She planted her free hand on her hip. “You’re making fun of me.”
“No, I’m not. But it’s ridiculous to get all worked up over a stupid cinnamon chip scone like it’s the end of the world, don’t you think?”
Ridiculous? She bristled at his off-the-cuff remark. How unfair for anyone to mock her devoted work ethic. Diligence and dedication were admirable traits. After all, they were what made her Double D’s most valuable asset.
“In other words,” she said, “I should quit being so anal retentive?”
“No. I just think you need to take a deep breath, get a grip and relax.”
“Well, I think you need to take off that insipid Bluetooth and shove it up your–”
“Hey,” he cut her off. “You know, for an extremely competent person who claims to be in such a hurry, you certainly are exceptional at procrastinating.”
Procrastin–
“Oh, shit!” She panicked, accelerating from standing still to full speed in two harried strides. Even with the surprising amount of momentum she managed to gain in click-clacking heels, she could not outrun the sound of Bluetooth Guy laughing.
Despite the unplanned scavenger hunt and the bothersome–albeit well dressed and good smelling–interference she ran into, Harper still managed to be first in the office. She unlocked the front door and entered the five-digit security code into the keypad to disarm the system. 6-2-7-8-9. After punching in the same alphanumeric sequence each morning for the past four years, the well-worn pattern was rote. It certainly wouldn’t have taken a cryptologist to decipher that the code spelled M-A-R-T-Y, and had to stay that way lest Double D’s fearless leader forget the password and lock himself out.
The fluorescent lights flickered sleepily until they were finally awake. She hung up her coat, then veered to the office she knew more intimately than some corners of her own townhouse. Apart from the high ceilings, exposed brick walls and duct work that were part of the charm of having multi-level offices inside a converted warehouse, she’d put a lot of effort into transforming what used to be a cold, dank corner into a dynamic creative space.
She dropped her purse and the bag of scones on her desk next to a stack of magazines. Target magazine, to be precise. The bible of the marketing industry, Target’s latest issue featured the visionaries anointed by the editors to lead masses of consumers to the Promised Land. On the cover, four enterprising men and women strategically posed in variations of folded arms, square jaws and designer eyewear. Sticking out among them like a painful fashion thorn amidst Armani roses, was a middle aged, pumpkin-headed misfit sporting a vintage leather jacket and a beret tipped drowsily to one side.
Marty.
The article pegged him a maverick and he certainly was the epitome of a nonconformist square peg. Marty Duncan was an arrogant, boorish son of a bitch with a golden horseshoe up his backside. Having never earned a university degree, he’d been valedictorian of the school of hard knocks. Sure, he paid his dues, but he’d fallen back-asswards into the world of marketing, thanks to an amazing ability to create moneymaking ideas out of thin air.
His prominence in Target meant Marty still got some decent mileage out of his breakthrough success story. Eight years earlier, he had taken a regional coffee and concessions business and spearheaded a major brand makeover. Whether his efforts were actually effective or just the gleaming luck of that inserted horseshoe, Marty put the newly-crowned Java King on the map and into nearly every metro convenience store and interstate gas station from coast to coast. That triumph had come and gone almost a decade ago, but the infamy it brought Double D helped reel in business from heavy hitters like Garton Community College, Tuffy’s Super Foods and now, Sematek.
Harper lifted the sticky note from the top of the stack and read the familiar scrawl:
Monster idea. Let’s get on it first thing.
After four years under Marty’s tutelage, she was used to interpreting the random, unedited bits of genius her boss regularly dispensed to his protege. Admittedly, she did it in the name of advancing her own career status, but she appreciated them as reminders that she had been taken under wing by a creative mastermind. Especially when his shenanigans made it easy to forget.
She heard the front door open, followed by the heavy boot steps belonging to Double D’s office manager and Marty’s sister, Annie. She clomped to a sudden stop in front of Harper’s door and presented one of her trademark sunshiny smiles. “Morning, Harp. Did you get the scones?”
She waved the paper bag in the air. “Victory.”
“Well, good on you. I’m going to start the coffee, so I’ll bring you a plate.”
“Wait up, I’ll come too.” Harper left her desk and followed Annie downstairs to the staff lounge. The postage-stamp sized space had been outfitted with a Formica kitchen table and chairs, a stained orange couch, a teeny bar fridge and a big, old microwave that a former employee had donated years ago. The only item of any real value was the industrial-strength Java King coffee dispenser, a lasting perk of having had a client in beverage services.
Harper piled the scones onto a plate while Annie tapped a few buttons on the machine to brew a full pot of French Roast blend.
“What time is the Sematek meeting again?” Annie asked, pulling back her salt and pepper hair into a snappy ponytail and fastening it with one of the rubber bands she kept handy at her wrist.
“Nine sharp,” she said.
“Great. That means there’s still plenty of time for it to arrive,” Annie said.
“It?”
“Yeah. There’s a delivery coming for Marty this morning. He left instructions for me to sign for it and then have it ready in the reception area before Sematek gets here.”
The women made their way back upstairs as Marty’s third wife, Natalie Davis, the second D in Double D, burst through the door howling with laughter. Bent over shrieking behind her was Jules St. James, their fun-loving account exec. Harper pegged her pal Jules as a cross between Marilyn Monroe and Violet from Peanuts.
“What’s up with you two?” Annie shouted above the peals of hilarity.
“P-ppp-pp-penis!” Natalie guffawed, falling into Jules, whose own laughing jag had elevated near the crying stage.
Harper spluttered. “What did you just say?”
“Penis! We saw, we saw–” Natalie tried unsuccessfully to string words together.
Red-faced Jules finally inhaled, trying to pull herself together. Another long giggle escaped her before she stopped to inhale. “What Nat is trying to say is that we, we saw ppp-puppets.”
“You saw puppets?” Annie questioned.
“No, no. We saw Puppetry of the Penis last night.”
“Third row, center,” Natalie blurted, holding up three fingers. Looking at her digits sent her into another fit of near-hyperventilation.
“I take it you two had a good time?” Harper snickered.
“You have no idea.” Jules hung up her coat at the rack. “It was nasty and yet so–”
“Entertaining?”
“I was going to say artistic, but entertaining, yes, most certainly.” She wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. “Not what you’d expect to see.”
“I’d expect to see two naked guys playing with their willies,” Annie said.
Natalie produced a crumpled leaflet from her purse.
Harper skimmed the photo of two gentlemen in capes and hats, their hands discreetly cupping their privates.
“They were amazing,” Natalie said. “True artists of genital origami.”
Annie shook her head. “Sounds like porn to
me. But then again, it also sounds like it would be a hoot and a half.”
“Let me tell you, they did this thing, where one of the guys twisted like this.” Jules interweaved her arms like a pretzel. “Then like this–”
“And presto, you have a hamburger!” Natalie exclaimed. “Or a pelican! Or the Eiffel Tower!”
“Seriously, I have a whole new level of respect for those things now,” Jules said. “I mean, bending it to look like the Loch Ness Monster? Truly inspired.”
“Oh, it was.” Natalie combed her long, manicured nails through her wild, dandelion-puff hair. “And from what I could see, not a single kink in the hose!”
Harper took that as her cue. “Gee, gals, I’d love to stay and chat, but I’ve gotta get the boardroom set up. Sematek is going to be here in twenty minutes.”
“I’ll help,” Jules said, still smiling but successfully maintaining her composure.
As the pair headed to the boardroom, a delivery man knocked at the door, opening it just wide enough to stick his head inside. “Um, hi. Double D Marketing?”
Annie confirmed the address with a nod and he shoved a pen and clipboard in her direction. “Want me to bring it in or leave it in the hallway?”
“By all means, bring it in,” she said, looking puzzled.
The delivery guy once again disappeared from sight to retrieve the package in the hallway.
“Think this is the thing you were waiting for?” Harper asked.
Jules perched her hands on her hips. “What thing?”
“Something Marty ordered,” Annie said. “Nat, do you know what it is?”
“Don’t have a clue.” Natalie sounded ticked to be left in the dark.
The office door swung open and the delivery guy backed in carrying a flat package wrapped in brown parcel paper. A second brown-collared Harvey needed to maneuver the six-foot long, five-foot wide item from the other end. “Where would you like it, lady?”
Natalie pointed to a spot nearby. “Over there, against the wall is fine.”
Jules stood back to marvel at the mystery package. “Should we open it or wait until Marty gets in?”
Annie shrugged, bowled over by its size. “He told me to have it ready in the reception area before the meeting with Sematek.”