My heart squeezes behind my ribcage as I think about my memories with Ryan. While I had years with Ian, I only had less than four weeks with Ryan. Sure, we’ve spent the last four months texting and getting to know each other, but it’s not enough. What will I tell RJ about him? I don’t know enough to make sure he knows his daddy. I don’t have memories to share. We never went to the movies, or experienced embarrassing moments. We didn’t have any inside jokes. Hell, we haven’t even gone on a single date. I guess his family will have to share their memories with him…
Sobs bubble up and over, racking my body, as I cry for a life I never got to have with Ryan. We created the most precious gift, yet we never got to experience parenthood together. There’s so much more I want to know about him, and now it might be too late—I may never have a chance to get to know him.
Lifting the hoodie over my head, I snuggle deeper into the fabric, trying to make it feel like Ryan’s body is wrapped around mine. As my heart thumps loudly and painfully in my chest, I weep into the blanket, until my lids can’t handle the pain anymore, and my eyes close of their own accord, forcing me to fall into a fitted sleep.
Ryan
“Fuck!” I fling the useless device across the vehicle. “Fucking piece of shit won’t turn on.”
“Well, it’s been through hell,” Sergio points out. “Literally.”
I give him a pointed look, but can’t argue. What we just went through over the past week is probably the definition of hell. If not, I imagine it’s damn close. The ambush, which thankfully ended with the Afghani terrorists all dead—some by their own hands and some by ours—also ended with two of our men dead. I didn’t know any of them well, since they weren’t part of my squad, but it still hits each one of us hard as hell. We took a bad fucking loss that day. Once everything was under control, we spent days getting everything sorted. I knew my family would be freaking out, but I had no way of communicating with them. And even if I could’ve, I wouldn’t have been allowed to. Because of the attack, we were under strict black out orders until we were back on U.S. soil.
“Can I borrow yours?”
“Yeah.” He hands me his phone.
I go to type Micaela’s number, but I realize I don’t fucking know it by heart. Luckily, I know Marco’s. He answers on the first ring. “Hello?”
“Hey, it’s Ryan.”
There’s a long pause and then a deep sigh. “Thank fuck. You okay?”
“Yeah, just running a few days late,” I joke, trying to make light of the situation. I can’t go into details over the phone.
“Not funny,” he snaps. “We’ve been worried sick. We thought…” He sighs. “Your mom said…”
“My mom?” How the hell does she know anything?
“Yeah, I guess someone told someone and that person told her. She showed up freaking out. Nothing was confirmed, but there was speculation.”
Jesus, fuck. Micaela must be going out of her fucking mind. I’m not just running late…I’m missing.
“I’m okay,” I choke out. “I need to get a hold of Micaela, but my phone is fucked. Do you have her number?”
“Yeah.” He rattles off her number.
“Can you tell my parents I’m okay? I didn’t realize something was said to my mom. I’m leaving the airport now. I have to stop at the base, but then I’ll be on my way to you.”
“She’s at your house…Umm…the house you bought her.”
“She’s living there?” My heart swells at the thought. She never told me that.
“It’s supposed to be a surprise. I’m sure she’ll tell you once you get a hold of her, but just in case she’s too distraught, that’s where she is.”
“Thanks.”
We hang up and I dial Micaela’s number. It rings several times before going to voicemail. Maybe she’s not answering because she doesn’t recognize the number.
“Hey, baby, it’s Ryan. I didn’t want to leave a voicemail, but I just want you to know I’m okay. I’m calling from a buddy of mine’s phone. Mine isn’t working. I’m on my way to you, but I won’t have any way of talking until I get a new phone. I love you.”
I hang up and hand Sergio back his phone. “Thanks. If she calls back, can you let her know I’ll see her soon?”
Sergio nods.
As soon as we get back to the base, since all the paperwork was already done, I say bye to my men and head out. I’ll deal with everything else tomorrow. Today, I need to get home to Micaela and RJ.
Not having a phone is killing me, and the fact that Micaela didn’t call Sergio’s phone back has me feeling sick inside. She doesn’t know I’m okay…