes, but mostly with myself. He asked if I felt unloved when I was there, and I didn’t. My coaches were wonderful, and so were my teammates. He asked if I still loved the sport, and I did; I loved it so much. So he asked me to believe in myself and the sport. Instead of quitting, I landed my flight series. Though, I think I accomplished it because he went to practice with me for three weeks. That was over thirty hours a week on top of his forty-hour-plus workweek. He would bring work to do in the stands, and when I looked over at him, he would mouth he loved me. When I finally nailed the series, he made such a fuss, screaming and hooting and hollering for me, that I cried. He asked why I was crying, I had done it, and I told him that he’d made me feel so important and so loved that it was overwhelming.