Was it in the plan? Did you have to marry someone you loved? Or was it enough to dance with them, and make art, and enjoy the special moments while they lasted? What was more important to her? The increasing devotion she felt for Rubio, or her career?
She glanced at him over her wine glass. He smiled back at her. It wasn’t his bedroom smile, the sadistic smile that made her quake inside, or his stage smile, which was always a bit fake. It was his happy, natural smile that made him look so charming.
Conversation dropped off by the end of the meal. Liam was uncharacteristically quiet, and Mem lingered even though it was his habit to leave the table once he finished. Ashleigh groaned, easing back in her chair. “I ate too much. This baby doesn’t give me enough space.”
She was in her last trimester now. Petra eyed her rounded stomach as Mem and Liam made sympathetic sounds. Liam looked at Petra and then back at Ashleigh.
Ash held his gaze a moment, then turned to pat her on the shoulder. “Want to head up to the roof with me for some fresh air?”
Hm. Okay.
Petra nodded and went to pull on a light coat. She got the feeling she was being purposely herded away, but she loved the Wilder’s rooftop garden, with its pergolas and benches, and its unimpeded view of the stars. She followed her friend to the elevator tucked into the back of a room adjoining the dining room. Ash fanned herself as the doors closed.
“I’m so hot these days, even though it’s cold out.” She ran a hand over the rise of her stomach. “The baby’s like a heating blanket. Oh, I love this,” she said, touching the sleeve of Petra’s fitted blue coat. “Did you get it back in New York? I miss being able to fit into normal clothes.” She kept up a steady stream of banter until they were up on the roof, relaxing on cushioned chairs. Ash slung an arm over her head, staring at the night sky.
“The cool air feels good,” she said with a sigh. “Thanks for keeping me company.”
Petra gave her friend a sideways glance. “I guess they’re talking about Paulsen down there?”
For a moment, she looked like she might try to come up with a lie, but then she shrugged. “Probably. Yes. They’re in court with him this week.”
“With Paulsen? Don’t I have to be there for that?”
Ashleigh picked at the edge of her cushion. “I don’t think so. It’s best if you aren’t there. It will only feed his obsession. Liam doesn’t tell me everything, but I know they’ve collected a boatload of evidence to prove he’s a threat to you. Emails, letters, photos. The lawyers will take care of it.”
Petra crossed her arms tightly over her chest. A boatload of evidence, of which she’d seen nothing. “We just talked yesterday,” she said, “and Liam didn’t bring up anything about Paulsen and going to court.”
“He doesn’t want to burden you with it. I think he also doesn’t want to get your hopes up that this court date will solve anything.” She reached out to touch Petra’s hand. “Try not to be annoyed with him. He’s very protective, especially to women. Well, he’s protective to everyone, but when it comes to women and children, he gets kind of nuts.”
“That’s sweet,” said Petra. “He must make you feel very safe.”
Ashleigh laughed. “Sometimes. But other times, like down in the play room, I don’t feel safe at all.”
“You mean, in a good way?” Petra clarified.
“Oh yeah. A very good way. We have a lot of fun down there.”
Petra was extremely curious about Ash and Liam’s thing. They seemed so connected, so in love, even though they were completely different on the surface. For starters, Liam was a big, muscular man, even bigger than Rubio, while Ashleigh was pale and petite. Liam was brainy and social while Ash was more fluttery and shy. She knew they hung out down in the play room all the time, even in Ash’s pregnant state. “So, were you already into that BDSM stuff when you met Liam?” she asked.
“Oh God, no.” Ashleigh covered her face and peeked at her from behind her fingers. “I was traumatized when I realized that was his ‘thing.’ I ended up at one of his Saturday night parties by mistake and...” She paused. “Let’s just say it was eye-opening. Me and Liam had some hard times starting out, a lot of secrets we had to pry out of each other, but it makes all this sweeter, you know? I trust him with everything. My heart, my love, my life. And BDSM is really fun with someone you trust, with someone protective. I mean, you would know. Rubio’s really careful, isn’t he? He plays like he dances. He pushes his partners’ boundaries but always keeps them safe.”
Petra nodded. “He’s great to play with.”
For long minutes the two women relaxed side by side, listening to the nighttime city noise, then Ash massaged her rounded bump. “Be nice, baby girl.”
“She’s kicking you?”
“Yeah. Liam says she’s going to be a dancer.” Both of them laughed at that. “I complain all the time,” Ashleigh said, “but I love being pregnant. I think Liam loves it less. He’s been insufferable, hovering and worrying about me. In a way, your problems are a blessing, because tracking Paulsen provides some other outlet for his nervous energy. Not that I’m happy you’re being stalked.”
“Oh, I know.”
“It’s just...” She bit her lip before she spoke again. “This pregnancy has been really hard for him, and it seems to be getting harder the closer we come to the end.”
“The baby’s due in February?”
“Yeah, just a couple more months. I mean, Liam has his reasons for all this anxiety. Has Rubio told you anything about Liam’s past?”
“Not really.”
“You’re probably too young to remember this, but did you ever hear that story about the welfare mom in L.A. who got postpartum depression and shot all her kids? Well, not all her kids. All but one.” Ash squeezed her hands together, then smoothed them over her belly. “All but Liam. He was twelve at the time.”
Petra stared at her in shock. Liam? Calm, polished, well-spoken Liam? “Oh my God,” she breathed.
“Yeah. So you can imagine he has some anxieties about this pregnancy, and being responsible for such a vulnerable, fragile baby. He’s still resisting it, in some way.”
“What do you mean, resisting?”
“I mean, he’s supportive. He does everything I ask. He’s spoiled me rotten through this whole pregnancy but...I don’t know. I don’t get the feeling he’s excited about the baby. Like, genuinely excited. It’s more like an act he’s putting on to make me happy.” She turned away from Petra, staring off into the distance. “Maybe I shouldn’t have pushed the baby thing.”
“Oh, Ash. He’ll come around. I can’t imagine someone like Liam being a distant father. As soon as he holds that little girl in his arms, he’ll fall head over heels in love. My mother was miserable and angry throughout her entire pregnancy, but she says the moment she held me in her arms, everything changed. Babies are magic like that.”
Ashleigh pressed her fingers into the corners of her eyes.
“Go ahead,” said Petra. “You can cry in front of me. I cried in front of Liam yesterday. We seem to be cool like that.”
Ashleigh giggled and wiped at a stray tear. “I don’t want to cry though. I want to be happy. I know he’ll be a good father. He’ll be a responsible father if only to support me. But if he can’t be close to the baby... Oh, God, how will the baby feel, if she thinks her father doesn’t love her?”
Petra drew her knees up, hugging them to her chest. “I know how she’ll feel. She’ll try really hard to be perfect. She’ll try to earn his love by being as amazing and wonderful as possible...” She gave Ash a crooked smile. “I have some experience in this area.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot about the Grigolyuk thing.”
“I don’t think Liam could ever
be as cold as my father. I know he couldn’t, but even if he was, I turned out okay. Mostly. I think.”
Ashleigh smiled and squeezed her hand. “You turned out great. You’re an amazing person, with or without your father. Grigolyuk is an ass. His art has always been all about technique, no heart. Didn’t it make it awkward for you two, whenever you crossed paths in the business?”
Petra shrugged. “We never crossed paths. I think I was nine or ten years old when I realized he was actively avoiding me. If I knew he’d be at a performance or class, I’d try my damndest to get an invitation, and he wouldn’t show up. Or he’d show up and leave as soon as he realized I was there.”
“Oh, God. I can’t imagine.”
“It made my mother furious. It seemed like she spent her whole life furious and unhappy, all because of my dad. I guess that’s why I’ve been so conflicted about Rubio, about starting up a relationship with him.”
Ashleigh gave her a puzzled look. “What does Rubio have to do with your dad?”
“Everyone calls him this generation’s Grigolyuk.”
“Yeah, in sex appeal and talent, but...” Ash made a face. “Rubio’s no Grigolyuk. He has a heart like a steel trap. Once you’re in there, you’re never getting out. The day he found out I wasn’t going to dance with him anymore, he came storming over here and lit into me. Literally bitched me out and made me cry. The next day he sent flowers with this note...my God. Talk about crying. It was about the good times we’d had together, and our best moments on stage, and how he knew I’d be the best mother in the history of the world—and I know he wrote it because his handwriting’s awful and he writes just the way he speaks.” She was blinking back tears again. “He thought I wouldn’t be his friend anymore. Like that would have been possible. I’ll keep that note until I die. I was glad for him when you came along. I like you two together. You’re a good fit.”
“Do you ever miss ballet?” Petra asked.
“Of course I miss it,” Ash said with a shrug. “But back when I was dancing, I wanted all the things I have now. So when I miss the dancing, I remind myself how much I wanted love, and home, and family, and then the sadness goes away. Sometimes when I see you dancing with Rubio I miss ballet so desperately I almost start bawling, but then Liam takes my hand, or the baby moves inside me, and I know I wouldn’t trade my life for anything.”