I want what Marie’s got. Shivers ran through her and her skin lifted in goose-bumps. No. I can’t, don’t, won’t.
Straightening up, she slapped away the tears and returned to her patient. Marie was still talking to Mark and didn’t seem to notice her return. Had she seen her leave?
Then Marie was pushing again and this time there was no relief. Baby was coming and Ally prepared for it. ‘The head’s out. Here come the shoulders. That’s it. Nice and gentle now.’ She spoke louder so Mark could hear everything. Her hands were under the baby’s head, ready for any sudden rush as the baby slid out into its new world. And then, ‘Here he is, a beautiful boy. Oh, he’s a sweetheart.’
Her heart stuttered. She’d called Adam a sweetheart earlier. It was one thing to say that about a baby she wouldn’t be seeing much of, but Adam? He was wriggling into her heart without trying and soon she’d have to say goodbye.
‘Can I hold him?’ Marie asked impatiently, reaching out.
‘In a moment. The APGAR score’s normal.’ Ally gently wiped away vernix, mucus and blood spots from his sweet little face.
‘Give him to me, give him to me. Mark, we’ve got a boy. He’s gorgeous. Looks like his dad.’
Ally rolled her eyes as she placed the baby on Marie’s swollen breasts. ‘I need him back in a moment to weigh him.’
Mark was yelling out to his crewmates, ‘It’s a boy. I’m a dad.’ And then he was crying. ‘Wish I was with you, babe. Tell me everything, every last detail. Are we still going to name him Jacob?’
‘Well, I can’t name him after our midwife so I guess so. I think it suits him.’ Marie was laughing and crying and drinking in the sight of her son lying over her breast.
‘Here comes the placenta.’ Ally clamped it and cut the cord. ‘I need to examine you once more, then I’ll cover you up and let you talk to Mark alone for a bit.’ Adam would be getting lonely out in the lounge. She’d make him a bite to eat, poor kid.
Her examination showed a small tear. ‘You need a couple of stitches. Nothing major,’ she added when worry entered Marie’s eyes. ‘It often happens in fast deliveries.’
‘Right.’ Marie went back to talking to Mark, the worry gone already.
Ally quietly went about retaking Jacob’s APGAR score. His appearance and complexion were good. Counting his pulse, she tried not to listen in to the conversation going on between Jacob’s parents, concentrating on the sweet bundle of new life. Her heart swelled even as a snag of envy caught her again. She could have it all if only she found the right man. Flynn instantly popped up in her head. Losing count, she started taking Jacob’s pulse again, this time totally concentrating and pushing a certain someone out of her skull.
‘Pulse one hundred and ten. Good.’ She flicked lightly on Jacob’s fingers, watched as he immediately curled them tight. ‘Reflex good, as is his activity.’ His little legs were moving slowly against his mother’s skin, and she couldn’t resist running a finger down one leg. He hadn’t done more than give a low gasp but his chest was rising and falling softly. So his respiratory effort was okay. Ally wrote down her obs and then dealt with the tear while Marie carried on talking.
She found Adam in the lounge, despondently pushing a wooden bulldozer around the floor. He leapt up the instant he saw her with the rubbish bag. ‘Ally, has the baby come?’
‘Yes, and it’s a little boy.’
Adam stared up at her. ‘Can I see him now?’
‘I can’t see why not.’ She took his hand and walked down to Marie’s room, saying to the new mum, ‘You’ve got your first visitor.’ And then her heart squeezed.
Marie was cuddling her precious bundle and trying to put him on the breast. ‘I hope Jacob takes to this easily.’
‘Don’t rush. It takes time to get the hang of it.’ She went to help position Jacob.
Marie smiled down at her boy. Then looked up. ‘Hello, Adam, want to see Jacob? Come round the bed so you can see his face. Isn’t he beautiful?’
‘Can I hold him?’ Adam hopped from foot to foot and Ally saw the hesitancy in Marie’s expression.
‘Not today. He’s all soft and needs careful holding. But tomorrow you can. He’ll be stronger then.’
Adam stood close to Marie and stared at the baby. Slowly he placed one hand very carefully on his tiny arm and stroked it. His mouth widened into a smile. ‘Hello, baby.’
Ally’s eyes watered up. She’d never forget this moment. Adam’s amazement, Marie’s love, Jacob so tiny and cute. She’d seen it before, often, but today it was definitely different. Not because she’d begun to see herself in Marie’s place, holding her own precious bundle of joy. Definitely not because of that.
She stood there, unable to take her gaze away from the scene, unable to move across to the towels that needed to be put into a bag for the laundry company. Just absorbing everything, as though it was her first delivery. The incredible sense of having been a part of a miracle swamped her. Could I do this? Give birth myself? Having a baby wasn’t the issue. She’d be fine with that. But everything after the moment she held that baby in her arms—that was the problem. Did she have mothering instincts? Or had she inherited her mother’s total lack of interest when it came to her own child, her own flesh and blood?
She couldn’t afford to find out. It wouldn’t be fair on her baby if she got it wrong.
‘Marie, you certainly don’t waste time when you decide you’re ready to have your baby.’ Flynn strode into the room and came to an abrupt halt. ‘Adam, what are you doing in here?’
CHAPTER TEN
‘DAD!’ ADAM JUMPED up and down. ‘Marie’s got a new baby. I think it hurt her.’
‘What?’ Flynn spun around, his face horrified, and demanded, ‘How does he know that?’
Ally stepped up to him. ‘Adam did not see the birth, if that’s what you’re thinking.’
‘Then explain his comment.’
Ally backed away from the anger glittering at her. ‘He asked why he couldn’t come in here and I said that having a baby is private and sometimes it hurts a little.’ She had not done anything wrong.
Marie was staring at Flynn like she’d never met him before. ‘For goodness’ sake. Do you think either of us would’ve allowed him in here while I was giving birth? Seriously?’
Flynn shoved a hand through his hair, mussing it up, except this time that didn’t turn Ally on one little bit. ‘I guess not.’
‘Dad, I helped Ally. I got water and the heater.’
Flynn’s mouth tightened.
Ally told him, ‘Adam left everything outside the door. The closed door.’ Why can’t he see the pride shining in his son’s eyes? She ran a hand over Adam’s head. ‘My little helper.’
Flynn flinched. ‘Sorry for jumping to conclusions, everyone.’ He was starting to look a little guilty. ‘I never did do anything about making alternative arrangements for this eventuality.’ He gave Marie a rueful smile. ‘Now can I meet Jacob?’
Reluctantly Marie handed the baby over. ‘Only for a minute. I don’t like letting him out of my arms.’
Ally watched Flynn’s face soften as he peered into the soft blue blanket with its precious bundle, and felt her heart lurch so hard it hurt. There was so much love and wonder in his expression she knew he was seeing Adam the day he’d been born. It was a timely reminder that she didn’t have a place in his life.
Spinning around, she shoved the baby’s notes at Marie. ‘I’ll make that coffee I promised.’ Like when?
Marie was quick, grabbing her hand to stop her tearing out of the room. Her eyes were full of understanding. ‘White with two sugars.’ She nodded and let Ally go.
Thank you for not outing me.
Flynn was oblivious anyway, so engrossed in Jacob that it was as though no one else was in the room.
When she returned with three coffees he was reading the notes and only grunted, ‘Thanks,’ at her. Guess he’d finally worked out where his loyalties truly lay, and they weren’t with her.
&nb
sp; Ally asked Marie, ‘Is there anything you want me to do? Washing? Get some groceries in?’
Flynn answered before Marie could open her mouth. ‘No need. Marie’s mother will be here soon.’
Marie gaped at him. ‘Tell me you didn’t phone her.’
Colour crept into Flynn’s cheeks and another dash of guilt lowered his eyebrows and darkened his eyes. He was having a bad afternoon. ‘With Mark at sea for another week, you need someone here. Who better than your mother?’
‘You know the answer to that,’ Marie growled. ‘Ring her back and tell her to turn around.’