It wasn’t a cool night at all, but Sara took the blanket and headed toward the porch. Her and her big mouth. Now Theo was sad, and a million questions swarmed in Sara’s head, questions about relationships and depression, and circus superstitions. When she opened the door, Theo turned to her and all the questions fled. All she could think was, this poor man.
She held out the blanket. “Kelsey sent this for you. In case you were cold.”
He turned his head a little toward her, then away. She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know if he was irritated, or sad, or whether he wanted company right now. She stepped outside anyway and stood beside him, and waited for the appropriate words to come. But the only words that came were, “I’m sorry.”
Theo grunted, his noise that meant I don’t know what to say right now. He opened the blanket and wrapped it around Sara’s shoulders. “You don’t have to be sorry.”
She tried to hand it back to him. “It’s supposed to be for you.”
After some repositioning, they stood within the blanket shoulder to shoulder, each clutching one end. “I don’t know what to say, Theo,” she began. “Except it wasn’t your fault.”
He gave a short, bitter laugh. “Everyone says that, but it was partly my fault. I wasn’t attentive. I didn’t care for her feelings. I was too much her Master and not enough her friend.” He drew in a great, halting breath. “That is the thing, you know, with power exchange. You can’t wander too far from the heart. People try, but...” He squeezed her hand under the blanket and let it go. “I doubt you’ll get to stay in Paris, ma brillante. It’s not meant to be.”
“Why do you call me that? Ma brillante?”
“Because of your eyes. They are brilliant blue, non? So unexpected.” He blinked at her, then looked away. “You remind me so much of Minya sometimes. You look so much like her, but she didn’t have your eyes. You are happy, Sara?”
“Yes.”
“Jason makes you happy? If he doesn’t, you have to tell him. Don’t be so submissive that you lose yourself.”
She made a sound of agreement past the tightness in her throat. “I won’t lose myself.”
“You know, you must follow your own path. Make your own way. Jason will come to you. He’ll come to Vegas, or wherever you end up. He won’t mind leaving his job.”
“He shouldn’t have to,” she said with an edge of impatience. “Maybe it’s time to let go of this tragedy. Time to let Minya’s ghost rest. I’m here, and you, and many trapezists who could delight Paris for years to come. Because of her, we can’t go up there?”
Theo gazed at her, his eyes liquid dark in the night. “Really, you are not very much like Minya. You are stronger than she was. Stronger here.” He touched a finger to her heart. “You came out of Mongolia all alone, with nothing, to join the biggest circus in the world. You put up with your unpleasant trapeze partner, day in, day out, and choose the most rigid Master to serve. And you are not afraid of Lemaitre, are you?”
“No, I’m not afraid of him. But I don’t think he likes me.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Whenever I see him, he frowns at me. He frowns when he watches our act. He never talks to me. I wonder sometimes if he’s disappointed he asked me to come.”
“He’s not disappointed, I promise. He just knows you belong to Jason.” He chuckled. “He has an affinity for exotic young beauties, so be careful. Stay close to Jason when we’re at le Citadel.”
She turned to Theo in surprise. “We’re still going?”
“Of course we are. Do you think I haven’t noticed you fidgeting out of your skin with anticipation? Just because you ask rude questions about my past and depress everyone, it doesn’t mean we can’t still go out and have fun.”
She’d been prepared to go home with Jason and endure a punishment for ruining the dinner. Going to the club would be so much better. “Thanks, Theo,” she said. “I’m glad you’re my coach. I’ll miss you when you go back to Marseille. Kelsey too.”
“Oh, we’ll be around,” he said, waving a hand. “Sometimes we come to Paris only to visit the original Citadel. It’s the biggest, best one. There’s dancing and lights, music, free drinks, and an entire back hallway of special, private rooms.” He waggled his eyebrows. “And they are for exactly what you think.”
* * * * *
Jason tried not to be exasperated with Sara. He understood that a lot of her missteps were due to cultural reasons. In Mongolia, people got in each other’s business. Whole families lived in one-room structures, so they watched out for each other, and demanded explanations when things were off.
Still, if she didn’t let the trapeze thing drop, he was going to beat her naughty little ass until she couldn’t sit for a goddamn week. Hashing over the Minya thing made everyone unhappy, and each time she talked about staying in Paris to do trapeze, the scab was torn off anew.
At least Theo didn’t hold a grudge. By the time he and Sara returned to the kitchen, he was smiling and Sara was out-of-her-mind excited to leave for the Citadel. It was hard to stay mad at her when she was so enthused. Jason, Theo, and Kelsey were hardened attendees by now, but it was fun to see it through a newbie’s eyes. As Kelsey said, they all remembered their first times. Kelsey’s first time, she’d gotten so drunk she went up to Le Maître—while he was in full character and fetish gear—and flirted with his “pets.” She’d cooed over them and scratched behind their ears like they were really pets, while Theo looked on in horror.
They told the story to Sara on the way over, painting a picture until she doubled over with laughter, tottering on her heels.
“I’ll try to remember not to do that,” she said, taking Kelsey’s hand. “Just stay by me, and tell me if I’m about to mess up.”
The two girls walked hand in hand the rest of the way. It was sweet. Kind of hot, although he knew Sara did it in complete innocence, because Kelsey was easy to talk to and because they were close in age. Sweet, happy women, and behind them, their perverse other halves dreaming of sexual bedlam.
“They’d be pretty in bed together, eh?” said Theo under his breath.
“Or tied to a bed together.”
“Or put in a cage together. Have to give each other orgasms before they could come out.”
Jason laughed. “You always have to one-up me. Anyway, I thought Kelsey was straight?”
“She’s as straight as I want her to be. She’s been with women.” His perverse grin deepened. “She does what I like, which is why I love her so much. Is Sara bisexual?”
“We’ve never talked about it, but she’s generally open to new things.”
“Nice to have those types of slaves.”
“Yep.”
“But also dangerous, at a place like le Citadel. Don’t give her too much to drink this first time.”
Jason had no intention of letting Sara get shit faced, and he wouldn’t be drinking much either. Drinks were free because no one went overboard with them. Most people didn’t go to the Citadel to get shit-faced. When you stepped through the doors, it was all about the rush of sensual, hedonistic physicality. So many bodies, all of them healthy and athletic. So many creative, unfettered minds. It was a heady combination...and it was Saturday night.
The doorman waved them in, and Sara accepted earplugs from Theo and Kelsey as they navigated through the crowds outside the coat room to the pounding, smoky heart of the club. The bar was on one side, and a raised platform dominated the other. The evening’s festivities were already in full swing. Revelers writhed and jumped on the dance floor amidst the fake smog and lights, many of them barely dressed. Clothing grew more optional as the night wore on. When Le Maître arrived, people would move to the back rooms to play, although you only entered the Back Room—the main dungeon—at his invitation.
Later on, Jason would take Sara back and show her the tamer play rooms, maybe even scene with her a little. He was eager to show off his beautiful slave, in her ivory corset that complemented her skin tone to
perfection. He preferred her naked in his bedroom, but here, he wanted to let her shine.
As Jason expected, Sara took two sips of her drink and lost interest, distracted by all the activity going on around her. “May I go dance? Please?” she asked.
The four of them headed to the dance floor in a group. Jason saw women he knew, women who’d submitted to him before, but the company rumor mill had done its work connecting him with Sara, and none of them approached him. Theo and Kelsey were an established couple and they stayed in each other’s arms, tuning out everything else. Sara was less focused, but that was okay.
She leaned close so he could hear her over the music. “Thanks for bringing me here.”
He ran his fingers up her waist, tracing the bones of the corset beneath her dress. “It’s my pleasure. Are you having fun? You look happy.”