How do I look Megan in the eye next week and say of course we’re only friends. Even friends with benefits doesn’t cover it. I’m falling for you and I need to be pulling back, not stepping into a deeper mire.
‘Ally, relax. Everyone’s aware you’re moving on and I’m staying put. Jerome thought it would be more comfortable for you to go with me as there will be others there you haven’t met. That’s all there is to it.’
‘You’re ignoring that couple word.’ Didn’t it bother him? Because he was so comfortable in his life that he thought it ludicrous to even consider he was in a relationship?
Flynn set his glass carefully on the bench and ran his fingertip over her lips. ‘Sure I am. It was the wrong word to use. We’ve spent a lot of time together since you turned up on the beach that first day. You’ve given me something special, and I’m going to miss you, but we’ve both known right from that first kiss that whatever we have between us would never be long-term. I don’t care what anyone else thinks. It’s no one’s business.’
Where was the relief when she needed it? Flynn had saved her a lot of hassle by saying what they had going was a short-term thing. But the reality hurt. A lot. In her tummy, especially in her heart. Her head said the best thing for everyone was that she’d be leaving. Her heart said she should stay and see if she could make a go of a relationship with Flynn and his son.
‘Ally? Would you please come to the barbecue with me as my partner for the night?’ When she didn’t answer he added, ‘People know we’ve been seeing each other—going out for meals, taking Adam to the beach and other places. It’s not as though this is going to be a shock for them or the source of any gossip.’ He drew a breath and continued. ‘I want this last week with you.’ His smile was soft and yet determined. It arrowed right into her chest, stabbed her heart.
And made everything even more complicated.
How could she say no when she wanted it, too? In the end it was Flynn who’d be left to face any gossip. In the end it would be agony to leave him whether she went out with him again or not. She had to grab whatever she could and stack up the memories for later. ‘I’d love to go with you,’ she said quietly.
The days were flying by and Ally was withdrawing from him. Flynn hated it. Sure, she still came home with him for the night, but there seemed to be a barrier growing up between her and them as a twosome. She’d already begun moving on in her mind. There, he’d said it. He’d started denying the fact she would be leaving soon, even when it was there in black and white on the noticeboard in this office. Kat would return home on Friday—tomorrow. She’d take over the reins on Saturday and Ally would leave the island and head for her next job. He knew all that. He’d signed the contract with Ally’s employers.
But knowing and facing up to what her leaving truly meant were entirely different. He refused to admit the other half of his bed would be cold and empty again. Wouldn’t contemplate sitting down to an evening meal with only Adam for company. Daren’t think how he’d fill in the weekends without her laughter and eagerness for fun pulling him along.
‘That needs photocopying so the hospital in Melbourne have records.’ Ally dropped a file beside Megan. ‘Hey, Flynn, got a minute?’
‘Of course.’ Always got hours for you. Had he been hasty in thinking she was putting space between them? Did she have a plan for what they might do on her last nights?
‘I’m concerned about Chrissie.’
So much for plans and hot farewells. ‘Come into my office.’ He nodded at the patients sitting in the waiting room.
Ally got the message. ‘Sure.’ The moment she stepped inside his room she spun to face him. ‘Chrissie’s doing great physically. But she’s got attached to me already and that’s not good. She says she doesn’t want to see Kat.’
‘Strange. Kat gets on with everyone.’ Like Ally. ‘Did she give a reason?’
‘Something about Kat’s sister and Chrissie being rivals at school.’ Ally shrugged those shoulders he’d spent a long time kissing last night. ‘I was wondering if you could see her, maybe talk sense into her. I’ve explained that Kat would never tell her sister a single thing about the pregnancy, but Chrissie’s not wearing it.’
‘I’ll talk to Chrissie, maybe with Angela there.’ But he wondered how much of this had to do with Kat and how much was due to the way Chrissie had taken to Ally. ‘You handled the situation very tactfully and sympathetically at a time when Chrissie was beside herself with worry. This could be about her not wanting you to leave.’ He didn’t want her going. Adam wouldn’t, either.
A soft sigh crossed Ally’s lips. ‘There’s not much I can do about that. I am going.’
‘I know.’ All too well. ‘Do you ever get tired of moving on?’
Her eyes met his and she seemed to draw a breath before answering. ‘No. It’s how I live and there’s a certain simplicity to not owning a house or a truckload of furniture or even a carful of clothes.’ She looked away.
Flynn couldn’t read her. He wanted to know if she felt sad about leaving him, or happy about another job done and their affair coming to an end. But as he started to ask his heart knocked so hard against his ribs he gasped. I love her. I love Ally Parker. I’m not wondering any more. I know. Asking her about her feelings just became impossible. She might ask some questions in return, questions he still wasn’t ready to answer.
So he continued to study her while not being able to lock gazes with her, and he thought he saw no regret in her stance, her face or her big eyes. So Ally hadn’t come to love him in the way he had her. Pain filled him, blurred his vision for a moment. Rocked him to the core. How could he have fallen in love with Ally? He’d never believed he’d love again, and yet it only taken a few short weeks. Had it happened that first day when Sheba had dumped her on the beach?
Ally’s soft voice cut through his mind like a well-honed blade. ‘I’d better get a move on. I’m going to weigh Jacob this morning.’
He watched her retreating back, his hands curled into fists to stop from reaching after her. So much for thinking she might reciprocate his feelings. It wasn’t going to be at all difficult for her to walk away.
Ally stayed in the shower until she heard Flynn and Adam leave for their walk on the beach with Sheba. She’d cried off, saying she had a headache. That was no lie. Behind her eyes her skull pounded like a bongo drum. Her hands trembled as she towelled herself dry. Her knees knocked as she tried to haul her jeans up her legs. It was Saturday.
‘Goodbye, Flynn.’ She hiccupped around the solid lump of pain in her throat. ‘Bye-bye, Adam. Be a good boy for your dad.’ I will not cry. I don’t cry. Ever.
Reaching out blindly, she snatched a handful of tissues and blew her nose hard, scrubbed at her eyes. One glance at her hands and she knew it’d be a waste of time trying to apply make-up. ‘Go plain Jane today.’ What did it matter anyway? It wasn’t as though she’d be seeing Flynn.
Tears threatened and she took as deep a breath as possible. ‘Suck it up, be tough, get through the day. Tomorrow will look a whole heap better.’
Now she’d taken to lying to herself. But if it got her out of the house and on the road before Flynn and Adam returned, then it was the right thing to do.
Yesterday she’d packed up her few possessions and the bags sat in the boot of the medical centre’s car. The key to Kat’s flat was back under the flowerpot on the top step, her contact details written on a pad inside in case she’d left anything behind. Now all she had to do was drive to the surgery to dump the car and be on her way.
But she turned the car in the direction of Marie’s house. ‘One last cuddle with Jacob.’ So much for leaving unobtrusively. But she couldn’t bring herself to turn away yet.
Marie opened her front door before Ally had time to knock. ‘Hey, you’re out and about early.’
‘Yeah, thought I’d see everything’s okay with you.’
‘Come in. Want a coffee?’ Marie headed for the kitchen. ‘Jacob’s just gone down.’
‘Then I probably should carry on.’
There was already a mug of steaming coffee on the bench and Marie poured another without waiting to see if Ally wanted it. ‘We had a good night. Jacob only woke four times.’ She grinned.
‘How do you manage to look so good after that?’ Ally paced back and forth.
‘Mark’s coming home today.’ Marie slid the mug in Ally’s direction. ‘Excuse me for being blunt but you look terrible. What’s up?’
‘Nothing.’ She tried to shrug, but her shoulders were too heavy.
‘Ally, I don’t know you well, but something’s not right. Has Flynn done something wrong?’
‘No. Not at all.’ She’d gone and fallen in love with him, but that didn’t make him a bad man. She was the fool.
‘Good, I’d have been surprised. He thinks the world of you and would do anything for you. Apart from that hiccup the day Jacob was born.’
Coming here had been a mistake. ‘I’d better go. I’ve to be somewhere. Thanks for the coffee.’ Which she hadn’t even tried. ‘I’ll see myself out.’
‘Don’t go,’ Marie called.
Ally shut the door behind herself and ran to the car.
A taxi dropped her off at the ferry terminal half an hour later. Once on board she found an empty seat out of the way of the happy hordes and pushed her earbuds in, turned up the music on her music player and pretended all was right with her world. Except it wasn’t, as proved by the onset of deep sobs that began racking her body as the ferry pulled out. Her fingers dug into the palms of her hands and she squeezed her eyes tight against the cascade of tears.
Someone tapped her knee. ‘Here. Have these.’ An older woman sitting opposite handed her a pack of tissues.
‘Th-thanks,’ she managed, before the next wave of despair overtook her.
Flynn. I love you so much it’s painful.
Flynn. What I wouldn’t give to feel your arms around me one more time.
Flynn. I had to go. It wouldn’t have worked.
For every wipe at her face more tears came, drenching the front of her jersey. ‘I love you, Flynn Reynolds,’ she whispered. Shudders racked her body from her shoulders all the way down to her feet.