“Undercover?”
“Lucky was an ATF Special Agent.”
“He never told me.”
“Again, this is all confidential. Several of the sources he used could be killed if the wrong people found out where the information came from to make the arrests. He also was instrumental in finding several women who were kidnapped by a sex ring, and Lucky saved Lily’s life.
“What you are looking at, Willa, is Lucky’s life. He’s saved hundreds of lives and has made a difference in hundreds of others. He’s a fucking hero, but he can’t live with one fact.”
“What?” Willa choked out.
“That he can’t save them all.”
“He can’t honestly believe … No one has that power. Only God.” Willa’s fingers trembled as she held the proof that Lucky had tried, nearly at the cost of his own life, to do just that.
“Logically, Lucky knows that, but that’s what PTSD does to you—it fucks you up.”
“That’s why he can’t sleep.”
Shade stared directly at her. “Yes. It was better here at the clubhouse, but it’s becoming worse.”
“Because of me,” she stated, staring back at him. “Why?”
“I don’t know. You’d have to ask Lucky that question.”
“Why do you believe the PTSD is becoming worse?”
“The brothers and I kept Lucky physically active. We aggravated him so he’d come down to the gym to work out his aggression. We kept him busy with paperwork and errands. We also have initiations for the recruits, and we made sure he was always one picked to fight.”
“The women, also.” Willa bit her lip. “He used knives on them.”
“Not like you’re thinking, Willa. It’s not about cutting; it’s about trust. Lucky is a master with those things. He never makes a mistake with them.”
“You’d have to trust someone a lot to let them put a knife to your throat,” Willa said ruefully.
Shade pointed at the medals still sitting on her lap. “Do you really believe that the man who earned those medals could hurt a woman, especially one he loves enough to risk his sanity?”
“Do you think he knew it was going to be hard leaving The Last Riders?”
“Yes, it was hard for him when he was undercover, but building the cases kept him busy, and the parishioners.”
“He doesn’t have that now, and he walked away from the club.”
“Exactly.”
“I didn’t ask him to leave.”
Shade stood, taking the medals away from her and stacking them back into the cabinet before locking the drawer closed then locking the cabinet.
“I would like those, please.”
“They aren’t mine to give.” Shade put his hands in his pockets, going to stand by the door. “You may not have asked him to leave, but you knew he was leaving because of you. He already feels guilty because Bridge wants to hurt you. Do you know he always said he was going to marry a slut?”
“What?” Willa gasped. She didn’t know if she should be happy or upset that she didn’t fit Lucky’s image of a perfect wife.
She thought Shade’s mouth twitched, but she couldn’t be sure.
“He’ll tell you it was because of Bridge, that he didn’t want to leave a wife behind who couldn’t move on, but I believe he knew it would be difficult to leave The Last Riders. A slut would fit into the club.”
“That’s true,” Willa snapped then frowned. “There’s something I don’t understand. I thought Bridge threatened to kill the woman Lucky loves, not Lucky.”
“He did, but if Lucky finds out Bridge got anywhere next to you, he’ll kill Bridge. Lucky is a Christian, but he won’t mind going to prison if he thinks anyone he cares about is in danger.”
Willa stood, walking to the large bed before turning to face Shade. “Lucky needs The Last Riders to heal.”
“Yes and no. He needs you, too.”
Willa dropped her head. “I can’t share him, and I really don’t want to let someone else touch me.” She looked up to see his reaction.
Shade’s arms crossed over his chest. “Do Lily and Beth seem happy to you?”
“You mean … I thought because they lived…”
“Rachel and Cash have their own home, too. Lucky laid the foundation for his home a few feet from Razer’s.”
“He didn’t tell me…” Willa didn’t know what to do. To help Lucky, she was going to have to let go of the ideal of the kind of marriage she and Lucky should have. It was going to be up to her to make most of the changes and accept a group of people as family.
“Can I ask you one more thing?” she asked hesitantly.
“Go ahead.” This time, there was no mistaking his amusement.
She pointed to the upstairs. “Is it always like that, or was it just a wild night?”
“It gets worse.”
Willa paled.
“I know you, Willa. You’re strong enough to make a place for yourself in the club. Lucky will help you find the parts you like and keep you from the rest. It can work if you want it to.”
Willa nodded, walking toward him, and Shade opened the door for her.
“Something you said about when Lucky was behind enemy lines … You said he had crawled between two rocks. How did he get from there to the helicopter?”
“That’s another question.” He moved aside so she could pass. Instead, she stopped in front of him with tears coursing down her cheeks, barely able to see him as she tried to blink them back.
“You broke cover, didn’t you? You saved his life, and it wasn’t the last time, was it?” She went to her toes, reaching up to kiss Shade on his cheek. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
Chapter 26
Willa let herself in the church, relieved when she heard Lucky in the shower. Smiling mischievously to herself, she took her clothes off and slipped on the bra and panty set Sex Piston had given her. She barely had time to throw her clothes in the hamper and arrange herself on the bed. With no time to spare, she found the remote on the nightstand.
Lucky was drying his hair with a towel with another knotted casually on his hips when he came to a stop in front of the bed, his mouth dropping open.
“How was the progress going at your house?”
“Good.” Willa didn’t cross her fingers. She was sure the house was progressing fine. She raised the remote in her hand. “Want to play?”
“Yeah, I want to play.” He threw the towel in his hand on the chair then jerked the one around his hips off, tossing it on top of the other one.
Willa giggled when Lucky jumped onto the bed. Before he could touch her, though, she scooted away.
“I love you so much, Lucky.”
“I love you, too, siren. Come here.”
Willa shook her head teasingly. “Ask me how much.”
“How much?”
“Ask me how much I love you.”
Lucky’s expression turned serious. “How much do you love me?”
Willa held her arms apart as far as they would go. “This much.” She crawled forward, wrapping her arms around him.
Lucky twisted his body until she was lying underneath him. “Siren, there are no words to describe what I feel for you.”
“There aren’t?”
“No, but I can show you.”
Lucky proved it to her with each brush of his mouth against her body. When his hand took hers, placing it on his cock, he showed the desire he had for her. Willa took his hand, showing him her body’s response.
She brushed her mouth against his nipple. “I have something to confess. I like your tattoos.”
“Thank you.”
“A lot.” She pushed him back on the bed, rising over him, her breasts brushing his chest. The bra she had on barely contained them. Willa placed one knee on the other side of his hip, straddling him. “Am I too heavy?”
Lucky’s hand smacked her butt, and Willa’s ha
nd went back to soothe the slight sting while she pouted down at him.
“You could have just said no.”
“I thought that answer would be more effective.”