“You know how to reach us if a problem should arise,” Solomon said, before they disappeared into the night, leaving me to explore my new life with my new love.
Chapter 23
After Sebastian and Solomon were gone, I stood alone in the kitchen while Chansey sat in the living room waiting for me to return. I had a new and wonderful life to explore with her, and frankly, I found myself nervous about being alone with her. I saw the questions in her eyes and I wasn’t certain I had answers for any of them.
I nervously returned to the living room and sat on the couch beside her. Uncertainty danced in her eyes as she hesitated in asking me the questions on her mind. I took her hand in mine and brought it to my lips to place a kiss upon her hand. “You’re worried, aren’t you?” I softly asked.
She nodded without answering.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I’m scared to bring it up.” She looked down at our joined hands and said, “No, that’s not really the whole truth. I’m scared to know the answer.”
Pretending I didn’t know what she was worried about was a cruelty I wouldn’t inflict on her and I wouldn’t force her to ask the question on her mind. “Are you worried I won’t desire you physically?”
“That, along with a million other questions and worries."
I wanted to ease her fear and anxiety with encouraging words, but I couldn’t say words I didn’t have. “I understand your worries because they are mine, as well. I only know what Sebastian has told us. We will have to experience life together and make decisions as we go.”
“My grandparents will be back next week, so what are we going to tell them? I mean, you are supposed to be in New York,” she inquired.
“We will tell them my job didn’t work out and I’m back,” I happily said.
She was still uneasy and continued, “They’re going to know something is different between us, so how are we going to explain your sudden reappearance and the fact that we can’t bear to be apart?”
“Well, we weren’t doing a great job at being apart before I left, so what’s to explain? They’ll just see me attempting to win your affections.”
“Are you seriously going to be the vampire that dates and woos his agápe because that is what most normal couples do in the beginning of a relationship?”
“Yes, I am, because I want to be an ordinary couple and do ordinary things.”
“Ordinary dating is not that awesome,” she informed me.
“Maybe it wasn’t awesome for you because you never dated me.” I leaned toward her and placed my forehead against hers. “I want to share a normal life with you. I want to bring you roses and take you places and do romantic things for you. I want you to be my girl.”
She scooted her body closer to mine and there was no humor on her face. “I’m fairly certain I’m way more than that.”
“And I’m pretty certain you are right,” I laughed.
She stood and tugged on my hand. “Will you come with me?” I stood and she led me down the hallway into her bedroom. As though we weren’t alone, she shut the door, then let go of my hand and walked to the window to pull the drapes closed before entering the bathroom to retrieve some of the candles. She relit the candles, turned off the lights, then crossed the room and sat facing me on the edge of the bed.
She raised her fingertips to my face and traced the outline of my lips. I smiled and she ran her fingertips across one of my incisors, pricking her finger. She sucked in a deep breath at the shock of unexpectedly cutting her skin and a tiny drop of blood rose to the surface of her skin. She grabbed her finger and instinctively squeezed, causing a larger drop to accumulate.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I was just curious,” she apologized.
“It’s really okay. It doesn’t bother me. I’m not tempted,” I reassured her.
She recalled Sebastian's words regarding the way vampires share intimacy. Her expression clicked and I knew my words unintentionally hurt her. She lowered her eyes to the blood slowly collecting and squeezed harder, then lifted it to my lips and said, “He said you would never crave my blood because you couldn’t hurt me, but this is the only way vampires know to be intimate.” When I didn’t respond, she added, “I want to know if drinking from me will bring you pleasure.”
I did not desire her blood, but I would taste it because I would do anything she asked of me. I leaned forward and took her finger into my mouth, licking the blood from her finger. I lightly sucked and pulled a small amount of freshly circulated blood into my mouth and the flavor of her blood was the same as her fragrance, neutral. I didn’t know if this would bring her happiness or sorrow, but I shook my head, then saw her disappointment.
“Please don’t be disappointed. It’s natural for me to not desire your blood because it ensures your safety. It doesn’t mean I don’t desire you, because I do. Believe me, I do. More than you know.”
“But I want to know and I don’t want you to tell me, I want you to show me.” She leaned forward and placed an urgent kiss against my lips.
Her Scent of Anteros flooded the room making it difficult to separate rational from irrational thoughts. I returned her fierce kisses but knew I had to stop before it was too far gone, so I lightly pushed her away. “Wait, Chansey. Wait.”
“I don’t want to wait because your smell is driving me crazy. It calls to me and I think I will die if I have to wait any longer,” she pleaded.
“I need you to slow down because we need to talk.”
Her breathing was ragged and she ran her hands to the bottom of my shirt to lift it over my head. “Talk fast.”
I grabbed my shirt before it went over my head, then gently grabbed her wrists. “Look at me.” She looked into my eyes as she lightly chewed her bottom lip. “Please stop. You are killing me here.”
“No more so than you’re killing me right now,” she joked.
“I need you to listen to me, please,” I pleaded.
She backed down and said, “Okay, I’m listening.”
“I don’t know if I can do this.” I hesitated while I formed the rest of my words. “Don’t get me wrong, I want to, but it’s not what my vampire body is made for and I don’t know if it’s possible.”
She laughed and said, “There is no doubt in my mind that you can do this.”
“I feel more human than I did when I was mortal, and I want all the mundane experiences that accompany being human, but I want to experience them in the right way.”
“I’m trying to give you a very important human experience if you’ll just let me.”
“Intimacy is a gift intended for a husband to share with his wife and I want that experience to be with you, as my wife, the way it was intended. I don’t want to devalue what it means. When we make love for the first time, it will be after we married.”
“You want to marry me?”
“Of course I do, when the time is right. Why would you think I wouldn’t?”
“Because I’m your agápe and I thought that overruled a wife.”
“An agápe does overrule a wife in the world of vampires but I have chosen to live with you in the human world. You were chosen by someone else for me, and although I couldn’t love you more, we did not choose one another. Making you my wife is my choice and marriage is one way for me to show you and the human world what you mean to me and how much I love you. I want to properly present you with a ring when you are least expecting it and only after I ask Grady’s permission.”
“You are so weird,” she laughed.
“I am not weird. A proper proposal is the way it should be. The world has become strange and improper,” I complained.
“Will you also be properly asking Granddaddy if you may turn his granddaughter into a vampire?” she laughed.
I knew this topic would emerge eventually and now was as good a time as any to break the news to her. “Chansey, you will never become a vampire.”
She turned sharply to look at me and said, “I don’t unde