‘What for? More insults?’ Then she was tripping, sprawling across the hall carpet, her hands automatically protecting her belly. Her baby.
His baby. ‘Alesha.’ His knees hit the floor with a crack. ‘Alesha, I’m sorry.’ He bundled her into his arms and held her tight.
She fought him. ‘Let me go.’
He didn’t want to. He wanted to soothe her, make her feel better. Instead he rose and steadied her on her feet. ‘Don’t go. Not yet.’ He’d behaved appallingly. ‘You came to talk to me. Let’s start. I promise not to be unkind again.’
She sank against the wall, her bottom lip trembling, her eyes filled with torment he was responsible for.
His heart stopped, and he hated himself. How monstrous had he been? No, he didn’t want a baby, a child, in his life. But if one was on the way he had to man up and get on with accepting his fate. It didn’t mean he had to like it.
‘Call me when you’ve had time to get used to this,’ Alesha whispered, and pushed upright.
‘You’re not going out on the street in this condition. Come and have that tea you wanted. I’ll make you a fresh one, that first one will be ruined. We’ll talk if you still want to.’ He’d do all in his power to get across to her he was sorry for his reaction.
‘That depends.’ At least she was walking in the right direction.
‘On my behaviour? I get it.’ She’d shocked the pants off him. A baby. No way. Not him.
‘Seeing the positive test knocked me over too.’ Her mood wasn’t lightening. Why would it after his outburst? ‘But it was positive. I am pregnant.’
Kristof switched on the kettle, for want of something to do. He was going to be a father, one job he’d never put his hand up for. The only example he’d had of that role had turned out to be false and the biggest let-down of his life. But there was no avoiding that the unforeseeable had happened and he was going to be a dad. In some capacity at any rate.
Where did a guy start? How did he know what to do apart from the obvious like feeding and changing sodden nappies, things he’d learned training to be a doctor, not from his family? What if this child had high expectations of him, as he’d had of his father, and he let it—her or him—down? No, that would not happen. At least not before he’d poured everything he had into making certain he was doing his best for his child without getting too close emotionally.
An elbow nudged him out of the way. ‘I’ll get that.’ A small hand took the packet of teabags from his fingers. ‘Otherwise I could be here all night.’ Apparently she didn’t want that. Couldn’t blame her at all.
Which wound him up in a flash. ‘Why don’t we eat and talk, and then you can stay the night instead of catching the train home afterwards since you’re so tired? Sleeping past your stop late at night is not safe.’
The boiling water went into the mug without overflowing this time, but it came close. ‘Because you don’t really want me here. Another reason is that my morning sickness is evening sickness and I don’t eat dinner at the moment.’
His protective instincts flared, cancelling the annoyance of a moment ago. ‘All the more reason for you not to leave. There’s a spare room with the bed made up.’ He looked at her wan face and felt a squeeze in his chest for this woman he knew and yet didn’t know. ‘Please.’
A solitary tear leaked out of the corner of her right eye and tracked down her cheek.
Kristof caught it with his forefinger before it dripped onto her shirt. ‘We’ll make this work. You’re not on your own.’
‘No one’s ever said that to me before.’ Alesha coughed.
Seemed he’d opened a floodgate, such was the torrent that poured over her face now. Reaching for her, he tucked her against his body, her wet face pressed into his chest, her arms snaking around his waist to hold on tight. Stroking her back, he felt such a tenderness for Alesha it frightened him. Somehow they’d work their way through this and be there for each other in the future. Somehow. So much for remaining removed from her. Right now, she needed him, or his support, and damned if he wasn’t going to oblige. Not just because it was the right thing to do, but because he couldn’t not.
Run, man, run, while you still can. Get away, protect yourself.
But he couldn’t. They had to sort this. A baby, for pity’s sake. Him and a baby. Alesha and a baby, yes, he could see that was no problem. But him as a dad? Poor little kid.
It was going to take some accepting that he could no longer walk away from a relationship when he’d had enough without feeling he was missing out on something essential to life. A child was for ever. He or she had ended up with Kristof as a dad and that wasn’t great.
What would it be like to hold his own baby? Would his heartstrings sing? Or would the fear of letting down the child outweigh the joy that Harry had often told him came with the first sight, the first touch, the first hold of your own baby?
He so wasn’t ready for this. Who was?
But there was nothing for it. He had to step up to the mark. Alesha needed him and he would not let her down.
* * *
‘I’ve never cried so much as I have these past days.’ Alesha finally pulled out of Kristof’s arms and picked up her cup of much-needed tea, though her hands were so shaky she was losing most of it over the rim as she crossed to the stool. Sitting down, she gripped the mug with both hands, took little sips, holding her breath after each one. Throwing up so wasn’t a good look.
Kristof asked, ‘Does this mean you’ll be heading back to New Zealand?’
What? The whole point of telling him about the baby was so he’d have a part in his or her life. ‘No, I’m not.’
‘How long can you stay on in England on your visa?’
They really knew nothing about each other. ‘My mother is British so I can come and go as I please. Getting work is not a legal problem.’
‘We’re both from multinational families, then.’ Kristof was watching her as he asked, ‘Won’t you want to go home now to be close to your family when the baby is born?’
Close to her family? There was a joke, albeit a sour one. ‘I won’t be returning to New Zealand.’
A question formed in his eyes.
She hastened to avoid it. ‘I like working in some of the large hospitals in London, and lately I’ve been thinking of buying my own place in a small town on the edge of the city, somewhere I can make into a home and feel like I belong.’
‘In other words, settle down. Did this come before you found out you were pregnant, or after?’
‘While I was helping at the children’s home. The work was fulfilling in a different way from what I’m used to and I got to thinking about how I never stop anywhere for long. Yes, I’ve been in London now for two years, but I’ve spent a fair proportion of that time travelling or working in hospitals in other cities. I’m a bit like a stray cat looking for somewhere to get food and warmth before moving on.’
Too much information, girl. He’s starting to look scared.
Kristof sipped his beer. ‘You won’t be working once the baby’s born.’
She needed to correct that fast. ‘Not at first, no, but eventually I’ll have to go back to something.’ There was money in the bank thanks to her grandmother’s will. More than enough to buy a small property with a tiny backyard, and to keep her and the baby fed and clothed in reasonable comfort, because one thing she’d learned from her parents, about the only thing apart from how to abandon your child, was saving and being sensible with money, so she’d invested wisely.
‘I’ll support you financially so don’t worry about that.’
Tea had never tasted so sour. ‘I don’t need that from you. I’ve got a nest egg back in New Zealand.’ Time to start arranging for it to be transferred to a local bank.
‘I’d prefer you don’t touch it. For now at least.’
This was crazy. She was having thei
r baby and they were talking about money. She never talked about that. Though yes, she could see that at some stage this discussion was probably necessary, but tonight when Kristof was still getting used to the idea he was going to be a father? ‘Right. I won’t. For now.’