Lily shook her head. “I have to finish school.”
“You will. Beth talked to your school and arranged for a medical emergency so you can complete your coursework on the computer.”
“But why can’t I go back to school?”
“Lily, someone tried to run you over with a car and then tried to break into your house. We feel it’s safer to keep you where we can watch who you come into contact with.” Shade knew she didn’t remember the events, but if he was going to convince her to stay, she had to have the information.
“I can stay at my house,” Lily said before picking up her toast and nibbling on it.
“That won’t work with Beth’s work schedule. We need to figure out who tried to harm you twice.”
“I just can’t stay cooped up in your room,” she argued.
“You won’t. You can go back to work at the factory and finish your classes,” Shade replied reasonably.
“I don’t want to stay here at the club,” Lily protested.
“A few weeks won’t hurt you, Lily. By then, we may have some idea who is after you, and it will give you some time to figure out why you forgot the last few days.”
Lily looked away from him. “Do you know what caused me to have the episode?”
“Yes. Actually, it was Diamond who figured it out. Do you want to know?”
“No.” Lily got to her feet. “Where are my clothes? I want to get dressed. Do you mind if I use your shower? I could use the one in the other bathroom; it doesn’t look as complicated.”
Shade twisted his lips at her attempt of humor. “Use mine. I think you can figure it out.”
“All right.”
Shade opened one side of his closet, showing her the clothes he had brought for her from her house.
Lily took a step back. “Those are the clothes I boxed up to give the church. I bought new clothes. I was going to buy some more.”
Lily tried to turn her face away but Shade caught her jaw in his tight grip, making her look him in the eyes.
“Those new rags you bought are the ones being donated. They look like what someone would wear to a funeral—all black, brown, and grey. Since I’ve known you, you’ve worn dresses with every color under the rainbow. Why have you suddenly stopped wearing color?”
“I don’t know,” Lily said, her eyes clouded over with confusion.
“Yes, Lily, you do. There are some things I’ll let you hide from me for a while longer; others, I won’t,” he said implacably.
Lily stiffened, trying to turn away from his firm grip.
“Why the dark colors?”
She mutinously refused to answer his question.
“We’ll stand here all day until you answer me.”
Lily didn’t answer as her hand went to her wrist to snap at the red band. Shade already knew what she would find. It was gone. He had taken it while she was still sleeping.
Her eyes widened when she found it gone. He wouldn’t let her look at her wrist, though; his hand was still on her jaw, forcing her to maintain eye contact with him.
“I took it.” At her look of horror, he spoke before she could. “I’ll give it back on two conditions.”
“What are they?” Did she know how desperate she sounded? Her red wrist showed how much she had come to depend on that band which could do nothing except inflict pain.
“You have to tell me about your clothes and secondly, every time you snap it, you have to tell me why if I’m there. If I’m not, then you have to write it down in a small book I’ll give you. Each and every time,” Shade stated his conditions firmly.
“All right.”
Shade dropped his hand to his side.
Taking a step back, he demanded, “Tell me about the clothes.”
Lily licked her lips. “I don’t know how to explain it. When I wore my dresses, the colors made me feel happy. I would choose the color some days because it matched the sky or the sun or was the color of a flower I saw.” She shrugged, seeming embarrassed by her confession.
Shade wasn’t surprised. He had noticed the color of her dresses often matched her mood. She would always wear yellow or blue on sunny days, red if she was grumpy, and purple if she was content.
“The new dresses?”
“I don’t know. I just guess … I don’t know. The color is … I—”
“Do you feel sad?” he probed.
“Yes, but not like depressed sad, like someone died.”
Shade nodded his head, catching her eyes with his. “Who do you feel like you lost, Lily?”
“Beth.” A lone tear slid down her cheek.
“Anyone else?”
“Razer.” Another tear joined the first.
“Who else, Lily?”
Lily remained quiet.
“Who else, Lily?” Shade’s voice became firmer. He needed to know if he mattered to her. It wouldn’t change what he was going to do, but he needed to know if he was making any headway with her at all.
“You,” she whispered.
“Why do you think you lost me?” His voice went taut.
“I don’t know. You were my friend. Then I saw you with Evie and Rider, and I knew that”—Lily took a shuddering breath—“I don’t know you.”
His thumb traced over her high cheekbone. “You know me, and you sure as fuck haven’t lost me, even though I know you want to.
“Go take a shower then change into your workout clothes. I’ll lay them out for you while you’re in the shower. I’ll meet you in the gym.”
“Okay.” Lily moved away. She seemed too relieved his questions were over, missing the brief expression that passed over his face.
He had gained a tiny portion of her trust, and Lily had taken it away much easier than he had earned it. Her trust in him was fragile and until it grew into something stronger, he would remain teetering on the cutting edge of a sword, precariously close to losing her permanently.
Chapter 49
“Today, I just want you to stretch then work on your weight training.”
“Okay.” Lily warmed up then moved over to where the weights sat.
Shade handed her some weights. “From now on, when you feel uncomfortable trying something or you get scared, I want you to say a word that lets me know you’re getting scared and want me to stop.”
“All right. What’s the word?”
“You make one up. That way, you’ll remember it better.”
“Blueberries.”
“Blueberries?”
“Yeah, I like blueberries. Even saying it makes me happy.” She smiled at him.
“Christ.” Shade returned to work on his own weights.
“What’s wrong with blueberries?” Lily asked curiously with innocence shining in her eyes. It made him feel guilty for wanting to fuck her.
“Nothing,” Shade stated, his jaw clenched. Other than it’s a word a kid would use.
Why couldn’t she have picked a word which reminded him she was a grown woman? Red would have been good. He would have even taken strawberry. He could have worked with strawberry; it was sexy. Blueberries reminded him of when his dad would take him to pick them in the summer, making him imagine Lily picking them. It was a boner-kill. The more he thought about it, blueberries was the perfect safe word for her.
“Then why are you frowning?”
“I don’t know. Most women would pick a color or an object, not a fruit.”
Lily continued lifting her weights. “I can pick a color. I like pink.”
“Lily, blueberries is fine,” he snapped. It went from bad to worse. He would have seriously doubted Lily’s maturity if he wasn’t staring at her breasts as she lifted the weights.
“Why are you getting angry?”
“I’m not getting mad; you’re just distracting me.”
“Oh.” Lily lifted the weight again. “I like baby blue.”
Shade stopped and glared at her. “If you don’t quit bugging me, you’re going to be using your safe word in the next sixty seconds.”
He was going to prove to himself she wasn’t a kid if she didn’t shut up.
She did, though.
“You finish up while I get showered and changed,” Shade told her after he was done with his workout, going to his room.
He took a shower long enough to remind his hard cock it wouldn’t be getting any for a while before getting dressed in faded jeans, boots, and a black T-shirt with his dark hair still wet. After he went to the closet he had placed Lily’s clothes in, laying his choice on the bed, he returned to the gym to find her still cooling down.
“Get showered. I laid out another outfit for you.”