Not sure how Tam would feel about that.
‘We’ll be there,’ she told Michael quickly.
Giving him a taste of his own medicine by not consulting with him before accepting? ‘Seems that’s a yes. Might as well have a meal at the same time.’
Tamara tugged her hand away and picked up a file from the counter, like she was dismissing him. Regretting that they’d told everyone? Or still assimilating the fact they weren’t alone with this any more? Tam would struggle with having shared something so personal.
He leaned in to say, for her ears only, ‘Yesterday I overheard two nurses commenting on your tiredness and how you’re not eating as much as usual. By telling everyone, we’ve stopped the gossip before it gets out of hand.’
Troubled eyes met his gaze. ‘Or started something bigger.’
The media. The ever-present monster. Maybe she’d been right to think it best to hide the fact she was pregnant. But that wouldn’t work. Babies tended to become very obvious after a few months of incubating. ‘Hey, guys, one more thing.’ Probably huffing into the wind, but worth a try. ‘We’d prefer it if our news could stay among the team, and not be broadcast over the city.’
‘Fair enough.’
‘Good idea.’
‘Of course.’
They’d have to wait to know if everyone was completely with them on this. Or go to Sydney sooner rather than later.
The phone from Ambulance Headquarters rang and ended the chattering.
But not the questions buzzing in Conor’s head as he picked up a patient’s notes. Did he even want to move to Sydney now that the reason for going had disappeared? Would Tam be just as comfortable in Dublin? Or should they stay here and brazen it out? No. Not that. It would be unfair on the baby, and Tam.
Spring air floated before him. Soft fingers alighted on his forearm. ‘Conor? Thanks.’
‘What’d I do?’
‘Made me see how much of a secret I’ve been living. I don’t tell people, friends even, much about what I’m up to and that’s been stifling. For the last two years I’ve been in shut-down mode. Not the way I used to live and...’ she drew a breath and lifted her shoulders ‘...not how I intend bringing up my child.’ Her eyes were filled with surprise and something else. Relief.
To hell with being at work. Conor leapt to his feet and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, placed a soft kiss on her forehead. Okay, so not the kiss he wanted to give but, yes, they were in the middle of the emergency department. ‘Go, girl. You will do just great. Never forget I’ve got your back.’ Another sneaky kiss and he stepped back, still watching her. ‘Hey, no tears, ’cos you’re making my eyes well up and that is so not a good look when I’m the boss around here.’
* * *
Slipping the spring green floaty top over her head, Tamara peered into the ridiculously small mirror in the staff locker room. If that image didn’t raise a smile on Conor’s dial then she might as well go back to baggy tees.
Hugging herself, she laughed softly. In February she’d been walking past a shop that had once been her favourite go-to place for great clothes and had spied this blouse in the window. It had been one of those have-to-have moments that had cost far too much money even in the end-of-summer sale. Since then the blouse had languished at the back of her wardrobe. But today spring was in the air and in the colours of the blouse. Spring came filled with promise, exactly how she felt at the moment. The media wouldn’t rule her life again. Neither would Peter get a look in. But Conor? Oh, yes. Bring him on, centre stage. And... Tamara did a little dance on the spot. And she was going to meet her baby in a little over an hour.
The door swung wide and Kelli strolled in. ‘Hello? Has anyone seen my friend? The one who hides in frumpy clothes and doesn’t wear make-up? The one who doesn’t own gorgeous, to-die-for blouses and tight capris. Seems you haven’t forgotten how make-up works either.’
‘I saw that woman leaving home early this morning,’ Tamara gave straight back. ‘You’re stuck with me now.’
‘I’m not even going to ask.’
Wait two minutes and I bet you do. I’ll save you the bother.
‘It’s time, Kelli.’
Her friend nodded. ‘I agree.’
‘Way past it, if I’m honest. This baby’s shaking me up something terrible. But it’s also exciting. I want to do right by him or her, which means moving on, dropping the past.’
‘Nothing to do with Conor, then? You’re not trying to impress him?’ A cheeky grin took any edge out of her words. ‘Because you need to know baby has no idea what you’re wearing, but Conor is going to melt on the spot when he sees you.’
Tamara smiled. ‘Ninety percent to do with him. I’ve been a fashion nightmare far too long. It’s surprising Conor took me to bed in the first place, don’t you think?’
‘No, I don’t. You’ve always been more than your clothes, girlfriend. But I’m thrilled to see you all dressed up and looking like you own the world.’
‘I’ll pay you when I’ve been to the cash machine.’ The excitement bubbled up again. Today she’d made inroads into getting on with this new life that made her feel proud. Strong, even. Stronger.
‘I can’t wait to hear about the scan. You will tell me everything, won’t you?’
‘I’ll bore you to sleep with the details. Oh, Kells, it’s true. I’m having a baby.’ A little life was growing inside her and she was about to hear its heart beating and see it moving. A lone tear sneaked out from the corner of her eye.
‘Yeah, you are.’ A hint of wistfulness came through those three words.
‘Kelli?’
‘If you need a godmother for this baby, you’ve got my number.’
‘The job’s yours, as of now.’ It was something she’d already decided on, had just been waiting to discuss it with Conor first. Oops. She needed to rectify that fast.
The stunned look on Conor’s face when she walked into his office raised her self-awareness to a whole new level and made her realise how low she’d gone. ‘I thought you looked beautiful before.’ He came around his desk to kiss her. ‘I had no idea.’
‘Are you ready?’ Time was moving too fast. ‘Rush hour’s started and I’d hate to be late for this appointment.’
He swung his car keys from his fingers. ‘We’re off.’
‘Snails are passing us,’ she muttered as the line of traffic stalled at lights for the umpteenth time.
‘School’s out. It’s to be expected.’
‘You’re too calm.’
‘One of us has to be.’ Conor lifted her hand from her lap and kissed each finger in turn.
‘Aren’t you tearing apart with excitement? With the need to see our baby?’ Her stomach was going to take days to recover from this, churning away like a washing machine stuck on fast.
‘Oh, yeah.’
The car jerked forward, stopping an inch from the car in front. ‘Come on, move,’ Tamara yelled, and pounded her knees with her fists. ‘This is ridiculous.’ She turned on Conor. ‘You can stop laughing and all.’
‘We have forty minutes to cover less than a kilometre. I don’t see the problem.’
Leaning back, she closed her eyes and counted to ten. ‘Why are men so damned reasonable?’ Opening her eyes, she fixed him with a glare. ‘Or is it only you?’
He just laughed. Again.
‘You are excited.’ Yes. ‘We’re on the same page.’
‘Better get used to it.’ He grinned. ‘This is how it should be for evermore.’
Her happiness tripped. Righted itself. She’d run with his easy talk. New day, new outlook. ‘Um, just one thing. I was going to talk to you first but the words kind of slipped out. I told Kelli I’d like her to be baby’s godmother.’
‘That’s fine. She’s a perfect choice.’
/> ‘You agree as easily as that?’ Unbelievable. ‘Even if we leave the country?’
‘Yep. Gives me leeway for my stuff-ups.’ Conor was tapping out a tune on the steering wheel as he waited for the lights to change. On the footpath two youngsters sped past on skateboards. ‘Kids, eh? I can’t believe we’re going to see our child. Ours.’
‘If we ever get there.’
‘Is it a boy or a girl?’
‘Does that matter?’ She didn’t mind one way or the other, though she had started calling the baby he or him. Probably because of the mental images her mind drew up on a regular basis of a much younger version of Conor. That black hair; those blue eyes that were more often than not filled with warmth and laughter; the smile to beat all smiles that turned her to putty.
Beside her Conor laughed. ‘Not at all, but I want to know so I can call the baby her or him and be right. I want all the things I plan for our child to be in the right colour, the right head space, the right shape.’
‘You want pink for a girl and blue for a boy?’ Tamara spluttered.
‘Old-fashioned, huh?’
‘Very. Believe me, I won’t be buying only pink if we have a girl. There’ll be every colour of the rainbow in her clothes, her room, her toys.’
‘Ah, but no pink anywhere if it’s a boy.’