That was all she got. A nudge toward the bed, but no impassioned possession. They laid down side by side and kissed some more. He touched her skillfully, but skill wasn’t enough to turn her on. Something was missing, some force or intensity. He slid her clothes off when she wanted him to rip them off, and then he set about doing everything he could to please her.
But she wanted to be the one to please him.
He trailed kisses down her waist, to her pelvis, and lower. She wanted to clamp her legs shut. She knew what was coming, knew he would go down on her and do everything he could to cater to her needs. That’s what nice guys did. She laid back and tried to relax, tried to get into his lovey, gentle vibe, but nothing came, only frustration.
“You taste so sweet,” he whispered against her mons. “You’re so beautiful down here. You taste so fine, baby.”
She made a soft sound, trying to play along, like he was arousing her. He was great at going down. He was spectacular at it, actually, if technique and enthusiasm were the markers. Any other girl would be coming like mad by now. She grasped his hair and tried to psych herself into pleasure. Don’t be stupid. This should feel good. The only reason it doesn’t is because you’re a sicko and you want him to tie you up and beat you instead. Her soft sound became more of an impatient sigh.
Eliot stopped. “What’s wrong?”
Molly squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. “Nothing. I’m just... I’ve never been into this.”
He laughed. “That’s a new one. Well, what are you into?”
She caught the edge of annoyance in his voice. Shit. She was ruining everything. What was she supposed to do? Tell him everything she was into and watch him run for the hills? “Just fuck me,” she said, pulling at his shoulders. “Please fuck me. I’m so hot for you.”
The problem was, with every moment that passed, she grew a little less hot for him. She squeezed his shoulders, scratched him to try to urge him to more intensity, but he gave her a look like she was confusing him, or maybe freaking him out.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Don’t be sorry.” More kissing. More gentle caresses. “I just want to make you feel good. You’re so sweet, so hot.”
He produced a condom, rolled it on and nestled the head of his cock against her pussy. He was hung nice and thick. She wanted him to thrust inside her roughly, thrust inside so it hurt a little and unsettled her. Instead he took his time, sinking into her in a sensual slide, lifting her hips to ease the way. Oh God, it felt good. It felt damn good to be filled again, but he was so tentative and gentle that any of the thrill of his entry dissipated into a kind of stupor of...ugh...sweetness.
“That feels good,” she breathed. “You don’t have to be so gentle. I want you.”
“I know, baby. I want you too. It feels so good inside you.”
He quickened his pace, but he was still as polite and vanilla as any lover could possibly be. He was exactly the lover she should have expected him to be: attentive, patient, caring. He was an excellent lover, an unselfish lover. The lover of any woman’s dreams—but not hers.
He fucked her on and on, never tiring. He was waiting for her to come, but it wasn’t happening. He caressed her, licked her nipples, kneaded her ass, but it was hopeless. None of it was right. When he flipped over on his back and pulled her on top of him, Molly gave up completely. It frightened her to be in this dominant position, and worse, he went still beneath her. “Ride me, babe. You’re in charge now. Do what feels good.”
“I can’t. I...I never come in this position.”
“I can make you come.”
He moved in her a little, twisting his hips. Molly was going dry, so each thrust felt a little sharper, but it wasn’t sexy pain. It was just pain. It was failure and misery. Even if she told Eliot what she was into, even if he got a little kinkier to fulfill her, that’s just what it would be. To fulfill her. Ugh.
“Come for me, baby. I want to see you come.”
It was clear Eliot was all about pleasing his partners, and that extended to getting them off. His face was screwed into a mask of concentration, like if he just tried hard enough he could make this happen.
It wasn’t going to happen. He was still urging her on, making her buck up and down on his cock. She closed her eyes and tried to think about something to get turned on. Immediately her mind went to dark eyes and dreadlocks. Mephisto bending her over, forcing his cock into her ass and pounding his hips against her. No, it wasn’t right for her to think about Mephisto, not in Eliot’s bed. She looked down at him, focusing on him, on how much she wanted to come just to make him happy. Nothing. Nothing at all. “It’s starting to hurt a little,” she said.
He rolled with her again. She barely suppressed a sigh as he spread her legs, trying to work her clit, trying to coax some response that wasn’t there. Molly wanted to disappear, to bolt from his place and hide somewhere and cry and scream and rage. He kissed her breasts, then slid his tongue around the base of her neck. She thought about her Master’s collar that used to rest there...
“I don’t have any lube,” he said. “Maybe if I put on a new condom—”
“No,” Molly said. Enough. No more. She forced a smile and touched his arm. “It’s okay. Sometimes I just don’t come.”
“I could go down on you again.”
“No.”
Eliot deflated a little, rolled back and away from her. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry it’s not working for you.”
“You can still come,” Molly offered. “You can fuck me until you come. Or I could go down on you.”
He shook his head, looking a little horrified. “No, I wouldn’t expect that from you.” His previously impressive hard-on was faltering before her eyes, fading away in the face of his self-perceived failure as lover. Molly steeled herself against tears and tried to sound casual.
“You know, it’s not you. It’s me. You’re a wonderful lover. You’re really skilled in bed. I mean it, you are.”
He gave her a rueful smile. “Circumstances would seem otherwise.”
She knew if she explained the problem to him, that she needed him to be more forceful, more dominant, that he’d take a stab at it just to make her happy, but he would never be like her Master. Never be like Mephisto, a man for whom control and domination came as naturally as breathing. But Eliot was such a great guy... Maybe in time, she could learn to get aroused by gentleness and equality between the sheets.
Or maybe it was time to face the fact that she was wired weird and always would be.
Tears filled her eyes and this time she couldn’t hold them back. “I’m sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry,” Eliot crooned, stroking her cheek. “I’m sorry we didn’t wait longer. I think maybe we tried this too soon.”
Molly shook her head. “No. I think I just...I miss my husband. I still miss him too much. You’re so different from him.”
Eliot’s face softened. While it wasn’t the exact truth, it was enough to make him feel a little less of a failure, and she was glad of that. He tried to pull her close again, but she scooted away, stood to get her clothes. “I think... I think I have to leave for now. I’m sorry.”
I’m sorry I can’t stop crying. I’m sorry I can’t find myself and you got caught up in all my craziness.
“You don’t have to go,” he said. “We can finish watching the movie. I can hold you. Molly, you’re upset.”
She swiped away the tears that threatened to drown her. “I’ll be fine.”
He began to dress too, seeming to find his own solace in looking after her. “Let me hold you until you stop crying anyway.”
“I don’t want you to hold me!” Her sudden sharp outburst surprised even her. “I don’t want you to comfort me, or fix me. I want to be left alone right now. You’re not the right person for me, okay?”
He put his hands up in a defensive motion. “Okay. Fine. Blunt, slightly rude. But okay. Can I call you a cab?”
“No, I’ll walk.”
> It was far to walk, but he didn’t argue or try to stop her. He did follow her all the way back to Mephisto’s, along six city blocks in oppressive darkness, a silent specter lingering back and letting her have her little meltdown. Somehow it upset her even more, than he was still so kind when she’d basically dumped his ass. He deserved someone suitable for him, someone who would appreciate the chivalrous knight he was. Every time she thought about what might have been, about what she was passing up, tears blurred her eyes again and spilled onto her cheeks.