I nodded. “That’s definitely Lily.” I sighed and thought about all the things in my life that hadn’t been full of joy. All of those things that had led me to this moment. “It’s part of the reason I left my PhD program.”
“What do you mean? You didn’t feel carefree anymore?”
“I didn’t have any joy. I just wish I’d figured it out sooner. I wish I hadn’t needed to be hit over the head to know the program wasn’t right. I mean…I’d already completed my comprehensive exams. All I had to do was finish my dissertation and defend it to my committee to pass.”
“How could you quit if you were so close?” he asked curiously.
I bit my lip and looked away from him. “I really didn’t love it. I think I was doing it because one thread kept pulling me back to it. The stress got out of control. I couldn’t handle it, and I had to get on anxiety medication. Plus, well, I found out my advisor was sleeping with an undergrad.”
“Jesus,” he said. “What a prick! Did he get fired?”
“I didn’t turn him in. I just broke up with him and quit the department.”
I wasn’t sure I could have shocked him more. Jensen’s mouth was actually hanging open.
“You were dating your professor?” he asked.
“Yeah, for almost three years. Welcome to my life,” I said with a stiff laugh.
“How long ago did you find out about him cheating on you?” he asked.
His knuckles were white where he had bunched them into fists, and I noticed he looked pissed. No, livid. Like, if he could, he would murder Mitch right then and there for hurting me. Sometimes, I wanted to murder Mitch for what he had done to me. And, other times, I thought that the whole thing was a big joke. An easy, convenient joke. But I didn’t think it was love or even lust anymore.
“I don’t know. Two weeks?” I shrugged nonchalantly.
“Fuck. I’m sorry about that. And only two weeks ago? No wonder you didn’t want to go on a date.” He had released his fists, and his gaze returned to mine. “Is all of this too soon?”
“No,” I said immediately. I reached out and ran my hand down his shirt. I didn’t want him to think that I was still in love with Mitch or pining over him. “It had been over with Mitch long before I ended it. I just hadn’t had the nerve to realize what I really wanted.”
“And what do you really want?” he asked, sliding his hand across my back and pulling me toward him.
“Something I’m really passionate about.”
“And what is that?”
“I’m really not sure. I think I’d just like time to decide.”
“You have all the time in the world.”
He brushed his lips against mine. I leaned into him with a sigh. I liked the idea that I had time to figure out what I really wanted in life. Because, besides Jensen kissing me right now, I really didn’t know.
“What are you doing next week?” he asked against my mouth.
“Seeing you, I hope.”
“I have to be in Austin for a few days to sign some paperwork. How would you like to show me around?”
I tilted my head to the side and looked at him in surprise. “Really? But it’s only a few days before Christmas.”
“Business calls,” he said cynically. “But I’d love to have you with me if you could come.”
“I’ll have to check my schedule at the Buddy Holly Center, but I should be able to do it. Plus, it might be pretty awesome if we drove out there because I need to get the rest of my stuff from my apartment before someone comes to sublet the place in January.”
Jensen smiled a devious smile. “We can definitely stop to get your things while we’re there, but, Emery…”
His hands threaded through my hair, and I got lost in his touch and his gentle kisses down my jaw.
“Hmm?”
“We’re not driving, love.”
Chapter 19
Emery
No, we definitely were not driving.
I stared at the Wright private jet with equal parts shock and awe. It was a gorgeous, sleek machine that would get us to Austin in just over an hour. And we had it all to ourselves. I’d joked about him having a private jet only a couple of weeks ago, and here I was, about to be on the damn thing. It felt beyond surreal.
“Allow me to get your bags, Ms. Robinson,” a man said. He was decked out in a suit and looked proper as fuck.
“Oh, um…okay,” I said, relinquishing my bags.
“Thank you, Robbie,” Jensen said. He took my hand in his and smiled down at my stunned face. “Why do you seem so surprised? You knew we were flying.”
“Sure. Just…crazy.” I closed my mouth and tucked my other hand into my back pocket to try to cover my discomfort at the display of wealth. “Is this how you try to impress all the girls?”