"Your mother is with Critter right now. She's safe. I promise. He wouldn’t let anything happen to her just like I would never let anything happen to you.”
Sawyer shoulders visibly dropped until she straightened like she’d rethought whatever had her slumping over to begin with. "I'm going to go to the church," she said, marching toward the door. "I'm going to tell them what a monster he is. They may not value women but they can't turn a blind eye to all the harm he's caused. If they can use the Bible to justify their actions they can use it to see how wrong they are as well.”
I pushed the door shut the second she opened it. "No, the fuck you won't. I'm going to keep you safe whether you like it or not and confronting an entire church of your father's supporters isn't in the plans."
"I have to do something! I can’t just sit here like a cow in a pasture waiting for the butcher. I must act. I must get to him first. I have to tell someone in the church about who he is and what he is capable of!" Her eyes were wild. Crazed. “I feel like a caged animal. There is no escape. There will never be an escape.”
"Yes, there will be. But tell me this, what do you think is going to happen when you walk into that tent and accuse one of their own of things you yourself told me they may already know about. And even if they didn’t condone that sort of thing why would they listen to you? You're a defector with no physical evidence to back up your claims. Who do you think they are going to believe?"
"You're right." She shook her head. Her face was splotchy patches of red and pink over her smattering of freckles. Her shoulders deflated. She ran her fingers through her hair and tugged at the roots. "I can’t just wait for him to hurt us again. Not this time.”
"We will figure something out. We will get a plan together but you best believe I'm not letting you do something bullheaded and brave if it puts you at any sort of risk."
"But I can do this!" she argued. "I can go stop him!"
"No!" I growled, backing her into a shelf. Books clattered to the ground.
"We've been through this, Finn. Don't treat me like I'm fragile. Like I'm going to break.” She turned her back to me. “I'm not her. I'm not Jackie!"
"No. You're nothing like her," I said softly. Reaching for her, I gently grip her waist as if to remind her she wasn’t alone anymore and never would be again. "You're strong, my love. So very strong."
"Then please stop treating me like you don't trust me to handle this when I've handled so much worse! I've seen worse. If we make decisions together then help me make this one," she argued.
I tipped her chin up until her eyes found mine. "No," I snapped, trying to keep my tone as soft as possible so she wouldn’t confuse my assertiveness with anger. "That’s not happening. I trust you. I do. I just want to keep you safe and I can't do that if—”
"You can't what, Finn?" Sawyer asked. She held out her arms like she was waiting to catch whatever answer I was going to throw at her. "Because whatever it is you have to tell me, tell me, because I’m tired of these half-truths that have been fed to me my entire life.”
"I can't fucking lose you!" I shouted, my words echoed off the walls and ceiling, surrounding us in the desperation of my words.
She took a step back but I held her in place. I leaned down and gazed into the depths of her eyes. With all the determination I could muster, I told her the truth. Gentler this time. "I just can't lose you. I can't go through that again. Not with you. Not ever. I just fucking can't. Don’t put me through that. I won’t recover because I refuse to live without you.”
The anger was instantly doused from her eyes and she leaned into me. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close. "You won't ever lose me," she said. "But you have to promise not to treat me like I'm made from glass or thin paper when I'm—”
"When you're really made out of piss and vinegar," I finished her sentence for her.
"I have no idea what that means," she said with a small laugh and a sniffle. “I was just going to say that I’m not.”
"It means that you're a force to be reckoned with. I know that, Say." I brushed off a tendril of wild hair that had fallen into my eyes. "I knew it the first moment I saw you on that road and it was confirmed when you came walking through my clearing."
She stood on her tiptoes. Craning her neck, she smiled against the skin below my ear and whispered. "It's my clearing too."
My chuckle turned into an all-out laugh as I picked me up and carried her over to a table. "I was right." I brushed a quick kiss across her lips. "All piss and vinegar."
I cupped her cheek and she leaned into my touch. Her eyes were still watery. Sad. My heart lurched in my chest. "What can I do to make this better?" I asked, swiping my thumb over her tears.
"I saw the tings tonight. The ones you'd hung for me. Right before the whole...thing with my mother." She flashed me a sad smile. "Thank you."
"It was just the truth. I actually hung them weeks ago.” I sucked in a deep breath. “I'd do anything for you, Say. Tell me, what I can do for you now? I hate seeing you like this."
Sawyer thought for a moment. "I just don't want to think about it right now. Any of it. I just want a second to breathe. To think about something else. To disappear from reality. To feel...anything else. Just for a little while." Fresh tears pooled in her eyes and I could feel the pain tightening in my chest.
Anger bubbled to the surface and I found myself clenching my fists to fight off this invisible beast of the past tormenting my girl from the inside out.
"Just take it away, Finn. Just take it all away," she whispered, placing her small hand on my chest and looked up at me with pleading eyes.
I sucked in a shaky breath. "Tell me, Say. Tell me what you want and it's yours," I whispered, pressing my lips against her neck right below her ear.
She trembled against me. The tiny hairs on her neck stood on end. Her quick intake of breath when I grazed my teeth over her skin made my pulse pound loudly in my ears. I trailed my lips to her jaw.
"I...I want..." she stammered.
"Tell me. Do you want me, Say? Do you want me to fuck you? Make you come hard that you'll forget everything, including your own name?" I threaded my fingers through her wild cascading hair. "I can do that. I can make your body feel so good that your mind can rest a while."
"Yes," she said on a moan. When our eyes connected, there was lust there as well as embarrassment at her confession when she looked away to her feet. Her face reddened.
"Look at me." I tilted her face up by her chin to make sure our eyes met once again.
She complied, but there was still hesitation in her gaze. Shame.
"What we do? Me and you?" I asked, pointing between us. "It's not shameful. The way we make each other feel? It's fucking beautiful. The most fucking beautiful thing I've ever experienced. Don't ever feel ashamed to tell me what you want. To ask me for it. I love that you want me, Say."
I took her wrist and guided her hand to the front of my jeans so she could feel for herself that what I was saying was true. "Feel for yourself what you do to me.”
She sucked in a sharp breath.
“You wanting me to take away your pain for just a few minutes this way is the most precious gift you could ever give me and not just your body. Your trust.” I placed a soft kiss on her eyebrow. Her temple. Her cheek.
Her pulse quickened.
“Thank you for trusting me," I whispered before kissing her lips until we were both moaning into one another’s mouths. Her soft pink lips opened for me and her tongue greedily searched for mine as I snaked my hand up her thigh into her panties. Groaning when I found her soaking wet and ready for me, but I still needed to hear the words. " I'll give you what you need. Always. Just tell me what you want and it's yours."
"How?" she breat
hed, craning her neck to me. Our foreheads rested against one another as we breathed in each other's air. I was ready for her. To be with her. Inside of her. But I needed her to say the words.
"Repeat after me." I held her gaze. "I want you."
"I want you," she repeated on a whisper. I saw the raw desire in her eyes and I knew it mirrored my own.
She trembled and her eyes shut. "Look at me," I demanded. When she did, I kissed her again. Deeply, crazily. Like my life depended on keeping my mouth connected to her in some way.
I swallowed hard. "Good girl," I praised, nipping her earlobe into my mouth. I traced my thumb over her nipple through her shirt and her back arched, pushing her chest against mine. I chuckled against her neck. "Now say, Fuck me, Finn."
My eyes went to her throat where I could see her pulse quicken beneath her smooth skin. She twisted her pouty pink lips. Her hesitation only lasted a second before she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me down closer so that the tips of our noses