I shook my head. “No, that’s okay. I’d have to get dressed and I’m not awake enough for that or the freezing temps out there.”
He shrugged. “Fine but you’re going to need to toughen up. Portsmouth is fucking cold in the winter.”
Words felt lodged in my throat. Me remembering was one thing. My quietly acknowledging our past was easier than hearing him speak of Portsmouth. The place where all our history together existed. The sooner I left this apartment and moved north the better.
Creed seemed oblivious to my inner turmoil. He walked over to the coat rack and grabbed his coat then slipped on some boots.
“Can I get anyone something to eat or does everyone just require ketchup and cheese to survive?” Creed asked.
Griff glanced up then from his book. His gaze went to me. “Hey, babe, you’re awake.”
I smiled at him. He could completely zone out when he was studying.
“Where are you going?” Chet asked. “The Bagel Hut two blocks over has wicked avocado stuffed bagels.”
“Anyone else?” Creed asked.
“Sailor? You want something? There’s a menu for The Bagel Hut in the drawer,” Griff said. “I’d like BCT bagel,” he then told Creed.
Creed looked back at me. “I want some decent coffee. Can you go with me and help me carry all this shit?” He didn’t mind spending time with me. It was so easy for him. I didn’t affect him at all and that was good…but it hurt. I hated that it hurt. I didn’t need to affect him. He lived with my boyfriend who I loved. It was best that he was unaffected.
I couldn’t say no. I stood up. “Give me a sec to change and grab my coat,” I replied.
Creed nodded and I hurried to put on my jeans, sweater, coat, gloves and scarf. While doing so, I gave myself a pep talk. I could do this. No big deal. Getting used to being around Creed was required. Six years, Sailor. It’s been six years. You’re different now. Taking a deep breath, I glanced at my reflection in the mirror. I could do this.
Griff looked up from his book again when I walked out of the bedroom. “My cash is in the top drawer in there,” he told me.
“I have my debit card in my pocket. I’ll get it,” I replied then walked over to him and bent down to kiss him. His hand touched my face gently.
“I promise this afternoon we will go do touristy things,” he said as I stood back up.
“Okay,” I said with a smile. Then made my way over to the door where Creed stood waiting. Watching me. His expression was one I couldn’t decipher.
“Are you warm enough?” he asked me then and an amused smile touched his lips.
“Hopefully,” I replied.
He opened the door then and motioned for me to go first. We walked in silence for a few minutes. It was starting to get awkward but maybe just for me.
“How long have you been with Griff?” he asked.
“We met second semester our freshman year at Vanderbilt,” I told him.
“How did you meet?” he asked me then.
Smiling at the memory, I replied, “I walked into the wrong dorm room on my way to a study group. Griff was on the phone lying on his bed. I had been so embarrassed but he’d ended his call and we had ended up going out for coffee. I never made it to my study group.”
“Sounds like you,” he said simply.
I stopped smiling. His comment wasn’t meant to upset me. I knew that. But it did. If he didn’t want to remember and he wanted to keep things in the past then he needed to not reply as if he had that kind of knowledge. He didn’t know me. Not really. Not anymore. That girl was no longer.
The Bagel Hut had a line out the door. “Figures,” he muttered.
Most of the good places to eat had lines. I glanced around and saw no other option with a shorter line. Maybe it would move quickly.
“Will you freeze?” he asked me.
“Possibly,” I replied.
He chuckled and one of the girls in front of us glanced over her shoulder, got a good look at Creed then nudged her friend, whispered in her ear and the other girl glanced back at him. Creed, however, wasn’t paying attention. He had crossed his arms over his chest and was leaning back against the building watching the activity on the street with a bored expression.
I understood why they were looking at him. I looked away. Appreciating the view was off-limits for me. He wasn’t a stranger on the street. The past made me feel guilty for looking.
“Is your mother still crazy?” he asked me then.
I nodded. Creed knew more about my mother than Griff. I’d wanted to start over when I went to college. When I’d met Griff, I kept most of my sordid family life from him. I wanted to forget it, so I never spoke of it.