Stepping into the living room with my suitcase, my gaze went to the chair where Creed was sitting. His left ankle resting on his right knee with a book open in his lap. I didn’t remember Creed being a big reader, but I had seen him in this position often the past few days.
“You leaving?” he asked with a slight frown between his brows.
“Yep. Movers arrive today,” I said, rolling the suitcase behind me and heading toward the kitchen for coffee.
“Is Griff not going with you?” he asked.
“He has classes. Besides the movers will carry everything inside.”
He didn’t say anything more and I was relieved. I sat my suitcase by the door then went to pour my coffee. When I turned around, I found Creed watching me. It made me feel self-conscious. I wondered if he would still be living here the next time I visited. I hadn’t asked him how long he was staying, but I didn’t think I needed to know.
“He could have missed a class to get you moved in,” Creed said, looking aggravated.
I shrugged. “He is in med school. I hear that’s hard,” I said, trying to lighten the mood. I didn’t not want to care that Creed was worried about me. I was blocking that out. I needed to get out of this apartment and away from him.
I drank the coffee in a few gulps, and luckily, it had cooled enough it didn’t scald my throat. “Well, I am out of here. See ya around, maybe,” I added with a smile and headed for the door. My escape.
Creed didn’t say bye.
Portsmouth, New Hampshire
Nothing had changed, but everything was different. I stood inside the house that had once been the only place that felt like home. It lacked the one person to make it complete. My Gran was my home and she wasn’t here. Tears stung my eyes and I thought I had cried all my tears for her but seeing her things again brought it all back. What I had lost the day she died.
My boxes were all over the place, and I knew I would have to go through her things and make room for mine but I couldn’t do that right now. I needed to be surrounded by her to get through this day and possibly the next week.
When the movers had called yesterday to let me know they would, in fact, arrive this morning to unload the truck, I’d been so relieved I hadn’t thought about how this would feel. I had just been thankful to get away from Creed. He was my past and letting him dredge up the memories was bad for me.
However, I hadn’t realized until last night that Griff wasn’t going to be able to come with me or even come visit until next week. I knew he had classes and his studies were intense, but Portsmouth was only an hour drive. I had expected him to make a few hours for me and I’d been prepared to wait until he could come with me today. He had apologized about not having time today and said he would make it by the weekend to help me.
It wasn’t unpacking I had needed help with, it was walking in the front door of Gran’s with her gone. Explaining that to him was unfair. He had classes and he was a med student. I got that. I didn’t want to be a needy female. When Creed has asked me why Griff wasn’t coming with me today, I resented him for making me think about it.
Even after all the months the house had sat empty, it still smelled of Gran. Vanilla and cinnamon had always wafted through her house. She baked so much that she even smelled of vanilla and cinnamon. I loved that smell. She was the only security I had as a child and that scent was comforting to me.
“I’m back, Gran. To stay. Just like I used to tell you I wanted to do when I grew up. Except you’re not here. You were supposed to be here,” I said the words aloud and smiled even as a tear escaped and rolled down my cheek. I often wondered how someone like my mother came from Gran. They were so completely opposite. I mentioned it once to Gran as I got older and she said that Oliver, my grandfather, had spoiled my mother. They had tried for years to get pregnant and Gran had miscarried so many times they had given up hope. Then she got pregnant with my mother and from the moment my grandfather held her in his arms, he spoiled her.
Gran had then frowned and said that Oliver treating her like a princess had ruined her. I had to agree with that because my mother did, in fact, think she was a princess. I had never met anyone as self-centered as my mother. If I hadn’t demanded she come up here for Gran’s funeral and threaten never to speak to her again if she didn’t then Mom wouldn’t have returned from Paris in time.