“I… I love you, Maddie.”
“Flame. I love you too. So much.” Maddie cried. “Look at me.” I did. “You will not, have not and could not hurt me.” She was wrong. Maddie was so good. She didn’t see the evil inside me, like my poppa had. He saw it, the snakes proved it.
“I’m so tired,” I rasped. I moved to the chair beside the bed and lay my head back on the mattress. Once again, I moved my hand closer to Maddie’s. I felt better being near.
“Sleep, baby,” Maddie said. Her voice was like the lullabies my mama used to sing.
My eyes began to close. “Don’t touch me. Don’t touch the flames.”
“I promise,” Maddie said. I heard her gasp. When I opened my eyes to see why, she was staring at my arm. “Flame,” she whispered. “Your arm...” I felt the blade in my pocket Maddie hated knives so much. She didn’t like me cutting myself. It made her sad.
My Maddie was perfect. I’d never deserved her. I was slow, a fucking retard. I didn’t understand the world. I was a sinner and I had evil in my blood. My poppa saw it. Ash saw it too. But Maddie always saw something else in me. Something she loved. I never knew what that was. I wished I saw it too. “Sleep, my love,” Maddie hushed. My chest stopped aching so much when she smiled at me. I liked her smile. It made the flames go away for a while. Not forever, but enough to help me breathe. “Sleep. I am here with you.” I closed my eyes and felt Maddie’s warm breath on my cheek. But when I slept, all I saw was Maddie dead, in the flames… and I was holding her hand. My touch had killed her.
My eyes snapped open.
I never wanted to sleep again.
*****
I heard the door open behind me. It was dark. It had been two days since Maddie had woken up. The doctors were letting her go home tomorrow. Grabbing my knife, I turned around. Smiler stood in the doorway. He waved me outside to the hallway. I checked on Maddie. She was asleep.
I got up from my chair and went outside. My skin felt itchy. I couldn’t keep still. I couldn’t ever fucking sleep. I didn’t know how much longer I could hold the flames back. The demons wanted control. I hoped I could keep the flames back long enough so that Maddie could get home and safe.
“We got a lead,” Smiler said. My body froze. I felt the anger in my gut starting to rise. “Tracked them, four hours away.” Smiler’s eyes were too intense. I dropped my gazed to the floor.
“The ones who hurt Maddie?” I asked.
“About three of them. Don’t know who the fuck they are. But it’s them alright.” My blood ran faster and started to take control. I pulled out my blade and sliced down my arms. I just had to cool the flames for a little while longer. Then I could unleash the, Fucking unleash hell on the cunts that started the fire.
“I have to report to Styx as soon as I found something—Prez’s orders. AK doesn’t know yet. I went off alone and found the fuckers.” I lifted my head when Smiler paused. Smiler watched Maddie through the window in the door. His jaw clenched. “If it was me, I’d want a shot at those cunts first. Alone.” Smiler lowered his head and his voice. “I know what it feels like to lose someone.”
“Slash?”
Smiler’s attention drifted down the hallway. He shrugged. His face went bright red. He looked pissed. “Him too,” Smiler said. “But no. Someone else.” He pointed his thumb in Maddie’s direction. “Someone like Maddie. She was to me, like Maddie is to you.” I didn’t understand who he meant. Smiler had no bitch. Maddie was my everything. I didn’t know Smiler had a bitch who was everything to him too.
He pulled a piece of paper from his cut. “Directions.” I took hold of them. “I gotta tell Styx they’re whereabouts in the morning. Figure, that’d give you a night’s head start, before we all ride to join you.” I read the directions and felt the evil lock into place inside me. Felt the darkness injecting my blood with the need for revenge. The flames rose high inside me, burning through flesh. I’d tried to keep them away for so long. Fought the demons for so fucking long. Fought them for Maddie, for Ash… there had been no point. They both got hurt in the end. I was weak. I couldn’t fight them this time. I was going to kill. I was going to rip apart the bastards who had done this to Maddie.
Smiler threw some keys at me. “Take the club’s truck that’s parked in the hospital lot. Get your fucking bike from home, and get gone, before I tell the Prez.” I looked to Maddie through the window. “I’ll stay here with her. I’ll protect her,” Smiler promised. “I’ll call Bella and Rider to come over. Tell ‘em you had to go somewhere for the club. Rider knows shit about club business. Might not question it. Even if he does, you’ll be long gone. Bella will watch Maddie, get her home. You get the fuck gone.” My blood pumped fast. I felt on fucking fire with the need for revenge.
I pushed through the hospital room’s door and went into see Maddie. I fucking stood and watched her. She was sleeping. Even in sleep, her hands were over her stomach, protecting the baby. I felt a fucking lump grow in my throat. I didn’t want to leave her. But the cunts that set the fire had been found by Smiler, and I had to kill them. They needed to die so they wouldn’t hurt her again.
I walked closer. Her free hand was on the bed. I put my hand close to her’s. “No,” I snarled, pulling my arm back. Maddie stirred. I froze. Turning her head, she went back to sleep. The flames told me to touch her hand. I pulled out my knife and sliced along my arm. The cut was deep. Blood dripped onto the floor. I hissed, eyes closing as the flames crawled down my arm. But they were back within a second. They were fucking choking me, wrapping around my neck and lungs and heart. They squeezed and squeezed, until all I saw was fucking darkness—pure hate and revenge.
I pushed through the door, moved down the hallway, holding the directions in my hand. “Flame!” I whipped my head in Smiler’s direction. My breathing was hard and fast and laced with fucking death. Smiler smirked. “Kill them slowly. Make the fuckers pay. Make it messy. Make them fucking scream.”
I turned, ran down the stairs and outside toward the truck. Blood dripped from my arm the whole way. But the fire inside my veins still burned. It fucking burned so hot I felt only heat on my skin. I jumped into the truck and headed for the compound. I burned rubber all the way there. I took the back roads to the cabin, parking out of sight in the woods. I ran through the trees to the cabin and kicked open my cabin’s door to get inside. I grabbed a gun and knife. I didn’t need anything else.
Jumping on my bike, I pulled out of the compound and onto the back roads. No fucker had seen me. And even if they had, I didn’t care. I was going to kill the cunts who hurt Maddie. I was going to kill them all. No one could stop me.
Wind smashed against my face as I burned rubber on the road. The whole time I thought of Maddie. I thought of the baby. I thought of my mama. I thought of Isaiah. I’d killed them. My touch killed them. I couldn’t touch them again. But I would kill these cunts. I would release the flames of hell in their hearts and snap their spines. My cock got hard at the thought and I needed to cut my arm. I needed to fucking come. And I needed to stab my skin. But I couldn’t stop. I had to get there before Styx and my brothers. These assholes were mine to kill.
I roared into the night. I couldn’t fucking stand the heat in my bones. I screamed as I pulled harder on the gas. My heart pounded in my chest like a drum. Then I heard the sound of someone behind me. I turned my head, seeing a bike catching me up.
“They’re mine!” I warned, accelerating. But the bike behind went faster too. I pulled out my knife, ready to kill, if someone attempted to stop me.
“Flame!” I heard a voice calling my name, the sound travelling on the wind. But my pulse was too fast, the blood in my ears was too fucking loud to find out who it was. “FLAME!” Roaring out in anger, I looked back. I recognized the bike. Ash, it was Ash. Clenching my jaw, I slammed on the brakes and spun the bike around. Ash stopped too, right in the middle of the road.
“Go home,” I ordered, and pointed my knife at his face. “Ge
t the fuck home. You can’t stop me. I’m going to kill the bastards who hurt Maddie. No one can fucking stop me!”
“I know,” Ash said, and lowered my blade away from his face. I slashed the knife down my arm. My eyes closed as the blood spilled on my thighs. I gripped my cock under my leathers and squeezed until it hurt, until it made me bite my tongue so hard it bled. I drank the blood down. “I’m not here to stop you,” Ash said. My eyes snapped open. I had to move. I had to leave. Ash kicked his bike into fucking life. He pulled out his knife, moved his cut to the side and showed me his gun in a holster. “I’m coming with you.” Ash lifted the sleeve of his shirt and sliced along his arm. Blood ran down his arm, and to the ground. “I’m your fucking brother, Flame. Those cunts tried to take Maddie from us. Tried to take your kid.” Ash licked at the blade, blood covering his tongue. “I’m coming with you, to kill them. I swear, on this fucking blood, we’re gonna kill them and avenge Maddie.” Ash stared at me, keeping his knife in hand. “I’m not leaving, so don’t ask me to.” His head dropped slightly; eyes fixed on the road. “You’re my brother, Flame. You’re my blood. I ain’t letting you go in there alone. I’m coming. I’m a Cade. I can kill alongside you.”
Looking just like someone we both knew, brother… My head twitched as I remembered his words from the woods. He fucking hated me. Ash fucking hated me.
“Let me fight beside you, Flame. Let me…” His voice cut out and his eyes lifted. They shined with tears. I didn’t know why. He thought I was like our poppa. He thought I was evil. That I would hurt him like our poppa hurt us both. “Just let me come, okay?” His voice sounded different. Something broke through the anger and poison in my veins. A fucking ache in my chest—something I got with Maddie. I used to feel it with my mama and Isaiah. Now I felt it with Ash.
“We need to go, now” I said and slipped my knife back in my cut. I kicked-started the bike and my engine fucking roared. “We ain’t stopping ‘til we get there,” I pushed. Ash pulled beside me. I looked over at him. He had flame tattoos on his skin. We had the same black eyes and the same black hair.
Ash turned at me. “Let’s go kill these fuckers. Us two. Yeah? For Maddie.”
Then we set off. Death was coming to the devil-worshippers. The Cade brothers hell bent on delivering the fucking fatal blows.
Chapter Six
Maddie
I blinked my eyes open. The sound of the hospital machines beeped with a steady rhythm, the noise music to my ears. The rhythm told me we were alive. A nurse was at my side. “We’re removing all this today, darling. You’re going home. You and that little one are healthy and free of smoke. You’re very lucky.”
“Home,” I whispered, taking a deep, replenishing breath. I craved the comfort and safety of our cabin. I yearned for the warmth of our marital bed. And I needed to take Flame away from this place. I needed to remind him of who he was. I had to bring him back to me. Back to my heart where he belonged.
I turned my head, searching for my husband, who was sitting on the chair. I frowned when I saw he was not there. Not having him beside made me feel like I was missing a limb. For days I had to endure watching him slowly come undone, knife always in his hand, always pushing into his flesh. I felt my heart breaking, minute after minute, cracking in two, watching the man I loved beyond words rocking on the chair, eyes fixed on the floor. It was agony to witness him falling apart. No matter how hard I tried to console him, to hold him, to kiss away his fears, Flame held back. He stopped speaking. But his eyes betrayed his inner torment. His trembling lips gaoled the confession I so desperately needed him to confide in me.
And he would not touch me. I looked down at my offending hand. The one that he could not bring himself to hold. I closed my eyes and felt them fill with tears. I felt his rough hand around my fingers, ghost-like, an eerie echo of the walls he had brought down on our love. I cast my mind back to our cabin when I had locked myself inside, refusing to let AK do what Flame had begged of him. Kill Flame. Once and for all to destroy the flames that tortured my husband’s soul. To silence the venomous voice of his father who, when Flame was but a child, told his son that he was evil, that demons had possessed his body. A father who should have loved and protected Flame. Who should have held his son close when Flame’s fears were laid bare to his ears, when his testimony and confession needed to be met with love and understanding, not denial, certainly not the emotional lashes of eternal damnation and sin.
I felt my tears slip down my cheek, felt my throat close with fear and dread. This time the sadness was for me. The world thought me brave for overcoming the horrors of my own past. But it was all due to Flame. He had been the one to save me. He was my sword when evil thoughts came to drag me down into the pits of despair. Flame was my protective shield when doubt and feelings of unworthiness began to take root in my heart, spreading like a cancer, countering any happiness I had found—and I had found it in abundance with Flame. More than I deserved.
Flame felt he was the weak one. The one who burdened me. But he was no burden. He was the richest of blessings. He was a solitary light in the smothering darkness. His flames were neither evil nor devil tainted. They were sharp bursts of redemption. Of hope. Flame was light. He was my warmth.
“Maddie?” I flickered my eyes open. Bella was standing at the bottom of the bed. She was chewing on her lip. She was obviously nervous. I quickly wiped my eyes. Bella came rushing to my side and took hold of my hand. It was the soothing touch of a beloved sister. But it was not the hand I craved, the touch I needed to feel, to breathe well again.
“I’ll go get your discharge papers, then we can get you on your way.” I had not even realized the nurse was still in the room. My hands and arms were now clear of wires. We were okay. My baby and I were okay. We had survived.
“Thank you,” I whispered, distractedly. The nurse left the room. I sat up, searching around the space. “Where is he?”
Bella glanced over her shoulder. I followed her gaze to see Rider standing silently in the corner. He was dressed in his doctor’s attire of matching green shirt and pants. Scrubs, he called them.
“I’ve searched the hospital, Madds. I can’t find him,” Rider confessed, disappointment lacing his voice. “We were told he went on business for the club. But we know Flame. He wouldn’t leave you for something that trivial. I called AK, Madds. He’s on it.”
My heart burst. I was not one to let my imagination run away with me. But I knew my husband. I knew the fragility of his heart and soul. The loose control he maintained over his mind. The thread of sanity he tried so hard, each day, to follow. His past was a visitor he could never rid himself of, lurking behind a closed door, relentlessly knocking, just waiting for the handle to turn so he could rush inside and take control of the residence.
The most terrifying thing was that I knew he could never leave me. For days he had remained by my side, unmoving, silent save for the cuts he sliced into his already-scarred flesh. Hospitals lit the ferocious fire he believed lived in his blood. The smells and noises reminded him of being strapped down on a narrow bed, unable to release the flames that tortured his soul as a young man. Yet another time in his life when Flame’s will was withheld from him. His father, his pastor, then the psychiatric hospital he ended up in had never understood him. Never sought to understand what plagued his soul, instead injecting him with drugs that stole his voice, which was crying out so desperately for aid.
No one cared that he was different in the way he thought and felt. Dismissed the notion that he was capable of love and kindness. They failed to discover the hidden path to his heart. Instead, it became overgrown, smothered in blackened thorns and weeds—the manifest horrors of his past. Those horrors flourished until they were all he could see. Until, in his mind, it was all he was. All he could ever be. I felt myself sinking into a pit of despair, into a black hole of misery and wretchedness. Panic and worry cloyed so thick I believed I could feel it swelling the walls of my veins. Suddenly, a flut
tering feeling swirled in my stomach, instantly banishing the darkness of taking hold of my heart.
My hands dropped to the rounded bump and I gasped. “Maddie?” Bella questioned, concern lacing her voice.
Rider was by my side in an instant. “Maddie? What is wrong? Are you okay?” His hand took hold of my wrist and he began checking my pulse. I knew it was racing, but not through illness.
The ceiling lights glimmered against the torrent of tears that filled my eyes. My vision became awash with glittering fluorescent stars until I wiped them away. I moved to the side of the bed, legs dangling off the side. I cradled my bump and was instantly rewarded with the fluttering feeling. The word feeling inadequately described the sensation. Our baby was moving. Our baby was moving inside me. Joy flooded my heart and spread like rushing water through my body. A laugh escaped my mouth. “Our baby moved,” I exclaimed, looking up to Bella who had laid her hand on my shoulder in concern. “Our baby… moved. Our baby is moving…”
“Maddie,” Bella whispered affectionately, kissing my head in relief. I closed my eyes and felt our baby moving again under my hands. Every prayer I had ever made was being answered. A veritable miracle under my spread out and earnestly seeking palms. My eyes opened and drifted to the empty chair beside the bed. My mind immediately went to the man who too should be beside me feeling our baby move, sharing in this moment of indescribable joy.
A flash of pain burst in my chest when I imagined the fear that would have sparked in his eyes as I held out my hand for him to take. As I guided his palm over my stomach and watched him witness the embodiment of our love seeking his warmth. A father’s love.
The baby moved again. I took a deep breath and felt my heart fill with realization. The baby moved when I thought of Flame, when I thought of its father. As though the baby already loved him as much as I. As though the baby was asking me to find Flame. To bring him back to us where he was always meant to be. Purpose filled me with the upmost of strength. Strength that would guide me and fuel my bringing Flame back to our side, back from the abyss he was falling into. From the clutches of the demons he believed within him.