“Evelyn.” It’s the only thing I can say. “Please.”
“If you care about me, even just a touch, you will let me be.” Her voice goes low. I see her bottom lip tremble, and I can’t bear the thought of her hurting. I can’t bear the thought that she felt this hurt all day, and she had no one to turn to. She felt this way all day, and I am the one who caused it.
This woman who has done nothing but accept the little that I have to offer and refuses to let me pick a side. She is giving me up so I don’t have to fucking choose. “I’m sorry.” It’s the only thing I can tell her. “I’m sorry that you hurt. That I hurt you even for one second in all this.”
I walk to her now, not willing to leave without giving her one last kiss. She doesn’t move back, so I put one hand on her cheek. “Evelyn.” She shakes her head.
“This sucks,” she says. “You’re amazing.” She looks in my eyes. “Jaxon should know how amazing you are.”
The fact that she cares about my son more than herself makes her even more perfect. “This sucks more than you know,” I say, and I look into her eyes when I say the next words. “You’re perfect, Evelyn.” I bend down and kiss her lips softly for the last time. My hands fall from her face, and I walk over to the door, grabbing the handle. My whole heart feels like it’s shattered in my chest, like I’ve been stabbed. I take one more look at her. “This time with you, the little time we did have was everything.” I turn and walk out of the house, closing the door behind me. The sound of the door closing echoes in my ears even when I get in my SUV and drive away.
Getting home, I walk in, hearing the television playing from the family room. I don’t bother stopping and go straight to my room. The silence doesn’t make it easy. My eyes close, and all I can see is Evelyn’s face. All I can do is feel her pain. I lie here and say good-bye to the only woman who wanted me for me.
Chapter 24
Evelyn
Five days. It’s been five days since I’ve last seen him—one hundred and twenty hours—yet at night, he comes in my dreams so vividly that when I wake, I want to go back to bed. “You are starting to look better,” Tim says, coming into my office.
“Yeah,” I say. “I’m feeling a bit better.” When I came into work on Monday, I was pale as a ghost, so my father sent me home to work. I pretended I had a fever, and I only came back to work on Wednesday because I refused to be stuck in bed. They said I was only allowed back at work when the fever resolved, so Wednesday, I walked in with coffee and doughnuts for everyone, and I went to my office.
“Don’t forget you promised Caleb you would be at his game tomorrow,” Tim says. I want to crawl into a hole and die. I promised him last Sunday at lunch when I was put on the spot. “It’s tomorrow at noon. I have to be there at eleven, but you can come from ten to twelve, so he can see you there.”
“Yeah,” I say, swallowing down the lump in my throat. It’s one thing waking every day and going through the motions, but I’m not sure I’m going to be okay seeing Manning again. Especially now. I want to ask Tim if Dallas is in town playing. Maybe he’s on the road, and I’m freaking out for nothing. “I can’t wait. Should I buy flowers and stuff like if he scores a goal?”
Tim shakes his head, laughing. “Flowers?”
I throw my hand up in the air. “I don’t know. What does one do if they score?”
“You can buy him a slush,” he says, and I laugh.
“We can take him out to Chuck E. Cheese,” I say, excited now for the first time in the past week.
“Why don’t we play it by ear?” he says, shaking his head and walking out.
I spend the whole night on the couch yet again. I’m waiting for my couch to tell me to get my fat ass off it and go do something.
I toss and turn all fucking night long. The looming thoughts of seeing him are in the back of my head where I pushed them. It’s where I put everything that has to do with Manning. It’s the only thing I can do, or I’d text him and ask him if he’s okay. I would text him to tell him I’m sorry for not having more faith in him. I would text him to tell him I made a horrible, horrible mistake and that I want to have anything that I can have of him. But deep down in my heart of hearts, I can’t do it. I can’t. I kept thinking about how Christmas would be, knowing he’s spending Christmas morning with her exchanging gifts. It was just too much, and frankly, it would make me into a person I’m not and don’t want to be.