Not the way to go, Tamara.
Ding-dong.
‘Coming,’ she sang. Since Conor’s first visit here, on the day she’d told him she was pregnant, she’d grown to love the sound of her doorbell.
Even better was the kiss Conor gave her the moment she opened the door. His mouth claimed hers as though he would never leave her again. When he pushed his tongue across her lips she opened her mouth and let him in. Savoured his taste, the feel of him, his scent. Truly knew him, not as the father of her baby, the man she’d worked with for nearly a year, the guy who had sworn to stand by her, but as Conor Maguire—the whole package, the man who she could too easily fall in love with if she ever relaxed enough. Her body ached for him from her toes to her mouth. ‘Have we got time?’ she whispered through their kiss.
She was swung up against Conor’s chest and carried towards her bedroom without his mouth shifting off hers. Guess that was a yes, then.
* * *
Some time later Conor stepped out of the bathroom, saying, ‘Let’s go and have us some fun. Have you got a jacket? There could be a sea breeze while we’re on the ferry.’
Tamara snatched up the one she’d put on the table earlier. ‘Yes, and sunscreen to protect my pasty winter skin.’
‘It’s me who’ll need that. My Irish skin can’t handle the Kiwi sun.’
The crossing was calm. Baby stomach hadn’t objected. Bathed in sunshine, Devonport was busy with city dwellers out for a stroll and an alfresco lunch.
Walking slowly, her hand in Conor’s, stopping to window-gaze at pottery, art and clothes, Tamara hadn’t felt so relaxed in years. ‘It’s as though everything’s coming together perfectly,’ she spilled as they sat down at a small round table outside a lunch bar. Then the familiar dread crept in. Too perfectly. ‘I shouldn’t have said that.’
‘Think you’re tempting fate?’ Conor asked.
‘Over the last couple of years, whenever I’ve dared to think things might be looking up, something awful has happened.’ And since they’d never looked up half as much as they were now, she might have a lot to fear.
‘You’re not on your own any more. We’re a team. We’re going to watch out for each other.’
‘Aw, shucks. You say the loveliest of things sometimes.’ Sniff, sniff.
‘I wouldn’t if I knew it was going to make you cry.’ With the paper napkin from the plate at his elbow he gently dabbed her eyes.
Which only increased the volume of water oozing down her cheeks.
‘Hey, steady. These napkins aren’t made for waterfalls.’ Conor’s lips tipped upwards, sending her stomach into a riot of butterflies.
‘I wish my dad could’ve met you. He’d have liked you.’ Dad had dreamed of walking his daughter down the aisle since the first time he’d held her in his hands. Which had absolutely nothing to do with Conor. She wasn’t marrying him, just setting up house to provide for their child.
‘I’d have liked that too.’ Conor screwed up the wet napkin and dropped it in the centre of the table. ‘Want to order?’
They shared a large Hawaiian pizza and Conor had a beer while Tamara stuck to water. Leaning back in her chair, she glanced along the road to where the tide lapped at the edge of the promenade. ‘I could stay here for ever.’ There wasn’t a driving need to fill gaps in conversation or to wonder what Conor might be thinking. ‘Have you decided about following up on the Sydney interview?’
‘How would you feel if I did? Would you be okay with joining me there? If you are and I get the position then I’ll stay a few extra days to look for somewhere for us to live.’ Caution lay between them, the cosy atmosphere gone.
‘There’s nothing to keep me here apart from my job, which I was going to give up at the end of the year to go to university. Kelli is my only friend and she would be the last person to want me not getting on with my life, and that’s with you now. You and wee man.’ Her hand circled her belly. Was it her imagination or had her stomach begun to pop out now that she’d accepted her pregnancy?
‘You aren’t agreeing to move just to keep me happy?’
‘Not at all. I’m all for making changes in my life, and there are a lot coming up. Why not start our new life in a place neither of us has been before?’
‘That job in Sydney’s only for twelve months and then we get to repeat this conversation.’
‘Done. Sydney it is. Because I know you’ll be offered the position. They’d have to be crazy not to.’ Something like excitement fizzed in her veins. ‘I feel I’m starting to live again. My primary goal is no longer to keep my head down and avoid facing up to difficult people or decisions.’
‘You were focused on going to university and med school.’
‘I procrastinated for ever. All those “t”s and “i”s. If you hadn’t kept telling me I could do anything if I wanted it badly enough, I’d probably still be dithering about applying.’ Now the decision had been taken away from her it was surprising how little that hurt. How could it when she was going to become a mother?
‘You could apply in Sydney.’
He’d just said he’d only be there a year. Anyway, ‘I don’t want to become a doctor at the moment. Being a hands-on mum is what I’d like to be next. Does that make me sound flaky? Unreliable?’ She didn’t wait for an answer. He might say yes. ‘Imagine all those hours I’d have to spend studying and later working and there’d be a wee man at home not getting my full attention. I don’t think so. I’ll get a part-time job nursing.’
‘You can stay at home if you want. Be a full-time mother.’
‘We’ll see.’ It was too early to accept his offer, if she could ever bring herself to do that. She was still getting her head around the fact she had agreed to leave Auckland. It felt right, but it was a huge leap in trust. What a difference a week made, unless she was back to her old tricks and handing over her heart too easily.
No, I refuse to believe that.
Until proved wrong, I will believe in Conor. Totally.
Because otherwise she’d do her head in, working it all out. Anyway, her heart still belonged to her, not Conor.
* * *
‘We don’t have to hurry back to the city.’ Conor watched Tam across the table. ‘Want to walk along the beach?’ A relaxed Tamara was something to enjoy. She didn’t do it often enough. Was he about to push too hard, too fast?
‘That’s a great idea.’
Placing some money under his plate, Conor rose and reached for her hand. ‘I’ve never held a woman’s hand so often.’ He winced. ‘Sorry, that wasn’t exactly tactful.’
‘We come with pasts. Not that I know anything about yours. Come on, spill. Any world-stopping affairs? Or a great love of your life that didn’t work out?’
Now who was being tactless? But he rolled with it because it might help his cause by knocking down some more barriers. ‘There was a girl I thought I’d love for ever, until the day she swiped my piece of birthday cake from my school bag and left me her mouldy scone. We were seven.’
‘Silly girl. She might’ve got the whole cake if she’d played nice.’
He nudged her. ‘Remember that.’ He swung their hands between them. ‘Next I fell ha
rd for a student at med school until she turned up one day sporting a rock on her finger and her resignation in the other hand. She’d found the specialist she wanted to marry and live the good life with.’
‘That must’ve hurt.’
‘Only my pride. We weren’t well suited. For a while I stuck to having fun without commitment, the only way to go when most hours were taken up with study.’ The old demon rose. ‘After my heart attack there was no way I was looking for a serious relationship.’
Her fingers jerked in his, but she didn’t withdraw.
Conor stopped and took her into his arms to gaze into those deep eyes. ‘Seems from the day I met you life took a bat and beat me over the skull, because everything I adhered to regarding relationships flew out the window. It has taken time for me to recognise what was going on.’ Did she see where he was headed?
Her tongue worried at the centre of her top lip. ‘You’re okay with that? It’s been a shock for both of us.’
‘I’m not just talking about the baby, Tam.’
‘Oh.’ Worry, worry. Then she pulled away and continued walking along the beach.
They were still surrounded by kids and dogs, and couples, and elderly women chatting. Conor went with Tam, ready to wait a bit longer, despite the impatience sizzling in his veins.
Her fingers slipped into his again. ‘That heart attack has a lot to answer for.’
‘Yeah.’ Too much. But not all bad. ‘My mother struggled to come to terms with losing Dad and my brother. There was a while there when occasionally she’d go out to the store to get something and not come home.’
Tam gasped. ‘Where were you?’
‘The first time I was with a playmate and his mother went to find her. The second time it happened during the night and I woke up. My crying must’ve been loud because the neighbour rang the cops, who turned up real fast.’
‘Were you taken away?’
‘Fortunately, no. There’s only so much a four-year-old could cope with.’ That would’ve meant the start of welfare and strangers and he had already been broken-hearted. ‘One of the cops was Dave and he’d known Mam for a long time so he stayed with me while his colleagues searched for her. It was Dave who spent hours with Mam, talking about whatever was important to her, and after that whenever she felt the urge to get away she’d ring him.’