She couldn’t react to his words. Was there a possibility that he already knew? How could that even be possible? But one thing was clear. She wasn’t going to stand in the way of his dream. Not her. And not her baby. She couldn’t be that person.
But there was something else. Something emanating from him.
And it didn’t feel good. The vibes just didn’t feel right.
She had to stop her hand from automatically going to her stomach. Protective. That was how she felt already about the baby growing inside her.
He hadn’t moved over next to her. He hadn’t tried to touch her. And he wasn’t smiling. She could almost see the imaginary silver helium balloon with I’m pregnant on it floating off into the sky.
He started again. ‘Corrine, being away gave me some time to think.’
‘Think about what?’
‘Think about us.’
Okay. How come a little part of her just died inside?
He could barely look at her. Oh, he was looking at her, but those blue eyes weren’t fixed on her as they normally were. He couldn’t hold her gaze for more than a few seconds.
‘What is it you want to say, Austin?’
Her head was screaming at her. Don’t ask that question—you won’t like the answer.
A few figures dressed in bright blue flight suits passed the open doorway. The rest of the candidates were on their way to the selection meeting.
Austin took a deep breath. ‘Corrine, you know I like you.’
Like. The word every woman wanted to hear.
She didn’t respond. She couldn’t respond.
‘You know I respect you...’
Here it came. The ‘Dear John’ speech.
‘But this astronaut selection, the training, it’s too important to me right now. I’ve worked my whole life for this. I can’t afford any distractions. I need to keep my head entirely focused on the job.’
She could feel tears pooling in her eyes and a little surge of anger flickered through her. All those ridiculous fanciful dreams she might have had about a happy ever after. How stupid had she been?
‘It’s fine, Austin.’ It was all she could manage.
But Austin wasn’t finished. ‘Actually, Corrine, it’s not fine.’ He glanced over his shoulder to make sure no one was listening. ‘I’ve been having doubts.’
‘What?’ Her head shot up. It was the last thing she’d expected to hear.
‘I’ve been having doubts about the programme.’
‘Why?’ Of all the things he could have said this was the one that surprised her most.
His gaze fixed on her. ‘I’ve been having doubts because of you.’
It was as if he had taken her lungs with both hands and just squeezed all the air out of them.
‘What?’ It came out kind of strangled.
It felt like the worst thing he could say to her. She was the reason he was doubting the dream he’d always had of being an astronaut?
He was staring at the floor right now. ‘Kazakhstan gave me some time to think. I might have aced the tests but my mind wasn’t always on the job.’
He knew. He knew he’d aced the tests. He probably knew what would happen next.
He shook his head. ‘I can’t do that. I can’t be that guy. That guy who is thinking about a girl back home when he should be focusing on the job. I have the lives of other astronauts to think about.’ He pointed upwards. ‘Every man and woman up there has trained their whole life to get there. They need a pilot who is one hundred per cent focused. That’s the way I always was before. And that’s the way I need to be again. I’m sorry.’
She was going to be sick. She was going to be sick, right now, all over this carpet.
Other women might love this. Love the fact that they’d affected a guy so much he couldn’t concentrate at work.
She knew better. She knew exactly the risks involved in having a pilot who wasn’t focused on the job. She understood them better than anyone.
She’d done this to him. She’d let their flirtation build into something else entirely. She’d let her emotions get involved. She’d let her guard down.
She squeezed her eyes closed for a second. She couldn’t tell him about the baby. She just couldn’t. Right now, for Austin, it would be the worst news possible.
If he couldn’t focus because of her, it would only be worse if she told him about the baby.
That was the one thing that was crystal clear right now.
She felt her doctor mask slip into place. The one she used when she was about to tell someone bad news. She could do this. She could.
She took a deep breath and met his gaze. ‘I understand what you’re saying, Austin. And you’re right. You have to keep your mind totally on the job. That’s best for everyone. Let’s just leave it at that.’
Her heart was breaking. It was breaking in two right now.
She lifted the coffee pot to pour from it, praying he wouldn’t see her shaking hand. ‘I think you have somewhere else to be. You’d best not be late.’
He blinked. He looked a little surprised. What had he expected? For her to weep and wail and ask him not to dump her?
‘Good luck,’ she added with a pasted-on smile.
He gave her a nod and walked out of the room, and out of her life.
* * *
His head was spinning and he couldn’t think straight. Corrine had the best poker face in the world. Was she upset? Was she angry?
He just didn’t know. He felt like the worst person on the planet. Lower than the belly of a snake. Every single part of him wanted to march back into that room and say he’d made a mistake. Every single cell in his body was screaming at him. He should have told her that he loved her—not that he was walking away.
He stopped for a second and ran his fingers through his hair. Maybe he was wrong about all this. Maybe this wasn’t a big deal to her. Maybe the reason she’d seemed so cool was that she didn’t really care. He was just another guy.
His gut twisted. He would probably hate that more than anything.
Michael walked up behind him and slapped him on the back. ‘Come on, big guy, let’s find out if they’re sending us to the stars.’
Of course. Focus. That was what he should be doing. If he hadn’t met Corrine he’d probably have spent all night worrying about today’s selection. Instead, he’d spent all night figuring out how to break up with her.
It was time to get his mind back on the job. He walked into the room behind Michael.
Adam, the former astronaut and main instructor, stood in front of the class with a clipboard in his hand. It didn’t matter that he was surrounded by technology. He still liked to do things his way.
He surveyed the room. ‘You’ll know that the selection today is based on all the training and testing you’ve done over the last three months. At this stage, we’re going to tell you who will be on the first astronaut selection team.’ He looked around the class. ‘You all understand that health issues can dictate that someone is excluded from the programme. But based on our recent testing our first team will be—’
You could hear the sharp intake of breath all around him. His heart should be beating against his chest. He should be breaking into a sweat right now, his stomach clenched, waiting to see if his name would be called. So, why wasn’t he?
He’d just given up the woman he loved for this.
Space had better be worth it because his pride was still alive and fighting.
Adam shot him a smile. ‘Our pilot will be Austin Mitchell. Our crew, Taryn Peters, Michael Fisk and Lewis Donnell.’
Michael and Lewis jumped from their seats, whooping and laughing. Taryn was quick to join them. A few other candidates turned to stare at him. They must be wondering why he wasn’t doing the same.
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He pasted a smile onto his face and stood up, shaking hands with those nearest to him. First crew. This was a huge deal. This was the thing he’d spent the last few years dreaming of. He should be elated. And he just couldn’t understand why he wasn’t.
After the initial jubilations they sat back down. A second crew was called and a few candidates transferred to other spots within WSSA. Astronaut training wasn’t for everyone. No matter how much they prepared beforehand.