“You decide if you're gonna' keep it?” Melanie looked at Jessie.
“I can't,” she replied.
“Then when are you going to... you know?”
“It's hard. It's not an easy thing to do. I'm doing it because I can't look after a baby on my own. Still, it's not so easy to just go ahead and do it,” Jessie explained.
“You got college to think about,” Melanie added with sincere concern.
“I know,” Jessie replied with a sigh.
They hadn't walked far when Melanie stopped in her tracks and faced Jessie in the dim light with a sullen look on her face.
“You know, I've always envied you, Jessie,” she confessed.
“Envied me? I thought you hated me.” Jessie was shocked by her coworker's admission.
“Nah, it ain't hate. I just seen how well you were doing with your schooling and everything. We come from the same place, but you're doing something with your life. When you get your degree and you leave this place, I'll be growing old at that damn diner.”
“No you won't, Melanie. You've just got to think bigger,” Jessie replied reassuringly.
“You mean like you?”
“Something like that,” Jessie shrugged and looked down at her belly. “Although look at where all of my thinking got me.”
“Shit, girl, you right. Not about you getting knocked-up. That shit happens all the time to ghetto girls like us. I mean, like, about thinking bigger. Maybe not John Harwood big, though. That white fool sure did get one over on you,” Melanie said, pointing at Jessie's stomach.
“It could have happened to anyone. With anyone. Billionaire or no billionaire. I just screwed up and let my guard down. I was wrong about him. He made me feel like... he told me that...” Jessie trailed off, lost in her own disjointed thought.
“That he loved you?” Melanie asked.
“He never used the words, but if it wasn't love then he sure as shit is a good actor,” Jessie confided as she felt her heart sink.
“You fell in love him, didn't you?” Melanie stood staring at Jessie, a look of sympathy on her face that hinted she, too, had once fallen for a man who had chewed her up and spit her out.
Jessie didn't answer.
“Don't worry, child. I haven't told a soul. Whatever you decide to do, I'll support you.”
Jessie smiled affectionately at her new friend, her eyes beginning to tear up. “Thank you, Melanie. I don't have anyone else to turn to. I'm… I'm so scared.”
“I know you are. And I realized the moment you got fired what a total bitch I've been to you. It wasn't fair of me. I know I can be overly jealous, but what's happened to you is, well, it's too much,” Melanie opened up, her eyes beginning to water as well.
“I can't blame the pregnancy on you, as much as I'd like to.” Jessie gave a weak laugh.
“I take it you ain't heard nothing from John?”
“Not a word. The last thing I knew he was in Italy,” Jessie replied in a mumble while wiping her eyes with her sleeves.
“Well, shit, everyone knows that,” Melanie said flippantly.
“What do you mean, everyone? Why would everyone know that?”
Melanie's mouth dropped open and her brow raised in disbelief. “Didn't you hear about Kimberly Harwood's accident in Italy?”
Jessie turned to face her. A large van trundled by, causing a gust of wind to blow down the street and sending shivers coursing through her entire body. She pulled her sweater tightly around her as she pleadingly looked at Melanie for further explanation.
"Well? Was John involved? Is he okay?” Jessie's voice was slow and measured despite her concern.
“He's fine, Jessie. You need to catch up on the celebrity news. I thought you knew, and that's why you were gonna' have an abortion.”
“I don't understand. What does Kimberly's accident have to do with me?” Jessie asked in confusion.
“Because John Harwood supposedly hasn't left her side.” Melanie explained. “It was a mountain expedition or some shit. John was out with a group of people on some mountain slope, and Kim tried to surprise him by following him and meeting up with the group. Only problem was, the dumb bitch hired a guide who knew less about hiking up a damn mountain than she did. She was trying to track John down to declare her love for him and win him back or something. All I know is she got hurt after falling off a rock, I think it was. Jesus, girl, how have you not heard about this? It was a pretty big story a few days ago. I haven't heard nothing' about it in the last day or two, so I have no idea what's going on right now.”
Jessie shook her head in disbelief, trying hard to process the incredible story she'd just heard. Why was Kimberly Harwood trying to win back the affection of her husband if she had told that obnoxious interviewer everything was peachy between them? She had stated that right before leaving for Italy, so something wasn't adding up, and she suspected Melanie had simply relayed the incident incorrectly.
“I haven't had time to follow the news in a while.” Jessie said, staring off into nothing as she spoke. “All I've done is study, work, and go to sleep. I wanted to try to forget all about him. But, wait. If he's been by her bedside the entire time, that means...”
“That he still loves her? I'm sorry, Jessie.” Melanie studied Jessie's face, trying to gauge how much comforting the girl would need after hearing this heart-wrenching news.
Jessie smiled and tried to shake off the growing feeling of pain in her heart. “It's fine. At least I know where I stand, right? It just makes the decision to get rid of the baby that much easier.”
“Jessie, I...”
“Look, Melanie, isn't that your bus?” Jessie interrupted her. “You better get across the road and stop it.”
“Yeah, I guess you're right,” Melanie replied, looking both ways and crossing quickly. The bus was approaching fast. “I'll see you tomorrow!” Melanie shouted, cupping her hands around her mouth in an attempt to heighten the volume of her voice. The loud bus pulled up in front of her, obscuring her from Jessie who stood on the other side of the road, still bewildered by the news of Kimberly Harwood's accident.
A few blocks later, Jessie found herself seated on the familiar bench of her own bus stop and staring down at the ground while mulling over how crazy her life had become. She had met and instantly fallen in love with a celebrity. A billionaire celebrity, at that, and a hair over one week later they had unprotected sex that left her with child. It seemed surreal, but it had actually happened and now her life was in shambles. She would have definitely considered keeping the baby if she had John's support. Jessie knew damn well that if she tried raising the baby without his help, she'd wind up just another statistic. A young, black woman with a child whose father wasn't in the picture. With a part-time job and no family to help her out, there's no way she'd be able to finish college. She'd be like so many of the neighborhood girls she grew up with who never achieved their dreams thanks to the broken promises of manipulative men. The blame wasn't solely on the guys, either. The fault was also on these girls for falling for the same old lines. Jessie had always prided herself in being smarter than that, yet in the end it turned out she wasn't.
From somewhere outside her growing cloud of despair, Jessie heard the rumbling of the oncoming bus, and with a blank downwards stare began walking towards the curb. Each step brought her closer to the street and closer to a possible solution to the problems she was facing. It would be a permanent solution, that much was definite, but she felt so lost and empty inside that it seemed to be her best option. She had screwed up her life beyond repair, and had become one of the women she'd fought so hard not to be. She didn't even have the money for an abortion, and even if she did manage to scrounge up the cash, would she ever be able to live with herself if she went through with it? These thoughts rushed through her mind as she stepped off the curb and blindly into the street.
Jessie was snapped out of her depressed daze by the sound of a horn blaring mixed with somebody shouting wildly. The sounds were
coming from two opposing directions, and Jessie quickly identified the horn as belonging to the large truck she had confused with her bus. A split second later she recognized the sound of someone repeatedly screaming her name, and turned her head to see an SUV parked just down the street with a man leaning out the window.
“Jessie! Jessie! Stop! Jessie!”
It was Burt, and at the sight of him Jessie quickly hopped back onto the curb as the truck whizzed by, her heart racing as the reality of what she was about to do came crashing down on her. With her adrenaline pumping and her head spinning, she barely felt the firm hands wrap around her shoulders. Burt had bolted from his vehicle at a breakneck speed and had reached her within seconds. As her mind cleared, she looked at him in shame, humiliated by her own selfish actions.
“What the hell are you doing?” Burt barked at her, winded from his short sprint down the street. She took in the familiar smell of his cigarette brand and could smell the fried food on his clothes as well. “You want to kill yourself or what?”