Poisoned.
Finn and I hadn’t left the hospital in over two days. We slept upright, propped up against each other in chairs. We held each other out not just physically but emotionally. We were beyond tired and I could tell the stress was weighing on him just as much as it was weighing on me. He loved Critter like a father and I loved Critter before even if he was my father.
I found myself mentally chanting please wake up please make up please wake up. Every time the machine beeped, my hopes would soar, thinking that it was a sign he was waking up.
And every time my hopes were dashed when he didn’t.
“No matter what we’re going to get through this together,” Finn said. I loved how he was trying to comfort me when he was feeling the same despair I was. “Do you want to go get something to eat? It’s been awhile since you’ve had anything.”
I shook my head. “No. I’m just going to stay right here. With him.” I brought my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around my legs.
“You know, staring at him like a line in the water, waiting for something happen isn’t going to make him get better any faster,” Finn said, trying to coax a smile from me.
I kept my eyes on Critter. “I just want him to wake up.”
“You heard the doctor. He’s got a fighting shot. He strong. He’ll make it through. I know he will,” Finn said and either he was a really good actor or he truly believed what he was saying.
“How can you be so sure?” I asked, feeling my eyes grow heavier and heavier. Feeling the lump in my throat and heart swell with each passing second.
Finn slid out of his chair and knelt before me. “Remember when we had a conversation about faith? I believe you told me that the dictionary defined it as ‘the belief in something based on spiritual apprehension rather than proof.”
I nodded. Although killed me to tear my eyes away from Critter’s resting body for even a moment, I knew I wanted to look down at Finn. I didn’t need to just hear what he was trying to tell me. I needed to FEEL it.
He gathered my hands in his. “That’s why I am sure he’s going to pull through. I don’t believe in much. But I have faith in him. That man has waited a long time to be with his family. Trust me. He ain’t leaving you now.”
“He always was a stubborn ox.”
Finn and I both looked to the door where my mother was being wheeled in by Maddy. “Mo…Hi,” I corrected. There was a clarity about her but I wanted to veer on the side of caution so I stop myself from calling her mom.
Maddy wheeled her up to Critters bed then stepped out of the room, standing guard by the door.
With tears in her eyes my mother held out her hand to me. “Come here, baby. Come sit with your mother for a while.”
I hadn’t ever heard my mother sound that strong, that clear.
Was this temporary? Was she back? My thoughts, stomach, and mind tumbled together wreaking havoc on my heartbeat.
For a moment, I just stood there. Staring. Gawking. It was like she wasn’t even the same woman. My mother wiggled her outstretched fingers. “I’ve got you now. I promise.”
It was those words that broke whatever barrier was still holding me back from my mother. I felt an immediate rush of overwhelming elation. Of peace. The invisible chain of our mother daughter bond was being repaired link with every step I took toward her. I could feel it in my bones.
In my heart.
Finn stepped aside so I could kneel next to my mother, but that wasn’t close enough for her. She reached over and tugged on my arm. “Come here,” she said, pulling me down onto her lap. She lifted my feet over the edge of her wheelchair and cradled me like a baby. I lost it. Sobbing into my mother’s white blouse as she brushed the hair back from my forehead. I sobbed out my job. My frustration. My confusion. My love. She whispered to me how much she loved me as I gave her all the tears I’d been holding back my entire life.
After I’d settled down I stayed there on my mother’s lap and together we watched Critter’s chest rise and fall with the help of the machines.
“I’ll let you two have some time alone,” Finn said, excusing himself.
My mother stopped him before he could get to the door. “Are you the young man my daughter is so desperately in love with?” The question made my insides smile. It was the same way I felt visiting Finn’s parents. Like, this was the way things should’ve been all along. With just a few words my mother was telling me she was not just my mother again, but the mother she’d always wanted to be.
I felt stronger because of her. I wanted to BE stronger because of her.
Finn smiled. He appeared completely unaffected by her comment while even my insides were blushing.
“Yes, ma’am. That would be me.” Finn said. “It’s nice to officially meet you, ma’am. Although, I guess we’ve met before. It’s been a lot of years.”
My mother nodded. “It has been a lot of years. You’ve grown a bit since the last time I’ve saw you,” my mother teased, but her voice remained sad and heavy.
“Just a little, I suppose.”
I crawled off my mother and took a chair next to her. She linked her hand with mine like she’d done it a million times. I looked down at where our hands were connected and I still couldn’t believe it was all real. “You used to steal her sunflowers,” I said to Finn, recalling what my mother had told me during our first conversation.
“He sure did,” she confirmed.
“I guess all of my secrets are out now,” Finn said, rocking back on his heels.
“Critter is very happy that you and Sawyer found each other,” my mother said, looking between Finn and Critter.
He was?
Finn’s smile was a sad one. “That’s nice to hear. The last conversation we had about me and Sawyer ended with him telling me that he was gonna…well, we don’t need to get into it here let’s just say it ends with me in parts.”
“He threatened you?” I asked, both shocked and secretly elated that Critter was so protective over me when he’d known Finn his entire life and had only met me a few months before.
“Of course,” Finn said, leaning against the wall. “That’s what good fathers do to protect their daughters. I’d expect nothing less than the threat of an ass-kicking every other week at the very least.”
My mother looked over to Critter. “He’ll live to threaten another day. Because just like you, Finn, I have faith that he is going to pull through. I can feel it.” She placed her hand over her chest.
Finn excused himself again to the cafeteria where he told me he was going to get me some food whether I liked it or not.
“Two-decades and this still isn’t over yet,” my mother sighed. “But it needs to be over. It needs to end now.” There was a determination in her eyes when she said out loud the thoughts I’d been thinking all along.
My mother continued and I found myself nodding along to everything she was saying. I grew angrier and angrier with each sentence she spoke. “After all these years one man has still found a way to terrorize this family, despite all he’s already put us through. It’s still not enough. Keeping me against my will wasn’t enough. Threatening my family wasn’t good enough. Poisoning my husband…” she paused and composed herself. “It’s the final straw. I’m tired of standing by and doing nothing. He’s not going to stop. It will never be enough.” Her voice trailed off. “It will never be enough until we’re all dead.”
“And yet there doesn’t seem to be a single thing we can do about it.” I said, my frustrations bubbling up to the surface all over again.
“Or maybe, there is,” she whispered, the corner of her lip turning upward in a half smile. She took a deep breath and suddenly stood up from her wheelchair. I leapt up, half-expecting to have to catch her if she fell. But she didn’t fall. She straightened her shoulders and walked over to Critter’s beside like a queen ready to take care of the kingdom while the King was temporarily unable. She lifted his hand into hers and kissed it before covering it with her other ha
nd.
This was a woman whose will, who’s very being had been burnt to ashes and yet here she was, ready to fight for her family. The determination radiating off her was almost tangible. I felt proud. I felt my own resolve to fight build from within me all over again.
For the first time in a long time I had a feeling that everything was okay. I guess you could even say that I had faith. And just maybe it was because of that faith that a deep voice bellowed from the bed behind me.
“What in the hell is all the fuss about?”
Chapter 17