She wondered if Jill had even noticed. But it didn’t really matter because Esther had. She put her hands on her hips and gave a little stretch backwards. It was odd. She was still having to take paracetamol for her temperature and she had still had that odd heavy feeling. Usually by this point the antibiotics would have started to kick in, and the tiredness at least would have begun to lift.
But not yet.
Her appetite hadn’t quite returned either. Yesterday she’d ate that scone, and then hadn’t eaten until later at night—and that had just been a bowl of soup. This morning she hadn’t even eaten breakfast, just made do with a caramel latte. That had been on the way into work, and funny thing was, she still wasn’t hungry.
She gave Jill a smile. ‘How you doing? I’ll be going to the canteen later for some food. Want to come with me?’
It didn’t matter whether she was hungry or not. Some of the other staff had noted that Jill hadn’t been eating much. Hospital meals were always supplied for parents in the NICU, but Jill hadn’t been touching hers. She did occasionally leave the NICU and say she was going to buy something—usually from a vending machine—but Esther wasn’t convinced. Maybe it was time to try another tack.
Jill shot a glance at the crib. ‘But if you’re with me, who will watch Billy?’ There was genuine apprehension in her voice.
‘I will,’ came the deep reply without hesitation. ‘I intend to be around most of the day, so let me know when you both want to go, and I’ll make myself a coffee, and take up post in the most comfortable chair in the place.’
He pointed to the reclining chair that Jill had next to Billy’s crib and she let out a laugh. Not all of the chairs in the unit could tip back the way Jill’s did and she was the envy of some of the other parents. ‘You promise you won’t leave him?’ She looked over at Esther, then turned back to Harry. ‘I know all the staff are good, but I trust Esther the most. I only ever leave Billy for more than a few minutes if she’s here.’
He held up his hands, laughing. ‘So what am I? The sloppy second?’
Colour rushed into Jill’s cheeks but Esther quickly took a step towards Harry and nudged him. ‘That’s what I like. A surgeon that knows his place.’ She couldn’t hide the glint in her eye.
They’d definitely started off on the wrong foot together, but she was beginning to understand him just a little more. He might not be quite as arrogant as she’d first thought. As if right on cue her stomach gave a grumble.
‘Oh,’ said Jill. ‘Shall we go now? Let me grab my bag.’
Esther put her hands to her stomach and let out an embarrassed laugh. ‘Oops.’
‘Better make my coffee, then,’ said Harry quickly as he ducked into the NICU kitchen.
Esther went to check with one of her other colleagues that it was fine to leave. ‘Harry’s apparently watching Billy,’ she told her.
Danielle raised her eyebrows. ‘The surgeon? How on earth did you manage that one?’
‘I didn’t,’ she said, feeling a little uncomfortable. It was unusual. She couldn’t remember a surgeon ever offering to keep watch on a baby. Not to cover a break at least. ‘He offered.’ She paused for a second, then added, ‘I think he’s concerned about mum. I offered to take Jill down to the canteen but she was reluctant to go and leave Billy.’
‘Ah. That makes sense. Try and get her a bit of fresh air too. She needs it.’ It was almost like Danielle had instantly forgotten the first part of the conversation. She stuck her hand in her pocket and pulled out some coins. ‘Here, get me something sweet. This diet I’ve been on is killing me. I need a chocolate fix.’
Esther smiled and nodded. ‘No probs. See you soon.’
She checked back at the crib. Harry had settled into the seat and had pulled the flap down on the crib and was talking in a quiet voice to Billy. As she walked over he pretended not to notice. ‘Watch out, Billy. Here comes Crabbie Rabbie. We’ve got to behave around her or we’ll both get into trouble.’
Esther’s mouth hung open. ‘Who on earth told you that?’ She’d always known her nickname. Her colleagues frequently used it with affection, but she hadn’t expected some visiting surgeon to come out with it. People had clearly been talking.
‘What?’ Now it was his turn to have the glint in his eyes. He glanced over each shoulder as if someone was standing behind him. ‘Did I say something?’
She leaned at the edge of the crib and looked down at Billy. ‘Billy, don’t you listen to these bad influences. You know who the favourite is.’
She touched Harry’s shoulder on the way past. ‘And you’re right. You do have to behave. Don’t forget it.’
Jill hurried over with her bag on her shoulder. ‘Are we good to go?’
Harry smiled. ‘Absolutely, your boy is in safe hands. Now take your time. I’ll be right here waiting.’
He shot Esther a quick glance. A silent message passing between them. Their joking was pushed aside again. Jill was the priority here. There was so much evidence about healthy mum, healthy baby. Esther took it completely seriously, and it seemed like Harry did too.
Esther held open the door for Jill, taking one final glance backwards as something warm spread through her. Most surgeons she met were quite insular. Only interested in moving on to their next surgery once the job was done. Harry seemed to be taking a much wider view. It was nice.
His head was dipped close to Billy and he was chatting away, his cup on the table next to him. She watched as he used some gel nearby before stretching his hand inside and letting Billy grasp his finger.
A smile lit up Harry’s face.
And that was the moment she knew he was trouble.
CHAPTER THREE
SHE DIDN’T SLEEP too well that night. She might as well have covered the night shift the amount of times she was back and forth to the toilet.
; By the time she took the route along the Thames she’d reached that strange point where sleep now seemed like an optional extra, so she bought the biggest coffee she could from one of the street vendors with two extra shots to try and give herself the oomph that felt missing.
It was a huge relief when she walked into the NICU and Harry wasn’t there. Last thing she wanted was him calling her on how tired she looked. Apparently he’d gone back to France to see the baby he’d operated on previously.
He’d been so scrupulous about Billy’s monitoring—almost as much as she was—and she’d heard him on the phone to France yesterday on a few occasions. It was clear he kept a close eye on any baby he’d operated on.
Yesterday they seemed to have reached an uneasy truce. There hadn’t been a single word about her expertise or competence. She’d spent most of the day looking after both Billy and his mother, but Harry had constantly stayed around. Lingering doubts had hovered in her head and part of her wondered if he was keeping an eye on Billy, or if he was really keeping an eye on her. The more she’d thought about it last night, the more it seemed to amplify in her mind. Could he have hung around yesterday to assess her competence?
Once the seed was planted there she just couldn’t shake it off. She’d re-examined every conversation they’d had. The fact he’d offered to sit with Billy to let her take Jill to the canteen. The truth was Jill hadn’t eaten much at all.
But for the first time Jill had agreed to leave Billy’s bedside and have a few hours’ sleep in an actual bed. The NICU had two small rooms—just big cupboards, really—where parents could actually lie down and sleep, then have a shower if they wished. If Harry was examining her care, surely he could see how important it was to take care of mum too?
Billy’s post-op care had been unremarkable, but when she’d read the theatre notes Esther realised just how touch and go it had been for him. Even if she’d initially detested him Harry Beaumont was a skilled surgeon, and looking at the neat clean scar line on Billy’s tiny chest and the way his lungs filled with air every few moments, the scare in Theatre seemed a lifetime away.