* * *
In the car, Sadie switched the radio on before she even fastened her seat belt, turning the volume up high enough to make conversation next to impossible. Dylan smiled to himself as he settled into the passenger seat. So, that was the way she wanted to play it. Fine.
He was willing to bet there were no radios at Ephesus. She’d have to talk to him then—for a whole day, trapped inside some ancient ruins.
Of course, she’d probably try to just lecture him on the history of the place. Which was fine by Dylan; he knew she couldn’t keep it up forever.
Eventually, they were going to have to talk about the heat between them.
Satisfied, he sat back to enjoy the drive, watching the foreign landscape skimming past the window. He had to admit Turkey was a gorgeous country.
Beside him, Sadie let out a little gasp—just a slight gulp of air, but enough to alarm him. All thoughts of the scenery forgotten, he jerked round to see what the matter was.
On the wheel, Sadie’s knuckles were white, her fingers clinging so tight there was no blood left in them. Her face had turned entirely grey. But it was her eyes, wide and unfocussed, that worried him most.
‘Sadie? What is it?’ No response. The car kept rolling forward in its lane, falling behind the car in front as her foot slackened on the accelerator. ‘You need to pull over. Sadie. Sadie!’
The sharpness in his voice finally got through to her and, blinking, she flipped on the indicator. Dylan placed his hands over hers as she swerved onto the side of the road, ignoring the beeping horns of the cars behind them.
The car stalled to a stop, and Dylan let out a long breath as his heart rate started to stabilise. ‘Okay. What just—?’
Before he could finish his sentence the driver’s door flew open and Sadie flung herself out of the car, inches away from the passing traffic. Without thinking, Dylan followed suit, jumping out and rushing round to find her already leaning against the rear of the car.
He slowed, approaching her cautiously, like an unpredictable and possibly dangerous wild animal. God only knew what was going on with her, but he knew instinctively that this wasn’t part of the game they’d been playing since he’d arrived. This was something else entirely.
She didn’t stir as he got closer, so he risked taking her arm, leading her gently to the side of the car furthest from the road.
‘Sit down,’ he murmured, as softly as he could. ‘Come on, Sadie. Sit down here and tell me what the matter is.’
Bonelessly, she slid down to the dry grass, leaning back against the metal of the car. Dylan crouched in front of her, his gaze never leaving her colourless face.
‘What is it?’ he asked again. ‘What just happened?’
‘I forgot...’ Sadie’s said, her voice faint and somehow very far away. ‘How could I forget?’
‘Forgot what, sweetheart?’
‘That we’d have to drive this way. Past this place.’
‘This place? Where are we?’ Dylan glanced around him but, as far as he could tell, it was just some road. Any road.
Oh. He was an idiot.
‘This is where it happened?’ he asked.
Sadie nodded, the movement jerky. ‘Adem was driving out to some meeting somewhere, I think. A truck lost control along this stretch...’
And his best friend had been squashed under it in his car. He hadn’t stood a chance.
‘I haven’t been this way since it happened,’ Sadie said, her gaze still focussed somewhere in the distance. ‘When I suggested Ephesus... I wasn’t thinking about this. I wasn’t thinking about Adem.’
The guilt and pain in her voice made him wince—and feel all the worse because he had a pretty good idea exactly what she had been thinking about at that moment.
‘We don’t have to go on,’ he said. ‘We can just go back to the hotel. I can drive.’
But Sadie shook her head. ‘No. I want... This is the worst of it. I just need to sit here for a moment. Is that...? Will you sit with me?’
‘Of course.’ He shuffled over to sit beside her and lifted his arm to wrap it around her as she rested her head against his shoulder. He couldn’t offer her much right now, but any comfort he could give was hers. Always had been.
‘It’s crazy, really,’ she said, the words slightly muffled by his shirt. ‘That one place—one insignificant patch of road—can hold such power over me. There are no ruins here, no markers, no information boards. Just me, knowing that this...this is where he died.’
‘We don’t have to talk about it.’
‘Maybe I do.’ Sadie looked up, just enough to catch his gaze, and Dylan almost lost himself in the desolate depths of her eyes. ‘I haven’t, really. Haven’t talked it out, or whatever it is you’re supposed to do with the sort of grief that fills you up from the inside out until there’s nothing left. I just...got on with things, I suppose.’
He could see it, all too easily. Could picture Sadie just throwing herself into the Azure, into making sure Finn was okay, and never taking any time to grieve herself. For the first time he found himself wondering if this was the real reason Neal had asked him to come.
‘If you want to talk, I’m always happy to listen,’ he said. Whatever she needed, wasn’t that what he’d promised himself he was there for? Well, any idiot could see that she needed this.
‘I don’t know what to say.’ Sadie gave a helpless little shrug. ‘It’s been two years... It seems too late. There was just so much to do. Taking care of Finn, the Azure, all the arrangements... He’s buried back in England, near his family, you know? Of course you do. You were there, weren’t you? At the funeral?’
‘I was.’
‘So it really is just me and Finn here.’ She sounded like she might float away on a cloud of memories at any moment. Dylan tightened his hold on her shoulders, just enough to remind her to stay.
‘And me,’ he said.
‘You’re not permanent, though. You’re like...in Monopoly. Just visiting.’ She managed a small smile at the ridiculous joke, but he couldn’t return it. There was no censure in the accusation, no bitterness at all. But that didn’t change the way it stung.
Even if every word of it was true.
‘I just don’t know how to be everything Finn needs,’ Sadie went on. ‘Mother, father, his whole family... I don’t know how to do that and save the Azure. But the hotel is Adem’s legacy. It’s the only part of him left here with us. So I have to. And I’m so scared that I’ll fail.’
Her voice broke a little on the last word, and Dylan pulled her tighter to him. Whatever she needs.
‘I’m here now,’ he said. ‘And I will come back, whenever you need me. Me, Neal, your parents, your sister...we’re all here to help you. Whatever you need.’
It wasn’t enough; he knew that even as he spoke the words. He wanted to promise he’d stay as long as she needed him. But he had a rule, a personal code, never to make promises he couldn’t keep.
Everyone knew Dylan Jacobs couldn’t do long term—him better than anyone.
‘I’m here now,’ he repeated, and wished that would be enough.
* * *
I’m here now.
Sadie burrowed deeper against the solid bulk of Dylan’s shoulder, and ignored the fact that, even then, he couldn’t bring himself to say he’d stay.
She was glad. He wasn’t her boyfriend, her lover, wasn’t anything more than a friend. She wasn’t his responsibility. And even if she had been...it would have been a lie to say he’d stay, and they both knew it. Better to keep things honest.
She stared out at the scrubland before them and tried to ignore the sound of cars roaring past behind her. How could she have forgotten that driving to Ephesus would bring them this way? No, scrap that. She knew exactly how. Because all she’d been thinking about had b
een getting Dylan away from the hotel, fully clothed. Putting temptation out of reach before he fought past any more of her defences.
And yet here she was, clinging to him as if for her sanity, giving up all her secrets.