“I’m a lesbian.”
I rolled my eyes and traced the purple lines of the transfer on her thigh. “Oh, come on, killjoy. Voodoo pussy. Ever have one?”
She sighed wistfully. “Yeah. Her name was Brandie.”
“Ha! Mine’s Bodie. Maybe they’re gender twins. So, what’s the story with Brandie? Did you get over her VP? Ever forget it?”
“Nope. Never.”
I frowned. “Well, the problem for me is that my dick is temporary.”
“How come? Is he, like, from Austria or something?”
One of my brows rose. “That’s really specific, but no. He isn’t leaving the country.”
“So, what? Is he not into you?”
I laughed. “Oh, I’m pretty sure he’s into me. Like, all the way in, if you catch my drift.”
“Yeah, I think I get it,” she deadpanned. “So, what’s the problem? He married?”
“No, not married either. Just … I don’t know. I’m not really the settle-down type. I’ve dated more guys than I have lipstick, and I have a metric fuck-ton of lipstick. As in like a grand total of twenty-thousand-Sephora-points fuck-ton.”
She snickered.
“I wonder if a couple more hook-ups might get him out of my system?”
She shook her head at me like she felt sorry for me.
“What? That’s a valid, reasonable question. And entirely possible. Maybe he’ll be super stinky or gross next time. Or maybe he never flosses.”
“No one flosses.”
I gave her a look. “Seriously, do you even know how to have fun?”
She gave me a look back.
“I like you,” I said with a smile. “And I predict that in two more meetings with his magnificent hammerhead, I will have had it all fucked out of my system.”
“Why two more?”
“Because, by the end of date three, it always goes south. Usually it’s about them turning into crazies or coming on too strong. It’s just like on The Golden Girls. Dudes propose to Blanche like she’s the last woman on earth, and within a week of meeting her. She always turns them down though, that sassy bitch. She’s my guru. When I don’t know what to do, I just ask myself, What would Blanche do?”
“So, what would Blanche do?”
I thought about it. “Well, she’d bang him until it got weird and then kiss him goodbye, wiggling out the door, twiddling her fingers at him.”
“Why not do that?”
“Ugh, I hate the thought of it getting weird, that’s why. It’s easier to just bolt before it happens. I’ve gotten so good at dipping out of the third-date situation.”
“Mmm,” she said noncommittally. “When will you see him for date two?”
I frowned. “I don’t know. Date one was last night, and I’m still recovering. Physically. You know, because he nailed me so hard.”
“Naturally.”
“I have two whole bangs left, so I’ve gotta make the most of it. I need to maximize my bang-to-date ratio. But, if I could do whatever I wanted, I’d see him tonight. Or now. You don’t mind if I just go, do you?”
She laughed. “Sure, and this is free, right?”
“Obviously.”
I sighed, gun buzzing up my arm as I kept working. “He’s exactly what I need right now.”
“So are you going to call him?”
I frowned. “It hasn’t even been twenty-four hours.”
“Hold up,” Ramona said from the wall of my booth, startling me.
“Jesus,” I said, heart jumping. “I’ve got a tattoo gun in my hand, asshole. Give a warning cough or something.”
“Sorry. I was eavesdropping and have unsolicited thoughts to share.”
“Well, by all means, do tell.” I gestured for her to go ahead.
“Since when do you follow rules? If you want to bang, call him and bang.”
I nodded my head as I considered it. “I approve of your logic.”
“I mean, what are you afraid of? That he’ll think you’re coming on too strong?”
We both laughed real loud at that. As if I knew another way to come on.
“Seriously though,” Ramona said, “if you want to call him, call him.”
I really wanted to, but the rule had been so deeply ingrained in my brain that I struggled to override it.
“Penny, if he called you right now and asked you over, what would you do?”
“Pretend I got diarrhea so I could leave,” I answered without hesitation.
Ramona nodded. “That’s what I thought. Also, someday you’re going to try that line and it’s not going to work.”
I waved her off with a laugh. “Please. No one questions diarrhea.” I turned to the girl in my chair for the final word. “What do you think? Honest answer, no bullshit.”
She smirked. “I say, go get that dick.”
So I laughed and decided to do just that.
I was so deep in the code on my screen that afternoon that I almost missed my phone buzzing on the desk. And that would have been a goddamn shame because it was a one-worded text from Penny.
Question.
Insta-smile happened as I picked up my phone, sat back in my chair, and typed.
Answer.
Little dots bounced.
Would you think I was needy if I wanted to see you again tonight?