Prologue
Tanner
Austin, Texas
Aged 6
“Tanner, can you show Rafael where we keep the pens and pencils?”
I nodded my head and walked to the stationery table. A boy with dark hair came beside me. I pointed to the pens and pencils like Mrs. Clary said.
“You just take what you want, then bring them back when you’re done.”
Rafael lifted his head. “Thank you.”
I frowned when I heard his accent. It sounded weird.
“Why do you speak like that?”
“Like what?”
He didn’t know he sounded different? I looked around the class. Everyone had white skin. He had brown. “You look different to all of us as well.”
Before he could answer, Mrs. Clary came over. “Everything okay here, boys?”
I nodded. So did Rafael. “Tanner, can you be Rafael’s buddy today? Let him sit with you at lunch and at recess. Show him the ropes here at St. Peter’s?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
I led Rafael back to the table I sat at. The other kids didn’t seem to notice his skin color. My nanny, Mrs. Murray, said that any skin that was darker than white was a sign of inferiority. I didn’t know what that meant, but Rafael seemed nice. I didn’t see anything wrong with his skin.
“You like video games?” Rafael asked.
“Yeah.” Rafael smiled.
He spent the whole day with me. When the bell rang for the end of school, I walked out of the main entrance with Rafael. His papa was waiting for him outside. He was dark like Rafael too. I’d never really seen anyone like them before.
Mrs. Murray got out of the car as the three of us walked toward her. She smiled at Rafael and his papa.
“Rafael tells me Tanner looked after him today,” Rafael’s papa said. “I just wanted to say thank you. It’s been hard on Rafael leaving Mexico. Your son made starting a new school easier on him.”
“She’s not my mama,” I said. “Mrs. Murray’s my nanny. I don’t have a mama.”
Mrs. Murray shook Rafael’s papa’s hand. “Tanner is a good boy. I’m glad he was a help today.” Mrs. Murray looked back at me. “Come on, Tanner. We must get you home.”
I waved at Rafael, then climbed into the back seat. My brother, Beau, was already in his car seat.
Mrs. Murray leaned over me and belted me in. “Ow!” I said when she gave my arm a sharp nip. She didn’t say anything.
When we pulled away from the school, I waved at Rafael and his papa. Beau reached out to give me his toy car. As I took it, Mrs. Murray said, “Did you like that boy, Tanner?”
“Yeah, he was nice,” I said, then gave Beau back his car. Mrs. Murray was watching me in the car’s mirror. My stomach flipped over. She looked angry. “He told me his papa is a doctor. They’ve come from Mexico. His papa got a job at the hospital downtown.”
Mrs. Murray didn’t say anything to me after that. So I played with Beau until we got home. I climbed out of the car and went inside. I sat at the table, had my snack and did my homework. Mrs. Murray disappeared for a bit, but then came back when I was done. “Go change, Tanner, then stay in your room. Your father will be coming over tonight when it’s dark.”
“He will?” Excitement built in my chest. I hadn’t seen Papa in a long time. He worked away. And he was a secret me and Beau had to keep to ourselves. We had to keep quiet about who he was to us. To keep us safe from bad people who wouldn’t like us. Even at school I had to pretend I didn’t know him. People at school thought my name was Tanner Williams. But I was really an Ayers.
Just like my papa.
I went upstairs to my room and changed. As I did, I noticed there was a book on my bed. There was a boy on the front. He had dark hair and dark eyes like Rafael. But his clothes were all torn and dirty. Rafael’s clothes hadn’t looked like that. He’d looked just like the rest of us.
I dropped the book when the door to my bedroom opened and my papa stepped through. I smiled and ran to him. But his hands came out to my chest and stopped me. It hurt and I rubbed my chest. I looked up at him. Papa walked around me and sat on a chair. I didn’t like the way he glared at me. It scared me. My papa could be real scary at times. I never liked to disappoint him or make him angry. He would use his fists on me if I did.
It hurt so much.
“Papa?”
“Mrs. Murray told me you made a new friend today.” I nodded. “She said that he was from Mexico.”
“Yes, sir.”
Papa got to his feet, then he came toward me. I stood still, not daring to move. My hands started shaking at my sides. My legs felt like jelly, and there was a funny feeling in my stomach, like a million butterflies were flying around.
Suddenly, Papa’s fist hit my cheek. I cried out as I fell to the floor. I looked up, but Papa only hit me again. I tried to get away, but Papa held on to my shirt and kicked me in my stomach until I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t see as tears fell from my eyes. I didn’t understand. I didn’t understand why Papa was hurting me again. I didn’t know what I’d done wrong.
He kicked me and kicked me, until I couldn’t move. I stopped crying. Then Papa stopped kicking me.
“Get up.”
I sniffed and tried to move, but it hurt too much. My hand was over my face. I felt something wet under my fingers. I managed to move my hand back slightly so I could see. My fingertips were red with blood.
“I said get up, boy!” Papa picked me up and made me stand. I curled forward when the pain in my stomach hurt too much. Papa’s hand grabbed my hair and he forced my head up. He moved in close, then said in my ear, “You ever speak to another dirty fucking spic again and I’ll kill you, boy. You’re white. You’re the future White Prince, and I won’t have you associating with anyone who is beneath you. Beneath us.” He pushed me back, and I slumped to the floor. “I don’t know who let him into that school, but they’ll fucking pay for it. We don’t tolerate anything less than perfection in that school. We, the good Christian white parents, don’t pay a fucking fortune to have them let in polluted blood, giving you children bullshit ideas about equality.” He wiped his hand on my school blazer, right over the school patch. “You’re my son, Tanner. I love you. But you’re an Ayers. And it’s about time you knew who we are . . . what you were born to be. That will be rectif
ied immediately.”
My papa left the room, and the second the door shut, I started to cry. My body shook. I hurt all over . . . but worse, it was my papa who had hurt me. He had punched and kicked me.
He’d made me bleed . . . again.
I looked up when I heard the door open again. Mrs. Murray put Beau on the floor, then left us alone, locking us inside.
Beau stared at me. “Tanner?” he whispered. He was only three. He crawled over to me. When he saw me crying, he started crying too.
I reached for my little brother and pulled him into my arms. I didn’t like to see him cry. “It’s okay,” I whispered. But the blood kept falling from my lip, and Beau cried harder. I put him on my bed and slid up beside him. I held him close. I didn’t want to see him upset. I had to protect him. I was his big brother. He was my best friend.
Seeing the book Mrs. Murray had left for me, I asked Beau, “Shall we read a book? It’ll make you feel better.”
Beau nodded and started sucking on his thumb. I looked at the picture on the cover again, then read the title: “Go home, Juan.” I opened the book and read each page to Beau.
By the end, all I could think of was Rafael. The book had said that anyone from Mexico was bad. That they wanted to hurt those of us with white skin. White skin like mine and Beau’s. I sighed. I realized why my papa had been so angry. Because Rafael was bad. He had come to my school, to America, to hurt and ruin people with white skin.
I held Beau tighter. Beau was my best friend in the world. Papa never saw us that much. Mrs. Murray was not that nice. But Beau made me laugh. My stomach tightened when I thought about Rafael hurting him because he was jealous of our white skin.
Then I took a deep breath, and I quickly felt better. Because my papa had said he was going to get him out of the school. And my papa always did what he said he would do.
Papa would send Rafael back home.
And we’d all be safe.