And now it had. In a set of circumstances she couldn’t have imagined.
Why couldn’t her special guy be someone ordinary, someone normal? Not some hotshot pilot who constantly tried to conquer the world. Not some guy with career ambitions that could leave you breathless.
She banged her head back against the wall. But that was all part of Austin. All part of the guy who had stolen her heart. The guy she’d fallen in love with.
A tear slid down her cheek again. Was this what falling in love was like? Was this what she’d waited her whole life to feel? Because right now it wasn’t birds singing and unicorns dashing across the sky through multi-coloured rainbows. Right now it felt like a whole host of tangled thoughts and emotions.
Nothing about it was simple.
But everything about it was Austin.
She had to tell him. Of course she had to tell him. But today hadn’t been the time or the place. Next week she had her OB/GYN appointment. Maybe things would be a little clearer in her mind by then. Because right now her brain resembled a slurry, muddy watering hole.
One that she had to find a way out of.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
THE ALARMS SOUNDED in his helmet and the orange light flashed in front of him.
‘Darn it!’ He threw down the pistol-grip tool. Except, he couldn’t really throw it down. Not when he was in six million gallons of water.
It drifted off in front of him. The voice came through his helmet. ‘Well done, Bates. That’s the third time you’ve screwed up that manoeuvre. So, the space station now has no power in that section and you’ve just added to the space-junk problem.’
Six hours in the neutral buoyancy lab in Houston. The only way to mimic space’s unique zero-gravity environment was to build a replica of part of the space station and put it forty feet underwater. This was where they did their extravehicular activities, or spacewalks. All vital training for going to the space station. He’d completed eight successful spacewalks before now. But today?
‘Bring him up, guys.’
Failure. He’d have a failure against his name.
Six hours was the maximum time for anyone in the neutral buoyancy lab. It was time to finish.
He hadn’t been thinking about Corrine. He hadn’t. He wouldn’t allow himself to.
But frustration had been building steadily within him since the day of the astronaut selection four weeks ago. That was the day he should have back-flipped down the corridor.
Instead, the weight that had pressed down on his shoulders had grown steadily. He’d love to pretend it wasn’t there. He’d love to pretend it wasn’t affecting him. But only a fool would do that.
The crane raised him out of the pool and two of the technical assistants removed his helmet and suit.
‘What’s going on with you, Bates?’
Austin’s head shot up. Adam, the chief instructor, was standing over him. He liked the guy. A real-life astronaut with a world of experience. He’d let him down today.
‘What do you mean?’
Adam folded his arms. ‘Since the announcement you haven’t been yourself. You’ve put your head down and studied like your life depends on it.’
‘Doesn’t it?’
Adam brushed off the wry remark. ‘You’re not yourself. You’ve lost your bravado. You’ve lost your cheek. Want to tell me what’s going on?’
For a second he felt bad. He respected this guy and wanted to be honest with him. But, in a way, Adam reminded him of his father—the only difference was this guy had actually lived the dream. How could he tell him that he was having doubts? He was more than having doubts? There was no way this guy could relate to that.
He was questioning his decision to be here more and more. Was this really his dream or was it something else? Was he doing this for his father’s approval?
He’d never really considered this before. His path had seemed fixed. The navy, a pilot, a Top Gun instructor, and then an astronaut. For the most part he’d been happy. But his other love, his lab work, had barely been acknowledged by his father.
Work had been everything before. But it didn’t seem like everything now.
But was he really ready to say that out loud?
He gave Adam a half-smile. ‘Maybe I’m just taking this all too seriously. Maybe I’m just turning into the model astronaut candidate.’
Adam gave a snort as he walked away. ‘That’ll be the day.’ He paused at the doorway and glanced over his shoulder again. ‘My door’s always open,’ he said before he disappeared down the corridor.
Austin winced. If Adam had noticed a difference in him, then others would have too. This wasn’t fair on anyone.
He needed to make up his mind—and fast.
* * *
Four weeks. Four weeks of nothingness.
Of walking in a daze, answering emails, doing routine tests and trying to remember to eat. She was supposed to be gaining weight, not losing.
She still hadn’t told him. She still couldn’t tell him. But the guilt was eating away at her, along with a whole host of other things.
Avoidance was easy. She wasn’t in charge of his medical care any more. Any sighting was only brief. But that was all it took to make her heart contract in her chest.
One glance. One whiff of his aftershave. The sound of his voice carrying down the corridor. All did stupid things to her. She’d decided she must be allergic. Because any one of those three things could make her eyes water.
And she hated feeling like that. She hated being vulnerable.
The grainy little image appeared on the screen before her. ‘There we are,’ said the sonographer brightly. ‘Here are the arms, the thigh bones, the skull, the spine and this little flicker is the beating heart. Everything looks just fine.’
Corrine let out the breath she’d been holding. Now it was real. She could see a tiny heartbeat. Up until that point it hadn’t been quite real. She found her voice, anything to distract herself from the fact she desperately needed to go to the toilet. ‘How many weeks am I?’
The sonographer nodded her head. ‘Give me a few minutes until I take some measurements.’ She concentrated on the screen for a few seconds, carefully measuring near the base of the baby’s skull, then measuring the femur and total length. After a very long few minutes she said, ‘All done. It looks as if you’re around eleven weeks.’ She smiled at Corrine. ‘Does this tie in with your dates?’
Corrine nodded. The first time she’d been with Austin. The date was practically imprinted on her brain.
The sonographer continued. ‘I’ve taken the measurement for the nuchal scan. That, along with your blood test and age, will let us know if your OB/GYN needs to discuss anything with you regarding any other tests.’
Corrine took a deep breath, watching the littl
e picture on the screen. She was having a baby. Now she had a date to put in the calendar. A date she had to be organised for.
And she knew exactly what test the sonographer was talking about. She was talking about the test to see if her baby was at higher risk of Down’s syndrome. She hadn’t even given any of the really important stuff much thought. It was time to get a hold of herself.
The sonographer pressed a little button to print out a picture. ‘It’s much too early to tell you the sex. But we need to arrange for further sonograms. We’ll do another one around sixteen weeks and a detailed one at twenty weeks. Either one of those could give you the sex if you’d like to find out.’ She started wiping the gel from Corrine’s stomach. ‘I’ll let you dash to the toilet now.’
Corrine pressed her lips together and dashed to the bathroom. Instant relief. Thank goodness. But a different sensation swept over her body like a cool breeze. This was real. She put her hand on her stomach. There was no sign. No sign at all. No swelling. No flutterings—it was much too early for those. And although her breasts ached a little she’d had no other signs. No nausea. No vomiting—just a tiny bit of light-headedness if she stood up too quickly or spun around. That was it.
Until she’d actually seen the little heartbeat she’d wondered if it was actually true. Lots of women skipped periods or had light ones—particularly when they used the brand of pill that she did. But now it was time to sit down and take control. The pre-natal vitamins and folic acid she’d started taking would become a regular part of her life. There would be absolutely no alcohol and she would need to avoid a few of her favourite foods.
She leaned her head against the wall of the cubicle.
Confirmation. Absolute confirmation.
Now it was time to tell Austin.
And she was dreading it.
For about ten seconds she’d considered getting a transfer and going somewhere else to have this baby without ever telling him.