I laughed in her face, needing to chase her away. Needing her to get the fuck out of my poisoned grip and to run far, far away. Far fucking away from all this shit, to a better life. One where she didn’t have to hide indoors. One where she didn’t have to speak to pieces of shit like me. “I fucked that slut,” I told her and watched her guarded gaze shatter from the blow. My stomach twisted at the sight, but I kept on going. “I fucked her that night.” I shrugged. “I’ve fucked a lot more since.” I leaned forward. “Is that what you see, Saff? Is that what you fucking see in me?”
I sat back in my chair, praying like fuck that she’d just leave. The numbness was wearing off. I needed it to stay. Saffie stayed silent for so long, I thought she’d had enough, but then, “I see someone who is lost, someone who is hurting. You are in incredible pain.” My breath fucking hitched. Saffie placed her feet on the ground and stood. I looked at her, thinking that ‘angel’ was the perfect description of her. “I see it in you, because I have it in me.”
“I’m nothing like you,” I argued. “Nothing at all.” I spread my arms wide. “I’m evil, Saffie. I kill people. I’m a motherfucking Cade. I have the devil’s fire running through my blood. You’re practically a mute who couldn’t even hack a few days of school, acting like a fucking martyr to try and save me. You’re wasting your time. We are nothing fucking alike. And I don’t need saving.”
“We all need saving, Asher. We simply must first be ready to embrace it. Salvation awaits us all.”
“Really? You’re saved, Saffie? You’re a fucking disaster. Fix yourself before you put your unwanted attention toward me.”
I fought back the urge to drop to my fucking knees and beg her forgiveness. I was intentionally hurting a fucking angel. I could see it on her face. I’d hurt one of the only people in the world who seemed to care. But I stayed where I was. I wouldn’t drag her down with me. She was meant to stand high in the sky, not down in the dirt with me.
Saffie’s eyes dropped to the ground, and then they slowly lifted. She walked carefully toward me, each step looking like she was floating on a fucking cloud. I saw her hand lift. It was trembling as it began to close in on my face. I held my fucking breath, waiting for the expected slap. I deserved it. Instead, her palm kissed my cheek and I fucking sank into her warmth. Fuck the drugs in my veins. The feel of her touch took every bit of the heroin away and replaced it with light.
Lifting my eyes, I met her dark gaze. “Do not mistake my quietness for weakness. I am stronger than what people believe.” I swallowed hard, praying she never moved her hand away from me ever again. Her eyes traced the flame tattoos that raced up my arms. Looking at me once more, she said, “I was forged in the fire, Asher. I was born to withstand the flames.” With that, Saffie’s hand slipped from my cheek and she walked back into her cabin, not once looking back as the door shut behind her.
I curled my hands into fists, disgusted with myself for the shit I said to her. Then I pressed my hand against my cheek. Over the same spot Saffie had left her warmth, her addictive scent… her fucking softness seared on my skin. A softness I craved, craved more than the drugs in my system. Rage ate at my heart because I couldn’t have her. I had never wanted anyone like I’d wanted her. But she was broken. Way too broken to attach herself to a sinner like me, someone who was destined for hell. She was an angel sent down to earth, so sinners like me could worship her goodness.
I gripped my hair and pulled on the stands, relishing the fucking pain. I’d said it before, and I would say it again: the world was fucked, and everything in it was shit… I took a deep breath and I saw Saffie’s brown eyes in my mind, and the kindness that lived inside them, despite the words I’d used to hurt her. I see you, she’d said. With three words she had fucking obliterated my world. The one person I refused to ever let in, saw through me, like a telescope into my mangled soul. I see you… But someone as perfect as her would decay and rot in my world. She would lose the light that still beamed from her pure heart.
The world was fucked and everything in it was shit… except her.
Everything was ruined… except her.
Epilogue
Flame
“We got the good stuff behind the bar, Ash?” Viking asked, leaning over the new bar to my brother.
“All stocked,” he said. “They’re on their way, Flame. Zane just picked them up.”
I looked across the room. Mae and Lilah were with their kids, Styx and Ky beside them. Maddie was coming with Phebe and AK. Like fucking months ago, our brothers were gathering to celebrate Beatrix. I searched the room, making sure I saw no flames. No one would be burning this fucking place down today. Solomon, Samson, and Beau were patrolling the compound. My skin heated just thinking about some fuckers out there being after Maddie and her sisters. There had been fucking nothing for weeks. No threats. Fuck all. Didn’t mean it wasn’t coming. They wouldn’t get to Maddie or Beatrix. Not unless they wanted my fucking blade in their eyes.
The cabins had all been built, scattered around the compound. All the homes would be watched. Styx got some fucking expensive ass security place to install cameras everywhere. There wasn’t one part of the compound that wasn’t being watched or recorded. We’d get the fuckers. They didn’t stand a fucking chance against us. Whoever the fuck they were.
Viking suddenly knocked back a shot of whiskey and straightened his cut. “Flame, my man, how do I look?” I stared at Viking’s cut and his long red hair. Why was he asking me this? “The hair good? I fucking washed it. The beard too.” I stared at the door and waited for Maddie. “Fuck, man. I even shaved my pubes.” Viking leaned in. I stepped back. “Between you and me, I ain’t ever seen the anaconda looking so damn perfect. And shit brother… it’s some fucking length and width. Thinking Ruth could be the one to tease it—my little snake-tamer. Oh shit. Not little. My fucking massive, asteroid size, snake tamer. I took some pictures just to celebrate its glory. You wanna see?” I shook my head. I didn’t want to see it.
“Great,” a voice said from behind. “We hearing about the fucking Anaconda again?” Ky stood beside us. “Vike, at this point I know more about your dick than I do about my own.”
“As it should be,” Viking said.
Rudge came and placed his hand on Vike’s shoulder. “You wankers talking about his cock, again?”
“As it should be,” Vike repeated, bowing his fucking head.
“It’s worth the reputation. I’ve seen it.” Rudge shrugged. “If that was mine, I’d walk around with my cock hanging out every fucking day. Get every piece of pussy in the club creaming.”
The door opened, and Ruth and Stephen came in. They went straight to Bella, Rider and Mae. Mae and Bella hugged their father. “Motherfucker,” Viking hissed. Vike pushed his hair back from his face and approached Ruth. “M’lady,” he said, and took hold of her hand. He pressed a kiss to the skin on the back.
“Hello, Viking,” she replied, and pulled back her hand.
“Enquiring minds wanna know what you’d like to drink?” Viking said.
“I will get them, Viking,” Stephen said, moving toward the bar.
Viking stood in his path. “No one asked you.”
“Okay,” Stephen said, eyebrows pulled down. Ruth stood beside Stephen. Viking’s face went red. I didn’t know why. “Nevertheless, I shall get the drinks.”
“Having fun living in your new cabin?” Viking asked Stephen and Ruth, his gaze bouncing between them.
“Yes, thank you,” Ruth replied. Stephen nodded.
“So,” Viking said, folding his arms over his chest. “Y’all fucking?” The place grew fucking quiet.
“Viking!” Mae called and got to her feet. She stood beside her father. “How dare you be so rude!”
Viking shrugged. “Simple enough question.” Ruth dropped her eyes.
“Viking, step the fuck back from my mama.” Rider now stood in Viking’s path.
“It’s okay,” Stephen said, and put hi
s hand on Viking’s shoulder. I thought Viking might break it. “Viking. I do not know why you care, but Ruth and I are friends. Best friends. That is all.”
“I don’t fucking believe you,” Viking said back. His eyes were narrow.
Stephen smiled wide. “I promise, Viking. I have no interest in Ruth that way, or indeed any other woman, for that matter. I am no threat to a man like you.” Stephen walked off. Viking’s mouth swung open as Maddie’s old man ordered drinks from the bar. I didn’t stay to hear the rest of the conversation because the door opened behind me.
I turned. AK and Phebe were already through. AK flicked his chin at me. “Vike being an asshole again?”
“Yeah,” I agreed, not knowing if he was or was not. He was just being Vike. AK waved to Vike. Phebe held out her hand in the direction of the hallway, and Sapphira walked into the bar. I hadn’t seen her in months. She stayed close to Phebe’s side. I heard a glass smash behind the bar. Turning, I saw Ash staring at her, before he turned his head and got on with the cleaning up.
I heard Beatrix before I saw her. Her cry pierced the fucking air and I ran to the door. Maddie was carrying her inside. “Shh, my heart,” Maddie said, kissing Beatrix’s cheek.
“Maddie,” I said and moved to where she stood. Maddie smiled at me, making my fucking heart stop.
“She is being fussy. She is tired but refuses to sleep.” Maddie stepped closer to me. “Here, she settles better for you.” I stayed lock still as Maddie placed our daughter in my hands. The minute I held her, all the twitching of my skin stopped. Beatrix stopped crying and she looked up at me. Her eyes were now green… they were Maddie green. Beatrix was as beautiful as her mama.
Maddie kissed me on my cheek as I brought Beatrix to my chest. “I will never tire of seeing you hold her. I cannot think of a single sight that would leave me as happy as this.” I stared down at Beatrix as her eyes started closing. Maddie laughed and I fucking melted at the sound. “Of course she sleeps for you.” Maddie walked to the door. “Let us go in.”
I followed Maddie to the table where her sisters sat. I sat beside AK. He leaned over and ran his finger down Beatrix’s cheek.
“Where’s my girl?” Viking boomed. Maddie and her sisters all shushed him at once.
“Fuck, bitches. Y’all on the rag or what?” He nodded. “Ah, I’ve heard about this. Synced cycles. Am I right?”
“Vike, sit down before I knock you on your ass,” Ky bit out.
Vike sat and looked around. “Seriously? We’re back here again? I’m starting to get fucking confused about whether we’re running a creche or a gun dealing business.”
“You don’t have to be here,” Hush said. “This ain’t church. It ain’t compulsory.”
“Hush baby, it ain’t a fucking hangmen gathering without your man Vike and his infectious personality,” Viking said.
“Infectious is about right,” Tank joked.
“Well, no more kids, yeah?” Viking pleaded. “Think we’ve ‘bout had our fill. I want to get back to pussy and body shots in here.”
“Well,” Mae said and smiled at Styx holding Charon. “There will be one more baby in about six months.”
Maddie ran to Mae. “Mae!” she said excitedly and wrapped her arms around her sister. All the bitches moved from their seats, but I stayed right where I was. I stared down at my Beatrix, sleeping. I never fucking wanted to look away.