Audrey continued her tour, and as I followed her, I felt the gaze of a pair of beautiful green eyes on my back, as I walked out the door and into the blinding light of day.
Doe
When I told my father that King was dead, his only concern was how the hell he’d gotten out of prison in the first place. I didn’t have the time or energy to explain what had really happened, because what I really wanted was his help. “I want to adopt King’s daughter,” I told him, standing in front of his desk while he clicked away on his computer.
The senator rolled his eyes. “You’re a teenager with no source of income. The court isn’t exactly going to look upon you favorably for an adoption,” he’d told me, clicking away at the keyboard on his computer.
“You said you know the judge. You can put a word in,” I stated.
“Yes, that I can do. But that’s just a recommendation, Ramie. Even with a favor from the judge you’re still going to have to follow proper procedure. Being a single woman is not looked upon as being a favorable applicant.”
“Then I’ll fix that.”
“It will increase my chances of being able to adopt her,” I finished. I was sitting on Tanner’s couch in the pool house while Sammy watched TV, wrapped up in his favorite blanket on the floor. Every so often he would look back at me, and after seeing that I was still there, he’d smile and turn back to Elmo.
“Okay,” Tanner agreed, way too quickly.
I shook my head. “No, Tanner. It’s not that easy. You have to take time to think about it. Just because it wouldn’t be a traditional marriage, on paper only, doesn’t mean it wouldn’t affect your life in some ways. You have to consider all that before you make a decision. Come to think of it, there really is no upside in all this for you. You’d have to be crazy to agree to it.”
Tanner wagged his index finger in the air. “And this is why you were never on the debate team, Ray,” Tanner said. “You’re arguing the wrong side,” he added.
“I’m serious,” I said. “This is serious.”
Tanner smiled. “I know. And I know it doesn’t mean much, but I really am sorry about King.” It was the first time Tanner had said his name.
“Thanks. I want to do this for him, but for me too. Maybe it’s selfish, but I want to keep a piece of him close to me.”
“And see, that right there is the very reason I accept your proposal,” Tanner said, “because I want to keep you close to me.”
“But it won’t be—”
Tanner raised a hand to stop me. “You don’t have to keep saying it, I totally get it. But I have terms.”
“What terms?” I asked.
Tanner crossed his ankle over his knee. “I will accept your proposal and agree to marry you on the condition that you have to try. Not at first, I know you’re still grieving, but eventually I want you to try and make what we have a real marriage. We’ll make an effort together. For us. For Sammy.” He reached out and grabbed my hand. “I promise, if you try and if after a year you still feel nothing for me, then I will back away as far as you want me to go.”
“I…” I started to argue. But then Sammy turned around and smiled up at me. I had been willing to whore myself out to a biker in exchange for protection, why was I so unwilling to give a little part of myself for the only family I had left?
“Okay,” I agreed. “But I need time, Tanner. I mean it. I don’t know when I’ll be ready,” I said.
Tanner kissed the back of my hand and went back over to the kitchen where he retrieved the ring box he’d showed me the day he took me and Sammy to the alligator park. “I guess this is yours again, then.” He didn’t try and get down on one knee. He didn’t try to put it on my finger for me. He just tossed me the box.
And it was the best thing he could have done, because just then, I had real hope that he really did understand why I was doing this. And because he understood how important getting Max was to me, I could try and understand how giving our marriage a real shot in the future was important to him.
I opened the box and stared down at the little diamond, “I guess it is.”
Doe
The morning of the party I went to the courthouse with Tanner and picked up the application to start the process to become Max’s adopted mother.
It was also the morning I became Mrs. Tanner Redmond.
And while I was dying inside, it was the thought of being there for Sammy and Max that kept me breathing. They were the ones propelling me forward, moving my feet, one in front of the other.