All she wanted was for him to love her.
With a draining spoon Alesha lifted the eggs out of the water and slid them onto the toast. Any moment now her stomach was going to let her know it was kidding, it didn’t want food at all, just another trip to the bathroom. A gentle rumble told her she was wrong. Food was required. Pulling a stool up to the bench, she plonked her butt down and dosed the eggs with enough salt and pepper to keep her taste buds happy.
There was something in Kristof’s past that held him back. Something more than that failed marriage. Unless that was his problem and by proposing a loveless marriage he wasn’t setting himself up to be hurt again. He’d said he loved his wife so it made sense his heart had been broken.
Egg yolk dripped down her chin. Wiping it away, she took another mouthful, chewed thoughtfully.
They’d both been hurt in the past. In different ways, but hurt was hurt whichever way it struck. She couldn’t trust anyone to love her unconditionally. Yet she wanted to try. To give Kristof a chance. What if it didn’t work out? It was better to give their relationship a chance than never knowing.
Which was good thinking except for one thing. Two things. Two children. They’d be the ones to suffer if the marriage failed. If Kristof never fell in love with her.
They might also suffer if she didn’t marry the man she loved.
She was back to the beginning again. Darn but she was sick and tired of going round and round with all this.
Sick and tired. Her stomach had behaved for hours now. Wow, things could be looking up. But there was a beat going on behind her eyes that wasn’t letting up. Her eyelids were heavier than her handbag. It was time for bed.
Tomorrow might bring some answers to all the questions floating around in her skull. Fingers crossed.
* * *
Kristof went to work the next morning. What else was he supposed to do? In his office he dropped into the chair behind his desk and stared at the files neatly stacked in the centre. He didn’t want to look through them. Which was a first. Nothing in that pile was urgent, or even needed his attention until Monday morning. So why was he here? It was Saturday and there were plenty of other things needing his attention at home.
He’d phoned Alesha again and again. She wasn’t picking up. Asleep still? Or avoiding him? It didn’t matter. The result was the same. He was lost. Unable to decide how to make her see marriage was the best idea for their situation.
‘Hey, man, you’re looking about as happy as a dog whose bone got stolen.’ Harry dropped into the opposite chair. ‘What’s up?’
‘Nothing.’ Kristof studied the files.
‘Woman trouble.’
‘You think?’
Harry laughed. ‘I’ve never seen you look so glum, like you have a problem you don’t know how to fix.’
‘Could mean my shower’s stopped working and I can’t get a plumber at short notice.’ The trouble with friends was they saw too much and had no compunction over talking about it.
‘This the woman you met in Dubrovnik?’
When had he told Harry about Alesha? ‘If I say yes will you go away?’
‘She dump you?’
Considering it was well known he didn’t do relationships, where had his pal got that idea from?
It’s the truth.
So? Didn’t mean he had to admit it. ‘Sort of.’
Zip your mouth.
‘Why?’
‘Who the hell knows?’ He didn’t. Or maybe he did have an inkling. ‘She lets people get so close then pushes them away.’ And that was all he was saying. Kristof stood up.
‘You free to join our tribe for dinner tonight? It’s your goddaughter’s birthday.’
A kick in the gut wouldn’t hurt half as much. Kristof swore. ‘I totally forgot.’
‘Which is why I figured something was wrong. We’ll be seeing you, then?’
‘Of course. I’ll go shopping now for that bike I promised her.’ That’d keep his mind busy.
‘Want to ask your lady friend to join us too?’
Yes, he did, but a man could only take so many knockbacks. ‘She’s busy.’
‘Or you don’t want to risk her saying no.’
‘When did you get so clever?’ Kristof sank back on his chair, suddenly unable to move forward. As if he were stuck in a groove between what he had and what he wanted. ‘I’m going to be a father to twins. A boy and a girl.’
‘You’re pulling my leg?’ Harry shook his head. ‘Of course you’re not. Twins? Talk about playing catch-up in a big way. Man, you are in for some fun and a heap of responsibility.’
Responsibility he could do. Fun he wanted, but wasn’t sure where to start.
Harry hadn’t finished. ‘The fun means letting go and diving right in, becoming a hands-on dad, and that’s scaring the pants off you.’
Kristof didn’t say a word. What was the point?
Harry’s hand slapped the desktop. ‘Duh, how stupid of me. That’s not the problem. It’s the kids’ mother putting that sour look on your face. You are worried about letting your feelings show, or how to act on them.’
Knew he’d get there in the end. ‘So?’
‘So take a chance. Stop hiding from the past. Go risk your heart for them all. I am right in presuming you love her?’
Kristof froze. Couldn’t have blinked if he’d tried. Love Alesha? He cared for her, a lot. Wanted what was best for her. Needed to protect her, look out for her. But love her? Crack. A sharp pain stabbed his heart. Another crack opened it further.
Was this love? This all-encompassing, debilitating sensation filling his chest was the real deal? It wouldn’t go away because he expected it to? Another stab hit his chest. ‘I have totally screwed up,’ he admitted.
Harry stood up. ‘Then go fix it.’
‘What if I’m too late?’ Agony lanced him. Alesha had to give him a second chance. She just had to.
‘I’ll tell Katie you won’t be there for her party for a very good reason. But, man, you’d better deliver on this. No one gets these chances very often. Don’t wreck it before you’ve crawled on bare knees across hot, sharp coals.’
‘Thanks.’
The door closed with a resounding click and Kristof stared at the paintwork. Katie’s birthday and he’d forgotten all about it. What sort of godfather did that make him? The uninvolved kind. The kind of father he’d been hoping to avoid becoming. Leaping to his feet, he made for the door, hauled it back so hard it slammed the wall. ‘Harry? If it’s all right with you I’ll pick Katie up after lunch and take her to choose her own bike. We’ll have time together.’
Harry started back towards him, a smile on his dial. ‘Now you’re talking like a real godfather. What about your woman? Don’t waste time there, either.’
‘Alesha. Her name’s Alesha.’ His lungs expanded. ‘I’m going to see if she likes buying bikes and having dinner with strangers.’ And if she didn’t, he’d call tomorrow and see if she wanted to go to the farmers’ market. On Monday? He’d come up with something because as of now he was not giving up on winning her over.
* * *
Alesha arranged the two teddy bears, one pink and one blue, on her dresser and smiled. It didn’t matter how hollowed out and sick she felt, excitement was in her belly, warming her heavy heart. She was having two babies, and, despite all the problems waving at her, she was excited.
‘Hey.’ Shelley stuck her head around the door. ‘You’ve got a visitor.’
Alesha’s smile fell away. There was only one person who’d be calling on her. Kristof. She didn’t have a line-up of close friends who dropped in and out at the weekends. It had to be the man who continuously played havoc with her head. ‘Kristof?’