A leader puts our faction first. They protect our people, even if it means sacrifice.
They do not, under any circumstances, throw that all away for single person. Not even if they love them. I catch Eli’s gaze and, even now, he’s trying to find a way to save me from this. As if I’m nothing more than a victim to be sheltered.
He never did see me as a full partner.
I turn my face away, breaking our eye contact. It couldn’t be clearer that he’ll never see me for who I truly am. After all this time, I didn’t expect it to hurt so much. I let the pain buoy me, embracing it with both arms wide open.
Abel turns his head and nips my thigh, making me jump. His dark eyes drink me in, and he’s not faking the lust burning there. His mouth and beard are wet from my desire, and he holds my gaze as he works a third finger into me. “How does that feel, sweetheart?” A gauntlet thrown at my feet.
I make myself release his hair and stretch my arms over my head. It feels so good, I’m pretty sure my bones are in danger of turning to liquid, but I’ll be damned before I admit it. “It’s adequate.”
“Adequate.” His dark eyes flare hotter. He likes this verbal sparring. He likes it a lot. “Guess I’ll have to up my game.” He dips down, and then his mouth is on my clit again. I didn’t realize he was just toying with me until now. Testing me. Figuring out what I like. He puts all that knowledge to good use now. Abel strokes my clit with his tongue slowly, his eyes on my face, his fingers buried deep in my pussy.
It’s so intimate. Horribly, unforgivably intimate.
It’s everything I can do to hold still and not grab his head and grind my pussy all over his face. I grab fistfuls of the sheets, my breath coming in harsh gasps. Fuck, I’m close.
Tighter and tighter. Hotter and hotter. Higher and higher.
And then he tips me over the edge, and I’m hurtling into an orgasm that draws a cry from my lips. I clamp my thighs around his head, but he yanks his fingers out of me and wedges my legs wide again, devouring my pussy in deep kisses as if he’s trying to lick up every bit of my orgasm.
When he finally raises his head, he looks completely feral. “I’m giving you my cock, Harlow.”
I pant as I watch him rip open a condom and roll it onto his massive cock. And it is massive. He’s wide and thick, and my body clenches at the sight. Abel plants a hand next to my shoulder and leans down to cover me with his body, his gaze on my mouth.
Oh fuck, he’s going to kiss me.
Panic flares, and I shove at his chest. He stops immediately. “Second thoughts?”
“No.” I want this, even if I don’t want to want this, but I can’t let him kiss me. I can’t lose myself that much when I’ve already compromised everything. I keep pushing his chest, and he lets me guide him back enough that I can turn over.
Abel gives a harsh laugh. “You’re not going to be able to forget that it’s my cock inside you just because I’m taking you from behind.”
I know that. Of course I know that. But it feels less intimate, and it has to be less intimate. This man already looks at me like he sees me. I can’t let him get closer. I bend down, pressing my face to the bed. “Stop talking, and fuck me already.”
He digs his hand into my hair and turns my face in Eli’s direction. I could close my eyes, but that’s the coward’s way out. I stare at Eli as Abel guides his cock to my entrance. He doesn’t ask me again if I’m sure. I appreciate that small kindness, just like I appreciate the fact that he doesn’t comment on how fucking wet I am. Abel starts working his giant cock into me, and I stare at the man I both love and hate.
And Eli?
I expect the guilt on his bruised face. I expect the anger.
I don’t expect the lust.
He watches Abel thrust into me, and there’s a heat in his hazel eyes that burns hot enough to set the room aflame. He sits perfectly still as if memorizing this moment. Alarms blare through my head, but I’ve gone too far to change my mind now. And, truth be told, I don’t want to. Things were always going to end between me and Eli. I’ve known that for longer than I want to admit. I didn’t expect them to end like this, but life has a way of throwing curveballs.
I expect Abel to drive into me and chase his own pleasure. I really should know better, even after such a short time.