I bite the inside of my cheek as he slips past Jakob, and then he’s gone.
I look at Jakob, and he has an odd expression on his face. “How do you feel?”
Incredible. Amazing. Over-the-top fantastic.
“I believe him,” I say softly. “But I’m not changing the way I’m coaching or how I feel about this.”
I’m unsure, but I think I said that to convince myself.
I can’t let what just happened cloud my judgment. While Boon has just taken my virginity and rocked my world, he will have to prove himself on the ice.
I just hope that my decision on the ice won’t affect us off the ice.
Wait, is there an us?
“I respect that,” Jakob says, requiring my attention. “But I feel good about him. I’m glad you guys are talking. He’s a great guy.”
“I never doubted that. The last two days have been good. I still want to watch tapes and prepare. The Wild are dangerous.”
“Sounds good,” he says on an exhale. He then points to the floor. “You dropped some stuff.”
“Oh, thanks,” I say, and then I start to pick it up.
“I’ll see you out there.”
Finally, he shuts my door, and I lean back in my chair, dropping my head back. I go lax, letting my body sprawl as I stare up at the ceiling. I can’t believe I did that. My body is still vibrating, and my sex is aching. It hurts, but it’s a good hurt. Oh my God, I had sex. Good sex. Some would even say hot sex. I always thought my first time would be like the movies, with candles and soft music playing. It would be awkward and cute. Never thought I’d be banged on top of a desk by some super-hot dude who couldn’t control himself.
He couldn’t control himself.
He dreamed of my pussy.
Is this real life?
Man, he blows me away. He’s so rough and stoic on the ice, but when it’s just us, it’s different. He’s different. Oh my God, I’m giddy. Wait, okay, I gotta keep my head about me. I can’t go on, making this something it’s not. I don’t even know him. He doesn’t know me. This could have been only a mindless, fast fuck. He probably just wanted to get off. I swallow hard as the negative thoughts start piling on. I was there, and I didn’t stop him. I wanted it, and guys don’t turn down free pussy.
But he called you gorgeous. No one does that.
But I did let him lay me down on the desk and take what he wanted.
But he kissed you. A lot. And he hugged you. And cleaned you up.
What if it’s only because I’m his coach and he doesn’t want me to bench him?
I let my head fall to the desk, and now the tears come. In heaps. I haven’t cried like this since the whole Maxim deal. I’m unsure if I’m crying for my now-gone virginity or for the fact that Boon used me. My body shakes with sobs as I go back and forth with myself. I want to believe he could like me. It feels like he could, but what if he doesn’t? What if this was his way of showing dominance? Of making me do what he wants me to do? I squeeze my eyes shut tightly, but the tears leak out and fall onto my desk.
What did I just do?
* * *
“Wow.”
“Yeah.”
Ally pauses, makes a noise, and then pauses once more. I lean on my hand and close my eyes. I stopped crying, which is good, but I’m still feeling pretty upset. I skipped morning skate to gather myself. It was optional, and I had work to do before our meeting with the team. Problem is, I have not done a lick of work. Instead, I’m sitting here staring at my tablet as I relive what Boon and I did on my desk. That is, until I called Ally.
“Wow. I’m stunned. You didn’t even tell him?”
“No,” I admit, shaking my head. “I was like ‘Don’t stop,’ and he didn’t stop.”
Ally giggles. “Wow, that’s… Well, I think it’s amazing. Are you okay?”
I pause. “Physically, yes. I’m sore, and it was super painful. He’s hung like an elephant—”
“No way.”
“Yeah, girl. It was way bigger than I was ready for.”
“That is awesome.”
“Sure, it hurt, but then it felt really damn good.”
“You know I love sex a lot. And I know you don’t have a frame of reference, but how do you think it was?”
“Oh, it was awesome,” I gush, my heart fluttering. “He was rough. But I mean, he didn’t hold back, he told me he dreamed of me but nothing could have prepared him for the reality.”
She sighs. “Well, hot damn, that’s sexy as fuck.”
“It was, and then he was kind. He cleaned me up and made sure I was good before worrying about himself.”