“He taught me how to breathe, Jackal. How to breathe in and out until I could feel my heartbeat in my chest. I finally understood the difference between being alive and just existing.
“Shade felt empty inside, unable to connect to others. I did, too, but to a different extent. I felt too much. It was as if I were living my life running a marathon, and I could only do so much to accomplish everything I wanted.
“One day, I talked a little girl who lived next to me to walk to the lake with me. It was near a freeway. My mother noticed us missing from the backyard and found us near the onramp. My mother couldn’t understand why I’d done it. Shade did.
“When he moved to Treepoint, I saw a light I had never seen in Shade before. One night after Lily had become my roommate, I saw him sitting outside our window, so I went outside to talk him to him.” Penni took a deep breath before continuing her story. “I saw in him pain, a pain I never believed he could even feel. He couldn’t stand being separated from Lily, and they weren’t even a couple yet.
“I missed their wedding, but saw a video of it. His face … God, his face. It was like nothing I had seen before. He was happy. Shade was happy. Love and joy shined in his eyes. It was if he had found all the answers in life I had been searching for.
“Then, when Lily was almost killed by a stalker of Shade’s, she couldn’t bear that she was responsible for someone’s death. She was in a coma, and the doctors thought she would be too traumatized to pull out of it. Shade stayed by her side; he wouldn’t leave her. They said he kept calling for her over and over. He called for her until she came back. Like the swan, Shade would call for her. Lily is Shade’s soul mate.”
Penni took another breath before looking at Jackal. “I won’t take any less for myself. I have to find my soul mate so I can finally stop running. I thought I could make Train love me, but I couldn’t, and finally, after all these years, I know now I never loved him. If I had, I would have stopped running long before now.
“Penni, you never stood a chance of being with Train.”
“Wow. That hurts. I know I’m not as attractive as most of the women he’s been with at the club, but I’m not exactly puppy chow, either.”
“The way you look isn’t the issue. Babe, you were mine when I saw you flip me off as you came out of the hotel.”
“You kidna—”
Jackal covered her mouth with his hand, cutting off her words.
“I’m never going to live that down, am I?” Jackal removed his hand when she tried to bite him.
“No.”
“I can live with that … just like I’m going have to live with you seeing me with Raci.”
“Yes, you are!” Penni snapped. The fury that had subsided over the last three weeks flared again. She stood up to stare down at him. “You want to know something funny? I forgave you for kidnapping me. I forgave you for leaving me at the rest area. I even freakin’ forgave you for the duct tape you put on my mouth when I called you a spineless needle dick for kidnapping me. I forgave for you for all of that, but what I can’t or won’t forgive is you being with Raci.”
Penni began walking away from him.
“You can keep walking away from me,” Jackal raised his voice when she didn’t look back, “but you’re still going to hear me call after you. I love you, Penni. No matter how many times you don’t want to hear me say it, I love you.”
Penni began running as fast as she could. She had heard the aching pain in his voice. With every beat of her stuttering heart, she heard him calling to her.
She opened her front door, slamming it behind her before sinking down onto the carpet.
A whisper filled the silent house. “Jackal.”
34
“You still moping? Brother, you’re taking the life out of the party.”
“I haven’t seen anything cramping your style. How was the bitch with the Mohawk?” Jackal’s sarcastic question sailed over Stump’s head.
“She was confused, but she isn’t anymore,” Stump gloated, throwing himself down on the old chair next to his.
“I bet she never wants to fuck another man.”
“Why should she? She just fucked the best one,” Stump boasted.
“Brother, you make it hard to be a man.”
“I know.”
Jackal ground his teeth together, hoping the girlfriend of the bitch who had sneaked into Stump’s bedroom shoved Stump’s dick down his throat. The bastard would probably enjoy it, though.
“Where is Max tonight? He was supposed to go on a beer run when he got off.”