"That must have been rough."
"I grew numb to it after a while. It was the only life I knew. There were days that I'd sit in my room and feel guilty for wanting to leave. For wanting a different life. I thought it was selfish and that by not putting others before myself I was the biggest sinner of them all. And now I know how brave and selfless she was. Maybe I was the biggest sinner after all."
Finn laid down next to me facing sideways with his head on the pillow and his hand on my waist. "But you did put others before yourself. You stayed, didn't you? For your mom? She stayed for you and you stayed for her. She wasn't the only brave one. You were both brave. For one another."
"You think so?"
"Say, we're all selfish in some way. It's human nature. I'm selfish because I claimed you before you had a chance to experience this world and find someone better. Think about it this way. If I wasn't the selfish prick I am, we wouldn't even be together." He cupped my face in his hand. "But it doesn't matter. Because I'm never letting you go."
Finn climbed over me, trailing kisses down my body past my belly button then lower and lower still. The entire time between kisses and nips he repeated his earlier words.
"I love you. Fiercely. Possessively. Crazily. Always."
Chapter 8
Sawyer
"Don't go anywhere alone. Promise me," Finn said with his hand possessively draped over my leg. There was nothing about his demeanor to suggested he was joking and I had a feeling he wasn't going to let me out of the car until I agreed.
"I won't," I said, not wanting to make him worry. “I promise.”
Finn leaned over to me and pressed a kiss to my temple. "Thank you.”
I blushed. "I'm going upstairs to Josh's apartment and then she is going to take me to the library." I got out of the car and shut the door.
"I’ll pick you up. That gives me time to get everything ready for our trip," Finn said, casually tossing out the idea I'd never heard him speak of before while backing up the car.
"What trip?" I called out over the sound of his roaring engine and the tires rolling over rock and gravel.
"What?" he yelled back, cupping his ear and smiling from ear to ear. “I can’t hear you?”
"What trip?" I yelled louder.
He put the truck in drive and flashed me a wink before taking off.
"Oh shit," Josh called out, I spun to find her leaning over the third story balcony of her apartment building. I figured she was there because Finn wouldn't have driven off otherwise. “Sounds like Finn’s up to no good.”
It had been a few days since I last spoke to Josh. Although Finn had filled her in on all that was going on, I felt like there was a gap in my life that needed to be filled by a few minutes in her company.
"Why is your face doing that weird thing where you don't blink. Are your eyeballs gonna fall out? 'Cause a warning would be nice. Or...shit. Are you gonna have a stroke because I don't think my renter’s insurance covers that, so if you are I recommend stepping outside of the building first." Josh said playfully even though her look of concern was genuine. She opened the door and stepped aside to let me in. I handed her the bag containing the soup from the bakery she'd asked me to pick up on the way.
"I don't think so?" I said but it came out as a question. I set my bag down on her counter and
"With all the shit you've had going on? I wouldn't be surprised. How you holding up?"
"I'm...okay. It's hard to be happy about my mom being alive and Critter being my dad when I don't know if my mom is going to be okay yet and if the threat of Richard is still out there." I said, staring down at the counter. "It will always be out there."
"Not always. We're gonna put our heads together and think of something. I'm going to spin my wheels until the rubber falls off thinking of any way I can help." She pushed my chin up with her hand. "Now chin-up, buttercup."
Josh came over and embraced me in a tight hug. She smelled like coconut lotion and her skin was warm like she'd been sitting outside. "I'm here if you need me. Always." She reminded me, searching my eyes for understanding.
I nodded and looked away before the tears came. I'd had enough of those for quite some time and I knew that once I opened the faucet it would be hard to shut it down again.
"What is this about Finn taking you on a trip tonight?" Josh asked.
"You know about as much as I do. Nothing.”
"Typical Finn." Josh said with a roll of her eyes. She took the soup out of the bag and set it on the counter, carefully taking off the lid to release the steam. She opened a drawer and retrieved a spoon.
"Who is that for, anyway?" I asked.
Josh pointed a finger at the closed bedroom door and motioned for me to follow her inside.
Something under the covers on her bed moved and it took me a moment to realize it there was a dark head of hair sticking out from the top of the stack of white fluffy pillows. Not just any head.
Miller's head.
"I'm soooooo sick," he moaned, rolling over with the blanket bunched up in his fists, pulling it up over his head.
Josh leaned over him and shouted through the covers. "The only thing you have is a case of the man-flu! It's not deadly, just annoying as all hell." She looked over at me. "Especially to the female population."
Miller pulled the blanket back down revealing a slightly reddened nose. He sniffled. "Don't yell at me. I don't feel well. I think it's the black plague." He lowered his voice to a whispery rasp. "Who knows how much time I have left..." He said, followed by a dramatic series of coughs into his closed fist.
"Here is your damn chicken soup," Josh barked and plopped the bowl down onto the nightstand, sloshing some over the side.
"Stars or noodles?" Miller asked without so much as glancing at the bowl or what was inside. He pulled the covers back up over his nose, peeking out at Josh over the top.
Josh rolled her eyes and placed a hand on her jutted hip. "At this rate, just be grateful it's not arsenic." She turned and ushered me from the room.
"It's too far away," Miller whined, making a grabby motion with his hand the soup which was in arm's reach if he would've tried to reach it. "I can't...I can't reach iiiiiiit. Don't leave me like this, woman!"
"He doesn't even have a fever," Josh informed me, ignoring Miller and shutting the door.
"Sawyer, why are you letting her be so cruellll!!!!"
Josh sneezed into her elbow and retrieved a tissue from the box off the counter to briefly blow her nose. "I have the same exact cold." She said, pitching the tissue into the trash and washing her hands in the kitchen sink. "And see how differently we're handling it?"
"Just a little different," I agreed.
She stared at the closed door. "He needs to woman-the-hell-up because I swear to God if he asks for one more thing I'm gonna load him in the truck and toss him in the drunk tank. He can sleep it off like Mr. Ward has to every time the Panthers lose and he drowns his sorrows in his grandfather's moonshine."
"You wouldn't!" Miller shouted came from the other side of the door.
"Oh yeah? Try me!" She shouted back.
After a few seconds, when no reply came, she turned to me. "I'm sorry about that. Are you alright? I mean, are you REALLY alright? I feel like we haven't had a ton of time to talk and I've been busy dealing with Mr. Crazy Possessive in there."
Fiercely. Possessively. Crazily.
"Josh, can I ask you something? You don't have to answer but I'm curious."
"Miller asked me to use my nail to reach something in his nose he couldn't. I told him if he asked me again I'd kick him in the dick, but the point is that no question besides that one, will offend me at this point."
"Gross, and noted. I'm curious." I pointed to the bedroom. "Do you love him?"