Unlike her, he didn’t keep still while she undressed him, his hands and lips moving with increasing urgency over her body as she struggled with recalcitrant buttons and an obstinate belt buckle.
His body was just as she remembered it—darkly tanned, strongly masculine in outline and texture, his skin gleaming like oiled silk, tears stinging briefly in her eyes as she looked at him. He let her look at him, her legs curled to one side as she sat beside him, bending to stroke her fingertips along his skin, as though she couldn’t believe he was real. Beneath her touch his muscles clenched and tensed, his body fiercely and unashamedly aroused, and a quiver of something that came close to pain struck through her as she looked at him, but then it was obliterated as he muttered her name with a raw hunger that mirrored her own desire, his head lifting as he pillowed it against her thighs, smoothing the silky skin, and stroking down to her ankles, uncurling her legs from their bent position.
Desire erupted deep inside her, a heady, sexual excitement she could never remember experiencing before, leaping from nerve ending to nerve ending like a bush fire. Long before Jake turned his head and pushed her gently back against the sheets she was aching with desire for him, welcoming his intimate exploration of her body, curling round to stroke her fingers along his spine, lost in a sensual exploration of his body that demanded an intimacy she had never known before. But before her senses had not been starved of him for so long that she wanted to absorb him into her skin; to feel and know every part of him. A glorious sense of freedom she had never known before possessed her, her fingertips teasing light caresses against his hip, her tongue brushing moistly across his flat stomach. The sudden tension infiltrating his muscles stopped her, the heated urgency of his thick, ‘Kate,’ shuddering against her skin as his teeth bit sweetly at her thigh. ‘Kate, don’t touch me like that unless you know exactly what you’re inviting,’ he muttered against her, his thumb circling the flesh sensitised by his mouth.
Something primitive and intense boiled up inside her, a wild sweet yearning centred on the sensations his mouth against her skin had invoked; a need to make him share the same desire pulsing through her, as she ignored his warning, to press her lips tormentingly against his stomach, her fingers stroking softly along his thigh.
‘Kate!’ Jake didn’t make any attempt to stop her, lying tense beneath her tentative caress, until a deep shudder was wrenched from him, followed by another, his hoarse gasp of pleasure finding an answering response deep inside her as he moved, grasping her hands as he pinned her to the bed, muttering her name harshly as his lips burned a trail of fierce kisses across her skin, lingering on the smooth swell of her stomach, and then lower, tormenting her as she now realised she had been tormenting him, inciting her to moan and arch against him restlessly until his hands stilled her threshing body, stroking lightly along her thighs until they parted and deep, relentless tremors of need shuddered through her.
‘Kate, Kate, how I’ve longed to see you like this, aroused, wanting me, the way I want you.’ He bent, brushing her dry, parted lips with his, stroking them with the moist tip of his tongue, until she melted against him, pleading feverishly with husky, muttered words for the fulfilment his caresses promised but that his body still denied her.
His lips trailed tantalisingly over her skin, the heated, flushed contours of her cheek bones, the delicate curving spirals of her ear, the smooth creaminess of her throat where her pulse thudded out its primitive message, and down, tantalising the firm upper curves of her breasts, the shadowed valley between them, until she felt half crazed with need, her lips pressing hotly urgent kisses against his skin, her hands sliding down his body to grip his hips, the same fine tension infusing her body echoed in his as he muttered something thickly under his breath, her body rejoicing in the slow, deliberate invasion of his as his head bent towards her, his lips touching briefly against hers, tiny, tormenting kisses that ceased only when his body started to move with rhythmic urgency against hers, and the pressure of his mouth finally hardened into the possession she wanted.
She had always enjoyed Jake’s lovemaking, even when she resented him, but they had never shared anything like this before; this total giving and taking, for once completely open to each other, both of them revealing the extent of their physical need. Jake wasn’t patient or careful as he had been in the past, and the very intensity of his need, overruling as it did the control she knew he was capable of, seemed to ignite a response within her that went far beyond anything she had previously experienced. She was conscious of crying his name as he took them both upwards, pleasure exploding in increasingly urgent waves inside her as she spun, free of gravity in a place where there was only each other, Jake’s fierce cries of pleasure blending with her own more muted sounds of love.
She couldn’t remember floating back down to earth, but she must have done so, because the next thing she was conscious of was lying satiated and totally relaxed in Jake’s arms, breathing in the musky scent of his body, and revelling in the knowledge that it was she who had brought him to that pitch of arousal that had defied self-control.
‘I suppose you want a cup of tea now?’ He said it drowsily but with good humour, and Kate blushed. It was true that in the past she had always enjoyed a cup of tea after they had made love. ‘I’ll go and get it,’ she offered, but he shook his head, pushing her back against the pillows.
‘No,’ he growled softly. ‘I want you in my bed all night, and if I let you get out now you might never come back. Stay there.’
She closed her eyes, listening drowsily to the sound of him moving about downstairs. She had never known such a feeling of satisfaction. Strange to think it had all come about because… She froze, appalled by the realisation that she had completely forgotten why she had come to see him. There must be something Freudian in her behaviour, she acknowledged shakily, admitting to herself that she had forgotten so easily because she hadn’t wanted to remember. Jake had stopped moving and the silence suddenly seemed armed with a distinct sense of hostility. Sliding out of bed, Kate pulled on Jake’s discarded shirt and hurried to the banister. Jake was standing with his back to her, looking at the paper. She closed her eyes sickly, and as though alerted to her presence by some sixth sense he turned, his eyes dark with contempt, his face hard.
‘You little bitch,’ he swore thickly, ‘what were you doing? Hoping to get a few more confidences out of me?’ He laughed, and the sound was ugly. ‘You ought to have remembered that I don’t like talking either when I’m making love or afterwards!’
‘Jake, it isn’t as you think,’ she pleaded shakily. ‘Please let me explain.’
‘Explain? Just how the hell do you think you can do that?’ he jeered contemptuously. ‘It speaks for itself, Kate. Dear God, and to think I trusted you! I ought to have known better. You’re nothing but a crazed fanatic and you don’t care who you hurt. I ought to have learned my lesson before; to have realised that the leopard doesn’t change its spots. Your damned cause always did matter more to you than me, and nothing’s changed!’
‘Jake, please, please listen to me. It isn’t like you think. I came to see you to explain, Kevin showed me the article this afternoon. I never…’
‘Never what? Expected him to publish? Are you trying to tell me that you didn’t say this?’ He tossed the paper aside angrily. ‘I recognise every damned word! I ought to, I’ve heard them enough. Well, I’ve had it with you, Kate. I thought you might have grown up, might have come to realise…’ He bit out a curse as the phone rang. He picked it up, and his expression changed as he listened. ‘Right. I’ll be out there just as soon as I can,’ he cut in crisply.
‘We can’t continue this right now,’ he told Kate when he had replaced the receiver. ‘There’s some sort of crisis on at the station. The result of my inefficient safety regulations, no doubt—at least that’s what your friend Harold Barnes will want to convince his readers. I suppose it’s no use asking you not to run to him with this latest little titbit, is it?’ he fini
shed scathingly. ‘God, when I think of the harm you’ve done! Are you so blind that you can’t see how I’m trying to…’ He broke off, grimacing. ‘Oh, God, what’s the use? You’re so stubbornly blind there’s no point in my talking to you. No wonder you put such enthusiasm into your lovemaking! Did he pay you well for that information, Kate? He must have done, to judge by your enthusiastic search for more. Well, at least I gained something from the exchange, I suppose; it’s been a long time since my body’s known such a quality of satisfaction. You’ve become an extraordinarily sensual woman in the time we’ve been apart. I can remember when you would have flinched and drawn back in horror rather than touch me the way you touched me tonight.’ He saw the colour rise up under her skin and laughed harshly.
‘How long…how long will you be gone?’ Kate asked tonelessly, fighting hard to retain her self-control. She couldn’t leave this house until she had made him believe the truth, but now wasn’t the time, when he was so plainly impatient to be on his way. Who could have imagined things could change so quickly, her body was still stupefied by the intensity of their lovemaking, so much so that she was finding it hard to grasp how swiftly events had changed. Five minutes ago they had been lovers. Now they were enemies, at war once again.
‘Just so long as it takes,’ he drawled coldly. ‘Why?’
‘No reason.’ She wasn’t going to tell him she was going to wait for his return. He would probably forbid her to do so, and tell her to leave, but once she left she would never be able to find the courage to return and tell him the truth. If only she hadn’t fallen asleep, her ordeal would be behind her now.
But if she hadn’t fallen asleep they might not have made love, she reminded herself, and the memory of those moments they had shared was still too precious for her to regret what had caused them.
‘I have to leave now.’ She had purposely dawdled over dressing, and her fingers trembled nervously against the buttons of her blouse when Jake strode back into the bedroom, dressed in jeans and a sweater. ‘I won’t hold you up,’ Kate told him hesitantly. ‘I’ll let myself out.’
He glanced at her rather sharply, then nodded. ‘Very well.’ He didn’t offer to wait for her, or give her a lift home, Kate noticed. He probably couldn’t bear to spend any more time with her, and who could blame him? He didn’t know the true facts, and in his shoes…
She sighed, her ears stretched for the sound of his car. When she heard it moving down the drive, she abandoned the pretence of getting dressed and wandered back to the bed, curling up with her head on his pillow, breathing in the familiar scent of him, squeezing her eyes tightly closed as though by doing so she could prevent the scalding tears from falling. It was a senseless exercise, and there was a certain measure of release to be found in giving way to the misery invading her.
Jake’s pillow was damp with her tears before she stopped, suddenly realising that it could be hours before he returned, wondering what Mrs Hillary would think when she discovered she was still here.
What did it matter? Half the village thought they were lovers already anyway, and once she left… She had to stay, to confront him before she became so cowardly that she couldn’t do it. She stretched out, yawning, for the second time in one evening letting herself slide slowly into sleep.
CHAPTER NINE
WHILE SHE SLEPT Kate dreamed; she dreamed she was back in the early days of their marriage when she had been blissfully happy, believing that Jake loved her as much as she loved him. But that had been before Lyla had inadvertently let slip that Jake had berated her for not watching properly over Kate. From Lyla’s confidences she had gained the impression that Jake had married her more out of concern than love, and she had begun to notice that while he seemed content to make love with her he never mentioned his inner feelings or gave any indication that his emotions were as strongly involved as her own. How could they be? she had asked herself, Jake was nine years her senior; and knew far more of life and people than her. She had seen the looks other women gave him, had seen them and been bitterly jealous. In her dream they were together in the house which had been their home before she had become involved in the peace movement and her own personal vendetta against Jake’s job.
She woke up suddenly, unrefreshed, drained by the emotions of her dream. In that last final quarrel she had told him that if he really cared for her he would give up his job. How coldly he had looked at her when he countered that if she really loved him nothing else, not even his job, would matter. How childish she had been! She sighed, stretching and glancing at her watch. Nine o’clock. She had slept for several hours, and where was Jake? Still at the station?
She was up and dressed when Mrs Hillary arrived. The housekeeper expressed no surprise on seeing her, merely saying grimly, ‘I’ve heard there’s trouble down at the station. Our Mary’s lad works there. Came home full of it last night, he did. He’s on the night shift and it seems the foreman told them they was all to go home. All apart from half a dozen of the more experienced staff. Some sort of leakage, it is.’
Kate went cold, the blood draining away from her face. She knew all about the dangers of radiation leakage; had seen far too many graphic photographs to dismiss Mrs Hillary’s words from her mind. She looked at the telephone, fighting down the urge to pick up the receiver and ring Jake. If there was a leak the last thing he would have time to do would be to speak to her on the phone, but oh God, she wanted to be with him. On impulse she dialled Kevin’s number, but his answering service gave her the information that he was out on his calls. Did one of them include the station? Damn it, she swore to herself, she was Jake’s wife. She had every right to know what was happening, to be at his side. As she paced the room she found herself praying that he was all right, all their differences forgotten when she was brought face to face with his mortality. And there was the final irony; now of all times she felt a fierce regret that she had not had his child, something of him to cherish and love…’ Oh God!’ She wasn’t aware that the sobbed words had been uttered until Mrs Hillary patted her awkwardly on the back.
‘There, there, miss. I doubt it’s as bad as it seems. Two or three of these emergencies they had last year, and all of them turned out to be something and nothing in the end. You just sit yourself down and I’ll make us both a nice cup of tea.’
Suddenly grateful for the older woman’s company, Kate marvelled that Mrs Hillary had accepted her presence so matter-of-factly. While she was in the kitchen the phone rang, and Kate snatched up the receiver, her terse, ‘Yes?’ meeting silence.
‘Is that Woolerton 8295?’ the male voice at the other end asked at length. Numbly agreeing, Kate heard him say, ‘I wanted to speak with Jake Harvey. I do have the right number, don’t I?’ The voice was faintly accented, American, Kate realised, and she pulled herself together long enough to respond shakily, ‘I’m afraid Jake isn’t here right now.’
‘Oh, the time difference, I guess. He already left for the centre, is that it?’
‘Yes,’ Kate agreed. ‘Can I—can I ask him to call you back when he returns?’ She wouldn’t let herself add mentally, ‘if he returns.’ She wasn’t going to harbour pessimistic thoughts.
‘No, it’s okay, I’ll give him a call another time. Say…’ recognising the hesitation in the sure voice Kate waited, ‘I hope I’m not out of line, but are you…am I speaking with Kate?’
For a moment Kate was too stunned to speak. How did this man know her name? And then realising that her silence must be disconcerting for him she stammered, ‘Well, yes, but how did you…’
‘Well, that’s just fine!’ There was a wealth of warmth and pleasure in the transatlantic tones. ‘Jake and I were buddies while he was working over here. Got pretty close too. Both of us had been through a bad time personally, and sort of drifted together. I’d just been through a pretty sour divorce, and Jake told me…’ he hesitated, and then continued, ‘he told me that the pair of you had been having problems, that you wanted him to give up his job. He told me how you felt
about disarmament, and I wasn’t surprised when he decided not to accept the promotion he was offered over here. I knew he wanted to go home to you. He told me that he’d hoped to convince you that by working on the warfare side of nuclear power he was helping to control its indiscriminate use, but that you weren’t having any, so he’d decided to switch to the power side. It was quite a blow to us over here. He was one of our top men—but then I guess I don’t need to tell you how well thought of he is in our field. I guess he decided that his personal life and you meant more to him in the end than a successful career. I’m only glad he was able to talk it through with you. When he left he wasn’t any too sure that you would see him. He’d been keeping tabs on you, though. That guy sure loves you one hell of a lot, Kate.’
‘Yes.’ Was that really her voice, raw with pain and shame?
‘Well, I guess I’d better go now, but you might remind Jake that he promised me I could stand as godfather for your first child. Say, I haven’t said anything out of place have I?’ he pressed uncertainly when she was silent. ‘I mean, you do love the guy?’
‘I love him,’ Kate confirmed softly, replacing the receiver. Yes, she loved him, but she loved her own pride more; too immature to realise that the love that two people shared between them was such a precious thing that it deserved to be cherished and protected against everything else. She was still totally opposed to nuclear missiles and all that they represented, but over and above any involvement she might have with the anti-nuclear movement was her love for Jake. With maturity she realised that her motives had not been entirely pure. She had resented Jake’s maturity, and her own love for him, and she had punished him for both, cloaking her punishment under the guise of her dislike of his job.